If your neck is feeling a little sore today, it’s probably because you’re suffering from a major case of Kardashian whiplash. Just 24 hours after news broke of Scott Disick and Sofia Richie’s breakup, there’s been another plot twist. While I will not go back on my claims of Scott being the ultimate fuckboy (there’s more than enough evidence), it looks like he and Sofia are probably still together. Yikes.
Even though the original breakup story relied on some anonymous sources for important info, everything seemed to check out. Multiple people saw Scott with another woman at Kanye’s listening party in Wyoming, and the idea that he would cheat in Miami doesn’t exactly require a stretch of the imagination. Allegations of Scott Disick fucking around in Miami are basically a dime a dozen, so it wasn’t like, earth-shattering news. Also, Lionel Richie is clearly not a big fan of Scott in general, so the detail about him threatening to cut Sofia off if she stayed with him didn’t seem too crazy. But then Scott got on Instagram and flipped the whole fucking thing upside down.
Omg. OMG. Scott isn’t often one to address haters or tabloid rumors, instead usually just posting pictures of cars and boats and private planes and watches and did he mention he’s rich? Honestly, the fact that he straight-up addressed the breakup reports publicly on his Instagram indicates that he might actually care deeply about his relationship with Sofia. Does he have…feelings? I’m sorry, I cannot deal. Also, I’d like to commend whatever intern at TMZ is tasked with finding the absolute worst photos of truly gorgeous celebrities. Really, this photo makes Sofia Richie, an actual model, look like a naked mole rat doing John Lennon cosplay, and for that I am thankful.
If the Instagram story seemed super out of character for Scott, he returned to form with a cryptic post on his main grid. It shows him and Sofia standing behind a car outside of Nobu, and he creatively captioned the photo “Nobu.” First of all, Nobu is the perfect location for this picture. It encapsulates everything about Scott Disick, and I would be disappointed if they were at any other restaurant during these dark times. Scott probably goes to Nobu like, four times a week, and I won’t pretend I’m not jealous.
Now that I’ve addressed the glory that is “Nobu,” let’s break down what’s happening in this enigma of a photo. I really need to know who took the photo. The person is clearly standing at least 10 feet away, but could be like 50 feet away with a giant camera lens. But is it a paparazzi photo? Did Scott hire someone to take their photo? Is it Kris Jenner??? I NEED ANSWERS! (It’s probably Kris Jenner.)
And what emotions are happening with Scott and Sofia as the valet dude gets into their gleaming car? I would say they both have, like, a hint of a smile on their faces, but they also simultaneously look like they could be pissed off? And when was the last time Scott shaved, because I know of a really cool store called CVS that sells razors. Seriously, the man looks like he’s gearing up to play Jared Leto in a 30 Seconds to Mars biopic (my 2011 dream).
So, Scott Disick and Sofia Richie are still together for now. My sincerest apologies to anyone who was traumatized by the breakup that was apparently not real. Next time, I’ll pay less attention to the anonymous People sources, and more attention to who’s hanging out at the Nobu valet. How stupid of me. Meanwhile, I hope Scott is having a lot of fun with his teenage girlfriend, and I really hope that Sofia didn’t get written out of her dad’s will. But also, Lionel Richie, please hit me up if you’re looking for someone to give your money to.
Images: letthelordbewithyou / Instagram