That’s right, we’re back on our bullshit. Here’s another dose of weekend horoscopes in haiku style, because why take an entire paragraph to say what 17 syllables can communicate so eloquently? Brevity is the soul of wit, but it also makes reading at work less of a liability. Enjoy!
Aries
It doesn’t matter
as much as you think it does.
Stop losing your shit.
Taurus
Love is in the air!
Wait. No. That’s not love, is it?
Oh. That’s spite. My bad.
Gemini
What were you doing
when you should have been sleeping?
Probably not worth it.
Cancer
Feelings are valid.
That doesn’t mean people care.
Vent judiciously.
Leo
It’s time to wake up.
You’re the life of the party.
Start acting like it.
Virgo
Real life starts next week.
Use this time to live it up.
Savor the freedom.
Libra
Rolling stones gather
no moss. But who cares? Moss sucks.
Roll on. Stay moss free.
Scorpio
Birthdays are coming.
Time to break out that old crown.
Never dull your shine.
Sagittarius
Ignore the haters.
They’ll talk shit no matter what.
Live louder. Be bold.
Capricorn
When choosing between
two impossible options,
enlist vodka’s help.
Aquarius
Hell hath no fury
like you when you are restless.
Stay busy. Find peace.
Pisces
Don’t be fooled, Pisces.
Silver linings aren’t assured.
Work for your good luck.
