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Here Are Your Weekend Horoscopes For October 20th-22nd

By Betch Ivy Carter | October 20, 2017

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That’s right, we’re back on our bullshit. Here’s another dose of weekend horoscopes in haiku style, because why take an entire paragraph to say what 17 syllables can communicate so eloquently? Brevity is the soul of wit, but it also makes reading at work less of a liability. Enjoy!


It doesn’t matter
as much as you think it does.
Stop losing your shit.


Love is in the air!
Wait. No. That’s not love, is it?
Oh. That’s spite. My bad.


What were you doing
when you should have been sleeping?
Probably not worth it.


Feelings are valid.
That doesn’t mean people care.
Vent judiciously.


It’s time to wake up.
You’re the life of the party.
Start acting like it.


Real life starts next week.
Use this time to live it up.
Savor the freedom.


Rolling stones gather
no moss. But who cares? Moss sucks.
Roll on. Stay moss free.


Birthdays are coming.
Time to break out that old crown.
Never dull your shine.


Ignore the haters.
They’ll talk shit no matter what.
Live louder. Be bold.


When choosing between
two impossible options,
enlist vodka’s help.


Hell hath no fury
like you when you are restless.
Stay busy. Find peace.


Don’t be fooled, Pisces.
Silver linings aren’t assured.
Work for your good luck.