Every Hour Is Happy Hour: Weekend Horoscopes For January 18-20

Did you know that the third week of January is considered the most depressing week of the year? Did reading that make you more depressed? My b. This weekend is all about shaking off that bad mid-January energy and launching yourself into the rest of the month. Or just like, staying in bed watching You on Netflix all day. Either works. Here are your weekend horoscopes for January 18-20.


It’s happy hour every hour for you this weekend, Aries. Scour the internet for a good event to let loose at (or just plan one yourself) because you don’t want to let all this good energy go to waste. You’ll miss it on the days where you’re feeling so lazy you don’t even have the energy to order Seamless.


Do you have ESPN or something? Your psychic abilities are off the chain this weekend, so whatever you do, trust your intuition. That guy at the bar seem shady? He probably is. That new brunch place seem overhyped and overpriced? You know it’s true. Just don’t go overboard and start trying to change the future That’s So Raven-style. You know that never worked out for her.


Now is the perfect time to get over that person that you say you’re over, but we all know you’re not really over. You’re primed to make new connections this weekend, but it’ll never happen if you don’t shed the baggage. So delete his number from your phone and get ready to fill it with new numbers from people who actually text back.


It’s staycation time! You’ve been going a mile a minute trying to make all your 2019 goals happen, but this weekend it’s time to chill. Grab your favorite face mask, invest in a new bath bomb, and give yourself some time to enjoy the fruits of your new gym schedule and healthy eating regimen. If you don’t do that, then what’s it all for?


Fire up the apps, because you are so hot right now, Leo. For whatever reason, everybody is into you right now and it’s okay to take advantage of it. Set up some dates, accept those free drinks, and just generally bask in all the compliments. Just try not to make your other single friends too jealous.


If you’re in a relationship, your significant other is lucky as f*ck because you’re in the mood to pamper other people this weekend, Virgo. You’re just like, that good of a friend I guess. You’ll derive a lot of joy out of making someone’s day this weekend, whether it be bae or bff, so think of a plan now and execute. They’ll owe you one, and you’ll get a lot of good karma.


You should hit up the squad now, Libra, because starting Friday you’re going to be in the mood for some serious hang time. Sure, you and your crew have the group chat going 24/7, but this weekend you’re going to want some actual face time (not FaceTime). Set up a brunch or invite everybody over for a girls night (because you know that sh*t won’t plan itself).


You knew it was coming, but now it’s finally time: define the relationship. And if you’re not in a romantic relationship that needs defining, figure out what other relationships in your life could use a check-in. Do you know where your childhood best friend is right now? Do you know that because you asked, or because you saw her story? Maybe it’s time to reconnect.


You want attention, and there’s nothing wrong with that. This weekend you will be battling the urge to perform, so why not find some constructive way to do so? (i.e not starting sh*t at the bar with some rando so everyone can hear your clapbacks.) If you’re a karaoke person, this is the weekend to do karaoke. If you’re not a karaoke person…maybe try karaoke? It’s better than some of the other outlets for attention your brain can come up with.


Break out your fluffiest socks, because you’re feeling cozy this weekend. It’s gonna be all hot chocolate, warm blankets, and pretending it’s anything other than horrifically cold outside. If someone wants to see you, they can come to your den. Otherwise, it’s hibernation time. Honestly, your friends will be jealous.


For the first time in a long time, Aquarius, you actually feel like going out. Don’t waste it! Find an event or a club you’ve been dying to hit up, gather your most fun friends (you know, the ones who low-key scare you sometimes) and plan a night to (not) remember. Who knows when you’ll be feeling this way again?


You’re feeling even dreamier than usual, Pisces, which means this weekend is time for some deep introspection. Wtf are you even doing with your life right now? Do you like it? If you don’t like it, why are you doing it? Does the person you’re seeing spark joy? If not, take a page out of Marie Kondo’s book and throw ‘em in the trash.

Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (6)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.