Kiss Summer Goodbye: Weekend Horoscopes September 4-6

Holy sh*t, it’s September, or, in quarantine-speak, March 398749836th. If you haven’t been paying attention to the news or have successfully sequestered yourself so much that you legit don’t know what day it is, COVID-19 is still rampant, America is still racist af, Europe is handling literally everything better, and there’s an election for the very soul of our nation in about two months.

Maybe the stars can help guide us? I mean, it is Labor Day weekend, the unofficial start of fall and Basic Bitch Season. It’s the least they can do.


Kick the unofficial end of summer off right with some r&r. Mercury is saying BYE BITCH to Virgo on Saturday, so you may feel extra moody, but we recommend sleeping through it and doing some of your fav activities to make yourself feel better. Sunday is perf for a tiny hike or stroll near the water, so make sure to schedule some time for that. What else are you doing?


It’s all about you this weekend, Libra. Lean into all things communication and being a part of the world by enjoying the outdoors with a friend or two plus your S.O. Nature may help you say things you have on your mind but haven’t found a good way to express in awhile. Like, how your friend not sending you memes during the workday is hurting your friendship, or how your S.O. pretends he doesn’t know where the Tupperware goes when he empties the dishwasher and it’s getting old.


Pay attention to your health this weekend, Scorpio. You’ve been kinda neglecting it since quarantine started, which we respect. But, maybe it’s time to go ahead and head outdoors for a walk, or to have a lunch that doesn’t consist purely of Cheetos (even if you mix it up with a few varieties of Cheeto). The time spent exercising or not eating garbage will also give you clarity on your career on Saturday night and into Sunday. Figure out if you’re like, actually happy. If not, it may be time to start exploring a change.


It’s uh, not gonna be a chill weekend on the romantic front, Sagittarius. Expect any arguments that were simmering below the surface to come to a head on Saturday. It honestly may be a good thing, considering you’ve wanted to get some sh*t off your chest for awhile now. Sunday will offer a bit of calm, so focus on yourself, what makes you happy, and THEN you can think about how other people may be affected. It’s called being an adult, duh.


Move forward calmly this weekend, Capricorn. Saturday is perfect for snuggling in at home, tackling a short and easy project (i.e. not trying to redo plumbing, hang shiplap, or read work emails) like finishing a book, trying a new cooking technique (are we still baking banana bread, guys?), or finally washing the sheets on your bed (ew). Use Sunday to tackle a more work-oriented endeavor, even if it’s a project your boss hasn’t officially asked for yet.


It’s all about relationships this weekend, Aquarius. Whether you haven’t talked to your dad in a while, or need to meet up with a sibling for brunch, or just need to sleep in Saturday with your S.O., use Saturday to focus on the most important people in your life. Even though being selfish is kinda fun, this weekend needs to be dedicated to the people who help keep you on track. So, no, it isn’t a good weekend to book your five-hour hair coloring appointment. Your roots aren’t that bad yet; it can wait.


Use your voice this weekend, Pisces. With all the easily accessible activism going on in the world, it’s a great opportunity to use your power for a great cause. Go out to a protest, volunteer at a non-profit that could use the help right now, or find organizations registering people to vote and get them up to speed.


Try not to be so impulsive this weekend, Aries. The planets are aligning on Friday night and Saturday to make sh*t like blowing money online, doing non-social distanced activities, and saying things you shouldn’t top of mind. Ignore the urge and think through your actions. By Saturday night and Sunday, you’ll feel more centered and able to actually think through that $400 silk dress purchase you were about to confirm. Spoiler alert: it was never a good idea and it won’t work on you anyway.


It’s cool if you feel like your head’s about to explode this weekend, Taurus. It’s totally just the planets f*cking with you. Doing something creative may take the pressure off a bit, so throw yourself into something artsy, like rearranging flowers or making a picture with glitter and dried macaroni. Get ready Sunday to feel antsy. We suggest moving furniture around to freshen things up… or just to piss yourself off when you have to move it all back.


Meet up with some friends to liven up the long weekend, Gemini. Book a brewery patio and catch up on drinking too much, gossip, and eating crappy fried food. It’s the only way to pay tribute to the unofficial end of summer and to guarantee your jeans won’t fit you at the end of the day. Being outdoors in general will boost your mood on Sunday, too, so keep things on point with a morning jog… or just have a mimosa on your balcony.


The planets may have you feeling all doom and gloom this weekend, Cancer. Don’t give in to that sh*t. Instead, boost your confidence and mood by tackling a project you know you can accomplish, like making your favorite dinner from scratch, answering two work emails without being an asshole, or not chugging an entire bottle of wine in one sitting.


Get ready to feeeeel yourself, Leo. This weekend, the planets and stars will align to help you see how hot, smart, and accomplished you are. You’ll be feeling confident af all weekend. Use your good mood on Saturday to do something you love with someone you love. Head out on a short road trip somewhere beautiful for a picnic or some sexy time outdoors. Sunday is for sleeping in, cancelling plans, and sitting in a bathtub with wine for longer than you should.

Images: Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson