We're In For A Long Week: Here's Your Weekly Horoscope For July 9-13

Give yourself a pat on the back, betch. You’ve survived half of 2018. Time for a check in on how your life is going. If things are amazing, don’t brag too much, but good for you. If you had a really rough start, now’s the time to turn things the fuck around. You better get to it! Here’s how the week ahead looks to kick off 2018 part two, thanks to your weekly horoscope for July 9-13.


Venus enters Virgo to start the week. Since Virgo controls things at work, and Venus sweetens the deal, prepare for a week of smooth sailing on the job. You’ll be passionate about projects, but not everyone will share your zeal. Most of your coworkers are hungover AF from the super long weekend. It’s probably best you do most of your correspondence via email since no one wants to have to deal with other people at all until Wednesday.


You may have rallied your way though a long holiday weekend, but you’re not ready to give up on the fun just yet. Expect more fun, parties, and social events in the week ahead. Make sure you’re stocked up on Red Bull or Adderall and don’t skip that morning cold brew. You need to keep the energy up. Oh, maybe also drink some water and eat a vegetable or some shit.


Your weekly horoscope for July 9-13 indicates dealings with someone older than you will go smoothly this week. Your boss could commend your for a job well done. Your grandma could send you a check in the mail because she forgot your birthday was months ago and that she already sent you money for it. Maybe you’ll make out with a total DILF, single and ready to mingle on the heels of a contentious divorce. Hey, there’s something to be said about experience, right?


Venus moving into Virgo will soften your edges and make you nicer. You’ll have the same urges as you do when you’re drunk in the club bathroom—you’ll want to compliment and support other women freely. You’ll also be more likely to accept commendation. No more scoffing at compliments for you, Cancer betch. It’s time you just say “thank you” and let yourself feel good for a minute.


Your financial affairs are affected by Venus moving into Virgo. Thank God, though—things look pretty favorable because Venus is your homegirl. Instead of worrying about finances and freaking the fuck out because you spent way too much over the long weekend, just have faith that everything will work out. Somehow, you’ll avoid that embarrassing noise the card reader makes when your card gets denied. Thank the planets for that.


With sweetheart Venus in your sign, others will just get sucked in by your charming personality. You’re still favoring relaxation over work, so use some of that charm to talk your way out of trouble when you show up late to work all week, take long lunches, and ask to leave early on Friday. Any other week it would be risky, but you basically can’t lose right now, so go ahead and shoot your shot.


You went overboard with the social activity during the long holiday weekend, so it’s fine if you need to recharge and be a bit reclusive. Just tell your friends that you’re too hungover, too sunburnt, or too poor to meet them out every night this week. Anyone who judges you for not wanting to keep the party going didn’t see how hard you went last Wednesday through Sunday.


Just because the holiday is over, doesn’t mean you’re going to stop partying. In fact, your social calendar is getting busier because Venus in Virgo ramps up your desire to booze and schmooze. Mercury at the top of your chart also puts a focus on your career. Rage with people in your same industry so you can call it networking and also put it on the company card. That’s what we call a win-win.


You start the week with a lot of optimism. Some time off last week has you recharged and ready to begin the second part of 2018 with a new and better attitude. Put everything bad that happened in the first six months of the year behind you. Any guy that ghosted you, any friend you don’t talk to, or any clothes that don’t fit anymore are things of the past. Put that shit behind you and start part deux of the year with a clean slate.


This is a week for you to take amazing Instagram pics. You’re motivated to travel and are inspired by art and culture. Like, hopefully you’re actually vacationing in Europe or some shit, because this is the perfect time for you to do that. If you’re just poor or lame or just stuck at home, maybe find a cool mural or something to pose in front of? IDK.


Venus is making you, like, really desirable. Don’t be surprised if your significant other or a sort-of significant other is constantly trying to jump your bones in the week ahead. Likewise, you better work on some good responses for cat-callers and people who say weird shit to you on dating apps. Be forewarned, though: your feisty attitude might only make you seem hotter.


Venus being opposite your sign isn’t as bad as it sounds. Actually, it works out really well for you. It’s the best time for you to mend broken fences. Forgive your sister for spilling jungle juice on your favorite white dress on the Fourth of July. Finally accept that awkward coworker’s invite to lunch. Throw your back burner bro a bone and let him touch a boob. Your generosity and kindness will be rewarded.

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