Avoid Tequila And Red Wine: Weekend Horoscopes For June 15-17

The Moon in Cancer means this is the weekend to resurrect the version of yourself that enjoys a good drunk cry. A Cancer Moon makes you inherently more emotional. Likewise, it’s important you avoid tequila and red wine as to not encourage the public display of crazy. If those are your go-tos, you might want to stock up on the waterproof mascara. Here are your weekend horoscopes for June 15-17.


If you’ve got plans in the works for your future, avoid sharing them with Negative Nancys this weekend. You legitimately don’t need to be discouraged before you even get started on creating your new Etsy shop or pet themed Instagram. Keep your confidence level high by surrounding yourself with your biggest cheerleaders.


As a Taurus, you normally keep strong opinions to yourself. This weekend, it’s important you stand the fuck up for yourself. Someone seemingly well-meaning will offer you advice that you just don’t need to take. “Bitch, you don’t know my life” should be your personal mantra. I mean, say it in your head and not out loud so you don’t look like a total psycho, but you get what I mean.


The Bank of Dad (or the actual bank) might be denying you the funding you need to keep up your lifestyle this weekend. Don’t push your luck or push your account into the red just to keep up appearances. When your friends suggest the most expensive tapas place for dinner on Saturday, feel free to lie and say you have plans. Actually, it’s not a lie; your plans are to eat somewhere that won’t leave you mostly starving and broke.


Someone in your life has been on your case for acting childish or immature. Maybe you’re the one being hard on yourself for not being serious enough about life. Whatever. Ignore it for now because 1) it’s summer and being serious can wait for the fall and 2) plenty of fun, young people are successful. I mean, I wouldn’t say Donald Trump is particularly mature and he’s the President! OK, BAD EXAMPLE, but you get the point.


Making a bold choice this weekend might seem like a great idea at the time but could leave you with major regrets on Monday. For example, re-watching 500 Days of Summer while drinking rosé could inspire you to cut Zooey Deschanel bangs. Super cute until you realize you’ll have to pin your bangs back like a third-grader in order to see the computer screen you stare at all day while working. Just always say no to changing your appearance while intoxicated.


All the things you agreed to do this weekend because they sounded like fun at the time will be total drudgery. So, yeah, you have that to look forward to. Just try not to flake out on your friends. There will come a day, probably soon, when you’ll need them by your side doing something they don’t want to do. Go with them this weekend so they owe you one. That’s feminism 101.


According to your weekend horoscope, you won’t get the approval you’re seeking from an authority figure. Don’t get your hopes up for a bunch of commendation from your boss on Friday. Don’t think your professor will email telling you she was wrong for giving you a D when you totally deserved a C-. Don’t expect your dad to rise from the dead and tell you you’re doing a great job running a communist regime. Wait, that one only applies to Kim Jong Un. You get the point.


Venus in your career zone facing off with Uranus in your partnership zone means you’re going to have some tough choices to make in the future. Where you see your job taking you might come into conflict with your romantic life. You’ll have to make those decisions by yourself, but a word of advice: you never go wrong looking out for number one.


Venus is facing off with Uranus. For the Sagittarius betch, that means your romantic life and your habits are in for a shakeup this weekend. For example, that guy you always text but never meet up with for drinks—you know the one—well, it’s time to make him shit or get off the pot, metaphorically. Put the ultimatum on the table: either go on the date or cut the cord. Limbo is for children’s birthday parties only, not your love life.


Venus in your intimacy zone will bring out your adventurous side in the bedroom this weekend. Whether it’s a guy you just met on Hinge, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your boyfriend and a girlfriend, whatever, it will get wild if you just let your guard down a little. Don’t be afraid to shed that buttoned-up Capricorn attitude and let out your inner vixen.


Tension at home is likely to arise this weekend. Arguments with boyfriends or roommates will be inevitable if you spend too much time cooped up together. I suggest limiting your time at home. GTFO and enjoy the company of others. If a disruption occurs, don’t do anything too drastic you’ll regret on Monday. Sleep on it before breaking up or moving out.


Reset your life at work by redrawing the boundaries with coworkers starting this weekend. If things between your real life and your job seem a little too intertwined, start the process of conscious uncoupling, as Gwyneth would say. You don’t need to make all your coworkers your best friends, and you definitely don’t need to date someone you work with. Say no to happy hour with the gang and think twice before firing up that office romance with a drunken text on Friday night. Office romance only works for Jim and Pam, btw.

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