You Need To Get Off The Couch: Weekend Horoscopes October 9-11

We’re currently at the height of spooky season, for more reasons than one. Sure, there are lots of autumnal vibes happening right now, but we’re also only a few weeks away from an election that’s been deemed a battle for the soul of America. Hard to get excited about Halloween when the real scary sh*t is going down on November 3rd.

Anyway, suffice it to say that it isn’t all leaf piles and pumpkin spice lattes and cozy sweaters this weekend. The planets are majorly f*cking with some of us, making tempers shorter than Trump’s ability to take COVID seriously. But thankfully, the stars may be able to offer some much-needed guidance about how to deal with whatever situation you find yourself in. Let’s dive right in.


It’s gearing up to be a tense f*cking weekend, Libra. Starting Friday evening you’ll be liable to snap at anyone, and anything, so it may be best to quarantine alone with some cozy pants, a bottle of wine, and a serial killer miniseries playing in the background. Take a breath and take your time; it’s just the planets, fam.


Try and leave the house and couch this weekend, Scorpio. You don’t need to plan a fall-fest-acular with pumpkin picking and apple orchards and leaf piles, though. Just make an effort to enjoy nature in whatever way you can. The moon is all like “explore things that aren’t the fridge, lol!” so maybe listen to that logic on Saturday. Sunday you can totally relax, but again, maybe do it outside the house.


Aww, the planets are about to catch you in a good mood this weekend, Sagittarius. If you’re looking to find love in quarantine, Saturday and Sunday look promising, so keep swiping. When your fingers are tired, use your energy to tackle some household chores and projects, like making your friends help you hang pictures and set up that extra TV.


Weeee, it’s an emotional rollercoaster, Capricorn! The planets are f*cking with your feelings from Friday night through Sunday morning, so don’t be surprised if you’re extra snippy and on the verge of tears simultaneously. If you can, head out for a glass of wine somewhere socially responsible just to get out of the house. A meetup with a close friend that you can complain to may help, too.


The moon wants you to take a long, hard look at your self-care routines, Aquarius. Are you spending half of your paycheck on skin and makeup stuff? Maybe it’s time to look into spending that cash on better food, instead? After all that soul searching, give yourself an opportunity to relax and rest by kicking your feet up, turning off your phone, and doing one of those cool but gross face masks that pull all the sh*t out of your pores.


Romance, ahoy, Pisces. Tis the perfect weekend to plan a date night with your sweetie. Chances are good that you’ll wake up together and not be mad about it. If you’re single, get to swiping or ask your besties if they have any not-weird, single friends. You’re also being influenced by the stars to get your creativity on this weekend, so maybe take up a new project like knitting an interesting scarf or making a sculpture out of rocks, idfk.


Holy ambition, batman. This weekend presents a great opportunity for you to get ahead on a work project, tackle a (small) home reno, or just do something you haven’t had the energy for (looking at you, upstairs guest room project). You’ll also be focused on your fam, so try and make time for a dinner together with people you love or just an hour block of FaceTime with your mom.


Time to explore yourself, Taurus. If you’ve felt insecure or unsure about who you are these days, this is a great weekend to embrace whatever-the-f*ck Venus is doing and do a deep dive into your feelings. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Are you truly happy with your job/life/partner? If not, change that sh*t. On Sunday, you’ll want to embrace home life with your S.O., so plan for a Netflix sesh and possible weirdness after, yay!


Listen to your gut this weekend, Gemini. The planets will be sending strong signals regarding your current life status, so pay attention. On top of all that, you’ll kiiiind of be in the mood to just be by yourself, so make time for quiet reading, solitude, and self-soothing. It’ll also be a good weekend to review your finances, so make time to read over your recent spending while amazing yourself at the number of times you can eat out in a week.


Uh oh, time to examine your relationships, Cancer. It may not be all bad though; take time to talk through some feelings with your partner over a nice dinner or during a nature walk when you aren’t gasping for breath. Sh*t, even going for a nice drive to stare at the changing leaves could be a fun and cliche way to chat about your wants and needs. It may be a tad exhausting emotionally, but your relationship will be better for it.


Express yourself, Leo. Although you can’t really go to the club and dance out your feelings, sketching or running or dancing alone in your apartment are great ways to relieve stress and get your creative juices flowing. Sunday you need to be careful of coming off brash and mean to other people, even if you feel like they deserve it.


Be f*cking nice, Virgo. The planets are putting you in a pissy mood, so be careful about what you say and how you say it. Even if you think you’re being funny, your comments could be cutting and put someone else in a sad place. That’s not nice. Solitude may be a good option if you can’t behave yourself, so throw on your sweats, relax, and yell at the TV instead.

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Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson