Is it 2021 yet? Word on the street is that the planets decided to send an asteroid cruising CLOSE to earth around election day, and we say, don’t tease us. Like, let’s just end it already, lol amirite?
Mass hysteria, apocalypse, and feelings aside, it looks like everyone will start the weekend off on a pretty good note. Sunday, however, will be a study in irritability for all of us, as Mars and the moon decide to f*ck around and bestow bad moods on us, the innocent people of earth. The planets are the gift that just keeps on giving.
Virgo
The moon is shifting your focus to material things, Virgo, but it isn’t a bad thing. This could be a great opportunity to find and cash all those bonds your Grandma gave you, or check out your stocks that you like, knew you had but have never really understood. Imagine how adult you’ll feel if you actually look at your 401(k)!
Libra
Do you buy sh*t when you have a lot of feelings, Libra? Try and avoid that this weekend, otherwise you’re going to be in a hole. Aside from the impulse buys, you can look forward to a weekend of feeling good, confident, and overall pretty chill. Pay that sh*t forward and try not to be mean or judgy—at least til work on Monday.
Scorpio
Chill tf out, Scorpio. The planets and stars decided it’d be funny to make you angry at everything this weekend, so keep that in mind when you’re mid-meltdown in Target on Saturday because they don’t have your size in that sweater you want. Likewise, try not to blow up at your S.O., bestie, or mom on Sunday. We promise by the end of the weekend the universe will be back to normal and you won’t be having a quasi-breakdown every three minutes.
Sagittarius
Pay attention to your dreams this weekend, Sagittarius. It may be a good idea to keep your Notes app ready so you can jot down all the weird sh*t floating through your head Friday and Saturday night. You’ll also want to make time for socializing this weekend, and, like, telling your friends about your night terrors. We promise it’ll be a more entertaining discussion the more cocktails you have.
Capricorn
This week was f*cking ridiculous, Capricorn, so this weekend, you need to play just as hard as you worked. There’s nothing wrong with deleting your work email off your phone as of 5pm on Friday and refusing to even open your laptop until 8am Monday. You earned it. Your career is important, but it’s not the only thing in life. Keep it far from your mind all weekend. Call up your besties and go jump in a leaf pile or drink a disgusting pumpkin beer somewhere.
Aquarius
Time for a long drive and possible overnight stay out of town, Aquarius. Covid is like, still a thing, but if you can find a campground, Airbnb, or hotel where you can be a responsible (read: masked) member of society and still enjoy a weekend away, go for it. You need to clear your head, and nothing helps a week of stress like window shopping, dining out, and sweater weather. F*ck, maybe you can find a pumpkin patch, too. Basically, embrace the basic bitch inside.
Pisces
It’s a great weekend to sit inside, look at your household budget, and cry about not having won the lottery at some point. Seriously, though, try and reign in your spending before the holidays so you can actually afford some decent sh*t this year for the people you tolerate. After all that, use Sunday for getting outside and not complaining about it.
Aries
Partnership, romance, and passion are in the cards for you this weekend, Aries. Even though dating during a pandemic kinda blows, make time for your S.O. this weekend, be it letting him watch his favorite show, not arguing with him about emptying the dishwasher, or planning a short drive in the country where you don’t argue. If you’re single, there’s a great chance for a good connection, so pay attention to your dating app matches.
Taurus
It’s all about self-care this weekend, Taurus. Pay close attention to what you’re eating, your exercise routine, and your ability to f*cking relax. The moon wants you to give your partner some love this weekend, and you can’t really do that until you take care of yourself. Heads up, if you feel moody af on Sunday, that sh*t will pass. It’s just the planets f*cking with your moods.
Gemini
Self-care and creativity are on the horizon for the weekend, Gemini. Use Saturday to be your best self, whether that’s limiting your screen time, going for a jog, or taking a long bubble bath with wine in hand and kids/husbands/animals nowhere nearby. Mars may f*ck with you on Sunday, so continue the self-care marathon in a more indulgent way, i.e. the worst/best Chinese food you can find, sweats, and a pumpkin-scented candle.
Cancer
Home, family, your nest, and cuddling are on the docket this weekend, Cancer. Tackle any long-standing house projects you’ve been putting off, like hanging your gallery wall or putting that weird festival tapestry above your bed where it belongs: the trash. BTW, you may feel super irritable on Sunday. Try to power through and distract yourself with fun sh*t like pizza and booze.
Leo
Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster of a weekend, Leo. Friday night you’ll miss your crew, so try and schedule some socially distant and responsible time out for gossip, wine, and reminiscing about when your backs didn’t hurt 24/7. Saturday and Sunday you’ll feel a little on edge, so try and relax with yoga, a walk outside, or binge watching all the past seasons of KUWTK,
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