You've probably heard by now that today will be longer by an extra second, for a whole bunch of science-y reasons, which means a lot to me personally. It means that I can say I've spent more than 24 hours thinking about how awesome I am in a single day. It means that, were I to start bedding a spicy hot lady like Minka Kelly at 11:59:59, I still wouldn't be able to say our lovemaking lasted until the next morning. Leathery assbag Sean Penn, however, won't have to worry about that, because after being straight up ghosted by also-hot lady Charlize Theron, he's moved on to popping Viagra for none other than Minka Kelly herself. Via TMZ:
“These pics were taken last Tuesday at French Laundry, the uber-fancy/delicious/exclusive restaurant in the Napa Valley. Sean was celebrating Minka Kelly's 35th birthday, along with 3 other people.
They were by no means hush hush … people at other tables heard Sean tell the other 3 he and Minka met at a Haiti charity event.
They had a feast to end all, with a chicken with the feet still attached, truffle mac and cheese and a birthday cake. The people at Sean's table, along with others in the restaurant, serenaded Minka to “Happy Birthday.”
Sean picked up the tab … and it was pricey.“
That is the most Sean Penn fucking story I have ever heard. You know he tipped off TMZ and made sure they mentioned that he paid the tab… “and it was pricey.” Sean Penn doesn't do too many movies these days, mostly because he's busy pretending to help Haiti in order to purchase goodwill credits to offset his assholishness, which would still be impossible even if he managed to rebuild Haiti with his two bare hands. Minka Kelly used to date Derek Jeter, who is such a thoughtless automaton that it's no wonder she might want someone with a little more intellectual depth, but Sean Penn? This is the guy who, when married to Madonna in 1987, sent her to the hospital after he did his best Bryce Harper impression on her face with a baseball bat (a year later, he tied her to a chair and went off on her again). He's been charged with assault as recently as 2009, and has six total arrests.
Sean Penn is a garbage person, not least of which because he orders chicken WITH THE FUCKING FEET ATTACHED. Minka: I read a book one time, if that's what you're looking for. Let's talk.