Vanessa Carlton Almost Destroyed Taylor Swift But Failed Miserably

I’ll admit that when news of the Harvey Weinstein sexual harassment allegations, my thought process was basically, “Oh, an extremely high-powered white man getting accused of abusing his power and terrorizing women? Why am I not surprised?” And I went back to whatever I was doing on that day—probably my regularly scheduled anxiety spiral that Trump will plunge us all into World War III and institute another Holocaust. You know, the usual. But now that Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie have come out and made accusationsand a recording surfaced of Weinstein admitting to groping a woman, this shit is just too awful for me to put on the backburner. I only have SO much mental energy to devote to things that won’t contribute to my immediate and untimely death, ya know? Well, no more. Just gotta throw these Harvey Weinstein allegations into my existing anxiety spiral. Just fuck me up, fam. Anyway, Vanessa Carlton (throwback) had an interesting take on this situation, and it involved shading Taylor Swift, Gwyneth Paltrow, and I think Harvey Weinstein, all in one fell swoop? I’m not really sure. She just came out here firing shots with no regard for human life.

On her Instagram Story, Vanessa posted the following message:

Vanessa Carlton IG Story

Wow, okay. There’s a lot to unpack here. First off, Vanessa honey, love the verb. I would also add to that definition, though, “When one doesn’t comment on a situation even though one has a moral and ethical obligation to comment on such a situation because one has built one’s career around the issues surrounding said situation…” I.e., Taylor Swift claiming to be a feminist, building her entire 1989 album and its promotion around being a feminist and having a “girl squad,” yet not speaking up during Donald Trump’s “grab ’em by the pussy” saga or really much of the election cycle in general and tearing other women down who steal her boyfriends backup dancers all the time… you all know what I mean. This isn’t exactly groundbreaking. So, yes, LOVE “Taylor Swifting” and I will be using it in many future situations, like towards my aunt who voted for Trump because he was “the only one looking out for middle America,” who has worked as an educator all her life and still supported Betsy DeVos’ nomination as Secretary of Education because she’s an “outsider”. How’s that working out for ya, CAROLE? 

Anyway, although I do love the term I’ve got to say, the entire purpose of this Instagram Story makes no sense. This was apparently posted yesterday, and news about Gwyneth Paltrow’s accusations also came out yesterday. Vanessa quickly apologized and said she hadn’t seen the story yet, but still—very bad timing. It’s also pretty fucked up to call out a woman who’s been through sexual harassment and possibly assault. I watch enough Law & Order: SVU and just have enough common sense in general to understand that there are a number of reasons a survivor of abuse would be reluctant to speak out against her abuser, especially if that abuser is one of the most powerful men in her field. There was no reason to come for Gwyneth. None.

Also, even though I am here for Taylor Swifting in general—and all roasting of Taylor Swift for that matter, for now until the end of time—the verb is not accurate at all in the context in which it is being used, because Taylor Swift did speak out against the man who groped her—she did so very publicly, in fact, by suing her for the excessive sum of one whole American dollar. However, in regards to issues such as gun violence, racism, intersectionality, etc., “Taylor Swifting” still stands. But as far as trying to call out Taylor Swift for inaction against sexual harassment? No, ma’am. You can take one giant seat.

So like, nice verb, wrong place and time. Vanessa, if I may offer some advice: Maybe just go back to whatever it is you were doing before this unfortunate Instagram story. Just sit back and collect that White Chicks money, and think before you post next time.