It feels like January is crawling by. Like, is this month longer than all of 2017 combined? UGH. I’m about ready for a cocktail (I say to myself every day at 3pm). Most of the signs tackle some serious issues this weekend, like, big, life-changing stuff. Still, thank god for weekends, amirite?
Aries
The Sun entering Aquarius continues to turn your mind toward more social things. Shitty weather be damned. You’re getting out of the motherfucking house this weekend. Power past your emotional shit that might come up late Friday night. Blame your period or red wine if you ugly cry during the post-game this weekend.
Taurus
According to your weekend horoscope, your Friday-Sunday will be all about realizing things. Yes, cue Kylie Jenner’s 2017 resolution. While you’re busy this weekend living your life and not dwelling on shit, be prepared to receive random emotional clarity about where you stand with relationships, romantic and platonic.
Gemini
No one wants to be in the office on Friday, but if you simply can’t escape, don’t worry. A Moon-Saturn aspect is helping you get clear about where you’re headed in your career. If your day flies by and you’re honestly enjoying your job, this is the right path for you. If each and every Saturday can’t come soon enough, it’s a sign you should use this weekend to polish your resume and start looking for a new opportunity.
Cancer
If you really want to bond with someone this weekend, you should bring up some deep shit to talk about. It sounds weird, but if you feel like you haven’t been connecting with your best friend or boyfriend, it might be time to talk about the real existential issues like who’s the best Kardashian sister or what happens when you die.
Leo
The Sun entering Aquarius is great news for your partnership zone. And no, that’s not a code name for your vagina. A significant other or best friend will want to get closer to you. Work on dividing your time this weekend between everyone who reaches out to hang out with you. You never know when you could use a friend or lover.
Virgo
Ah, there’s some shit you’ve been meaning to say. This weekend might be the time to bite the bullet and just get it off your chest. If you can’t muster the fucking courage to tell your best friend that she’s dating human garbage, it might be time that you get the fuck over it and never bring it up. It’s like a “speak now or forever hold your peace” kind of thing.
Libra
It’s time to turn up the love in your life. The Sun entering Aquarius has you feeling a little more romantic, but that doesn’t mean you need to fall in love with some dude. It’s time you fall more in love with yourself. That sounds cliché and fucking dumb, but you’ll thank me later after you’ve invested in yourself.
Scorpio
It’s time to address some problems with a relationship you have. It’s best you just tell your roommate that you’re fucking tired of washing her dishes on Friday, so you don’t just fester in your hatred all weekend long. The Moon-Saturn aspect could turn a potentially tough conversation into a real heart-to-heart.
Sagittarius
The Sun in Aquarius means it has moved into a hidden part of your chart, so don’t be surprised if you’re not your usual self. Things in your life might seem a little confusing. Don’t worry, it won’t be long before you return to your general badassery. This is the weekend to just chill. Aren’t there like, a shitton of movies you been meaning to see? Do that this weekend, k?
Capricorn
Your money cycle is just ramping up as the Sun enters Aquarius. That can be great news if you’ve been working on a goal that’s going to help you rake in the cash. This weekend, don’t spend what you don’t have. It feels nice to celebrate, but make sure you celebrate within your limits so you’re not a total povo until next Friday’s paycheck.
Aquarius
A long-standing issue with your cash flow is soon to be over. Whether you’ve been looking for a new job or you’ve just had to slowly hack away at some bills, things are really looking up for you during the next four weeks. Keep up the schmooze game up this weekend. An influential person you run into while out and about could have a real impact on your future.
Pisces
Leave the past in the fucking past this weekend. The Sun transitioning through Aquarius over the next four weeks has you doing a lot of reflecting. Just don’t let that reminiscing turn into a late-night response to the “U Up” text from your ex. The thing about hindsight is that it can make things look more appealing than they actually are. Remember that your ex has a tiny dick and made you feel like shit. See, desire to text back: gone.
Images: Toa Heftiba / Unsplash; Giphy ( 6 )
