It’s Friday, and you know what that means: It’s the freakin’ weekend. But how should you spend the weekend? Should you spend it sippin’ on Coke and rum, screaming “so what I’m drunk” to anyone who dares question you? Should you spend it asleep? Read your weekend horoscope to find out, and then get drunk anyway because we know that’s what you’re gonna do no matter what the stars say.
Work got you down, Aries? Like, more than usual? After a summer of easy living and minimal office hours, it can be hard to get back into the swing of things. But you also don’t want to be that lazy asshole who is very obviously sitting at her desk taking Buzzfeed quizzes all day. What’s a girl to do? Use this weekend to decompress as much as humanly possible. You need to walk into work fresh-faced, bushy-tailed, and ready to do work on Monday, which means Saturday and Sunday need to be as tranquil as humanly possible. In general, make any off time an oasis to motivate yourself to get through the day.
You know the saying work hard, play hard, Taurus? Well, it only applies if you keep up both ends of the bargain. Your work has left a little to be desired these past few weeks, which isn’t really being aided by the amount of playing you’re doing. Let this weekend serve as a detox of sorts: Cut the alcohol, maybe start sleeping again, see how a book treats you. You know, fun, peaceful stuff. Feel free to go hard on the partying once you get your work balance back to where it used to be.
Things aren’t always going to go your way, Gemini. I know that can be hard to hear, seeing as how you demand almost the exact opposite, but this is going to be a weekend of tough truths. Our advice? Roll with the punches, and supplement with vodka when necessary. If it gets to be too much, just remove yourself from the equation and hide yourself away. There’s no shame in bowing out when you’ve had too much.
Your life has been a whirlwind of movement and activity these past few weeks, Cancer, but it’s time to get back into the swing of things. Step one of resuming a normal life: Reconnect with your friends. It’s been long enough that you may have some difficulty recognizing each other, but it’s nothing an extended happy hour can’t fix. Once you’re back with your people and feeling grounded, it’ll be easier to move on to righting the rest of your life.
This weekend you’ll be presented with the opportunity to widen your circle and interact with some people that you typically wouldn’t. Sure, this sounds like a recipe for disaster on about 100 different levels, but armed with some solid allies and a little alcohol, there’s no harm in moving outside your comfort zone. It’s nice to branch out every once in a while, if anything to remind ourselves why we steadfastly avoid it every other weekend of the year.
This is a weekend to take things easy, Virgo. While you’re not necessarily in hot water at the moment, one wrong step could put you into a very precarious situation with more than one person in your life. Your best bet is navigating this weekend carefully, opting to stay under the radar when possible. Things will ease up in the next couple weeks, but it would behoove you to tread lightly until then.
It’s birthday season, Libra! Congrats on making it to the most important time of the year. Your only job this weekend, and for the next couple weeks tbh, is to be as extra as possible. None of your friends can be mad, because those bitches will do the exact same thing when it’s their turn. Let the “treat yo’self” mentality start this weekend, as if you don’t live the rest of the year in the exact same way.
What’s good, Scorpio? Certainly not your luck. There’s just been something about the start of this month that has truly fucked with you, and you haven’t been able to catch a break all week. The good news: It’ll pass. The bad news: Not before the end of this weekend. We all have off-periods from time to time, it’s nothing to freak out about. But maybe try and avoid any high-stress situations this weekend in the hopes of flying under the radar until things turn around for you.
Looking for a change, Sagittarius? It’s obvious you’re feeling restless, but the question is what are you trying to accomplish here? Fall is a great time for new starts, so if you’re looking to turn over a new leaf, this would be the perfect weekend to start. Use the next two days to get introspective af. Drink some tea, take some walks, sit on rocks and gaze into the distance. Whatever it takes to get you into decision-making mode, do it. You’re going to be making some big moves, be sure to take it seriously.
It’s time to start taking better care of yourself, Capricorn, in literally every sense of the world. You’ve taken a bit of a tumble off the self-care wagon, and this is the weekend you dive back on. Maybe you want to start eating healthier—spend the next two days recipe researching and meal prepping for the week ahead. Not feeling active enough? Get out there and enjoy the last of this weather before winter hits. Or take a mental health approach and spend your time adjusting your mindset. All that matters is that, come Monday, you feel like you’ve taken a real step to a happier, healthier you.
This is a big weekend for you, Aquarius. Some long-term plans are falling into place and you’re finally making real progress. Congrats! However, we know that you’re doing anything but celebrating. While some would be relieved by this by the idea of moving forward, you’re already knee-deep in analyzing and planning phase two. This weekend, give yourself a bit of a break from coordinating your life and let loose a little. It may be your last chance to blow off some steam for the foreseeable future, so kick back with a bottle of wine and leave the frantic shit for next Monday.
October holds some real opportunity for you, Pisces. The planets are aligning for a productive month, but that doesn’t mean you can just sit back and coast. Doesn’t matter how generous Mercury is feeling if you spend the next three weeks on your ass. This weekend, take some time to establish a game plan for the things you want to get after this month. You’ll feel better knowing you’ve put some thought into something other than the season premiere of Riverdale next week, and you’ll feel empowered Monday knowing you’ve got a plan moving forward.