Be Happy, Not Insane: Weekend Horoscopes For September 14-16

This weekend, the Moon moves from Scorpio into Sagittarius. Sagittarius is a fire sign, so with the power of the Moon, this weekend should have you feeling optimistic, idealistic, and creative. That means you really need to lock up the crazy when you get a match on the dating apps. Delete Pinterest from your phone so you’re not tempted to plan an entire wedding around this guy’s aesthetic. Resist screen-shotting his pictures and sending them to the group chat telling your friends this is your future husband. You can be an optimist this weekend without going full-blown insane. Remember that. Here are your weekend horoscopes for September 14-16:


The Moon in Scorpio to start the weekend pushes you to want to stay inside. Like, is it really that important you make an appearance at that thing Friday night? Ehhh, better not. Rest and relaxation is important for your self-care on Friday. But as the Moon enters uplifting Sagittarius, you’ll change your attitude and outlook. I mean, you only have so many weekends with decent weather left. You might as well enjoy not bringing a jacket while there’s still time.


It’s a great weekend to vent, rant and talk, but maybe not the best weekend to make any life-changing decisions. The powerful pull of the Moon in Sagittarius could cause you to be too optimistic about your abilities. So you can talk about things, just don’t make any big commitments. Don’t bite off more than you can chew by telling yourself you’re going to start a strict diet on Monday. When the Moon changes signs again, you’ll be more realistic and realize that keto really isn’t in the cards for you because it f*cking sucks.


Get out your FBI hat and aviators. This weekend, you’re down to solve a good mystery involving your friends, family, or significant other. I’m talking about pulling out all the stops when sleuthing: looking at the receipts in their car, checking their Venmo transactions, scouring every picture and profile they’ve liked or followed on Instagram. Sure, you could be paranoid, OR you could be right! You never really know what you’ll uncover unless you spend too much of your time pursuing what may or may not be there!


This weekend, your word choice is intentional and your point will come across clearly. This is probably the best opportunity you’ll have to tell your back burner bro that he’s fun to hang out with, but it will probably never go anywhere. You don’t open up to others often, so you might want to check yourself before you start letting the truth darts fly. Think about tempering what you say with a little bit of empathy. You can get your point across without being a total asshole, just so you know.


The Moon entering Sagittarius will free up your ability to move forward and get on with your life, especially in the areas of romance and creativity. You’ve felt a little held back lately because of some unnecessary baggage you’ve been carrying. This weekend, pretend like you’re on the Titanic and get rid of that extra weight like your life depends on it. Delete the pics of your ex from your phone, throw away your name badge from that job you hated, and take down the pictures of people you aren’t friends with anymore. You legit don’t need that kind of negative energy in your life.


This weekend is kind of weird for you. With the Moon in Sagittarius, you’re motivated to make plans for the future. Something is holding you back from fully committing, though. The Mercury/Jupiter/Pluto alignment egging you on by Saturday turns you into a master detective. You believe where there’s smoke, there’s fire. So your hunch that something is up definitely means something is up, right? Sure, all that weed could be making you a little paranoid, but it’s better safe than sorry when deciding your fate.


Your friends might call you out for being a bit sketch this weekend. I mean, it’s fine if you want to keep secrets, just be forewarned that some of the other signs are up on their investigative abilities (see: Virgo). Change the password on your phone, computer, and Netflix account. Roommates and boyfriends are particularly nosy. I’m not saying what you’re hiding is necessarily bad, but unless you want to get roasted in your friend group for having a major crush on your bald philosophy professor, you better lock all those inner thoughts down.


You’ve become the defacto planner for your friend group this weekend. Don’t be surprised if you get called out for being too high-strung. Sure, you could use a chill pill, but you really just want everything to go according to plan and everyone to have a good time. You’d just rather not waste time or money with a plan that doesn’t pay off the way that you’re expecting it to. Deep breaths, betch. Everything should be fine, as long as you give everyone time and space to socialize. The signs are particularly chatty this weekend. Basically, everyone just wants to drink and gossip and they’ll be happy.


Before you ditch out on all your responsibilities this weekend, you need to make a final check with your higher-ups to make sure everything is handled. It would really suck to spend your days off fixing a problem you could have handed with one email or conversation before you left the office. If it’s too late, and you’re reading this as sh*t is hitting the fan, that’s on you. I’m just saying, always check the horoscope before going on with your life. We could save you a lot of problems. Just saying.


The Moon in Scorpio is illuminating your social zone and awakening the need to confide in a friend who understands you, and as the the Moon enters Sagittarius, you will turn your attention inward and toward the past. If you have a girls night planned with some of your oldest friends this weekend, you’re living your life right. Connecting with people who just get you who also have the ability to make fun of you for dumb sh*t you did  in the past is really the best course of action for returning to work/school Monday refreshed, rejuvenated and happy.


A Mercury/Jupiter/Pluto alignment suggests that you’ll benefit from not giving away your plans this weekend. Some signs are into sleuthing this weekend, others are into keeping secrets. You’re on the secret side of the spectrum. It’s really nobody’s business this weekend if you have a really good idea for an app and you’re securing investors or if you’ve been invited to a party that none of your other friends are invited to. Hey, creating a little mystery in life can be healthy.


Your Pisces sense of intuition will come in handy this weekend as you decipher the difference between what someone is saying and what they actually mean. While other signs are busy playing detective, going through their significant other’s texts and Venmo history, you’re more likely to listen to their words and interpret their expressions to get an accurate reading. Asking the right questions can also tell you what you need to know. No use beating around the bush. Ask and you shall receive!

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