So what if you ate a gallon of mashed potatoes yesterday and sweatpants are all that fits you right now? You probs have a Kardashian family sized hangover from dealing with your family yesterday. Honestly, same. You’ve got the rest of the long weekend to get your shit together, Carole.
Aries
The thirst is real for the Aries betch this week. Should you hit up your high school ex who you ran into at the bar Wednesday night for a quick trip down memory lane with a memory bang? I mean, if he’s hot then, yeah. Go for it. Just don’t get your hopes up that your hometown tête-à-tête is going to turn into some rom-com worthy story to tell your future kids. Gross.
Taurus
There’s nothing like a trip home to fill you with gossip to last you through Christmas. Whether it’s weird family drama or you just found out a former frenemy is knocked up, it’s actually probably important you keep the information on the DL until you find out more about the situation. This weekend is a recon mission, betch.
Gemini
A serious conversation is set to take place, and yes, it will leave you feeling somewhat vulnerable and exposed. Like, metaphorically exposed, not like you just flashed some nip to thousands at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show (I’m looking at you, Bella). Seek advice from your wisest friend. You know, the person who has lost her keys the least amount of times in the last calendar year.
Cancer
The Moon in Aquarius is illuminating your sector of healing and transformation. Try to make this a time where you transform into a beautiful butterfly and not a Demogorgon. Yeah, the holiday bloat from Thanksgiving is real, and you probably don’t feel like getting off your ass. Um, just try, okay? You’ll clear your head and the endorphins will keep you from totally murdering your whole family.
Leo
A Leo betch isn’t known for being the most serious in the zodiac, but the side of you that likes order and prefers things to go your way really comes out this weekend. The Moon in Aquarius in your partnership zone is making you increasingly sensitive with those closest to you, so try to calm the fuck down when things don’t go your way. This is life, honey, don’t try to strong-arm things into happening that just are never going to happen *Regina George voice*.
Virgo
Be open to accepting help or advice from an unexpected source. Your drunk aunt Carol may be insane, but she’s probably seen some shit, so some of what she says might be useful, right? Ok, maybe don’t seek out your most wasted relative for serious advice, but the Sun in Sagittarius makes it so that connecting with a family member is literally the best thing for you rn.
Libra
The Moon in Aquarius is lighting the fire of love. This does not mean you’re just looking to scratch an itch. No, this time, you feel like you want to find some deeper connection, either with someone you already have an interest in or someone totally new. The more you think about how single you are, the worse you feel about it, though. So the real key to finding love is to not care about finding love. Yeah, it’s a Catch-22, but sometimes shit just doesn’t make sense.
Scorpio
The Moon in Aquarius is making you want to connect with your past. Sure, that could mean meeting up with the old group while you’re home for Thanksgiving, but don’t get too sucked into shit that you’ve moved on from. People usually move on because the past wasn’t actually that great. Your rose-colored glasses can be used to reminisce, sure. Just don’t let the blast from the past negatively affect your future.
Sagittarius
This weekend was probably fucking rough on you, because things that come along with the holidays—family, old friends, probing questions about what you’re going to do with your whole life—generally make you anxious as fuck. Try not to let self-criticism overtake your thoughts, though. Drink more wine and start talking shit about other people to take the heat off you. See, you’re actually doing pretty well for yourself when you consider how fucked up other people are too.
Capricorn
A Capricorn is pretty self-aware, but that can lead to a lot of self-doubt. That’s a pretty fucking lame quality, if you ask me. Instead of making excuses for your flaws this weekend, start bragging about them. Do you drink too much? No, that’s actually a talent and a skill. Are you too extra? Well, yeah, so is guac and people still love it. See, it’s easy.
Aquarius
There’s weird tension around what needs to be said. Everyone can sense the elephant in the room, and no one is doing anything about it. Might as well down that second glass of mulled wine and get it out in the fucking open at this point. No use in ruining Christmas with drama that could have been handled on Thanksgiving, amirite?
Pisces
Be careful that you don’t allow your thoughts to hold you back from doing awesome shit. Yeah, a Pisces can get stuck in her head a lot. But you know you’re personally a lot happier when you stop giving a fuck and do whatever you want. The secret of life is that most people don’t give a shit what you do, so make yourself happy first and start working on that happiness little by little, starting this weekend.
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