Tying Up Loose Ends: Weekend Horoscopes September 25-27

Time flies when you’re quarantining as the result of a pandemic amirite?! I mean, gosh, we’re already to spooky season! Here’s to the Libras who are ready to live their best lives—whatever that means—for the next month. May your lattes be pumpkin spiced, your calf-length boots fit comfortably, and your sweaters be ready for the weather.


Get creative this weekend, Libra. With DIY sh*t, nesting, and partnership lighting up this weekend, combine all of ’em and tackle something fun, like shiplapping your bathroom while yelling at your husband or planting a spice garden and not disturbing a wasp nest. I’m sure it’ll be a super fun activity that won’t end in a fight.


Have the important convos you’ve been putting off, Scorpio. If something in your relationship has felt off, it’s best to address it this weekend. Solutions will come easy, so sitting in the car and saying nothing is wrong when your partner probes are likely to be not-as-likely as usual. It’s also a good weekend for chores, so rake your f*cking lawn if you feel like it.


Learning and money are on your agenda this weekend, Sagittarius. Combine the two and sign up for an online class in basket weaving or something super quarantine-related. Maybe there’s a class on communicating with your pet or microwave meals for one? Idk, could be money well spent.


It’s all about you this weekend, Capricorn. So if going to Trader Joe’s and stocking up and every f*cking pumpkin spice thing you find is what makes your day sparkle, go for it. Be careful about splurging though. The planets are predicting a weird shift in finances this weekend, so try to stick to your budget while throwing down with decorative gourd season.


Self-reflect, pay attention to dreams, and listen to your gut this weekend, Aquarius. It isn’t often that the universe tries to give you signs, but maybe, just maybe, Saturday and Sunday could be different. So, if you have that dream again about the dog chasing you through the shoe section at Neiman Marcus, maybe it’s time to look deeper. Is it a result of that dog biting you and eating your new shoes when you were six, or is there something more?


Examine your relationships, Pisces. Even if you’re single, or the most important relationship you have right now is the one with your cat, everything requires a little work. Take the time to figure out what you want and need, then address your mom/cat/partner’s wants, too. It may seem like a touchy, feely, boring exercise, but it could help prevent hardship later (like when your cat tries to smother you in your sleep).


Ugh, time to think about work, Aries. Saturday, the planets want you to take a long, hard look at your career (or lack thereof) and determine if it’s truly where you want to be. Update your resume, talk to friends and professionals you trust, and try to get a read on if this is where you want to be in five or ten years. After all that career soul searching, use Sunday to give back, either via volunteering or just taking a friend out for a drink if they’ve been having a rough week. Charity is charity.


Time to do some soul searching on the road, Taurus. If you can do so safely, plan a weekend to get out of your house, stay in a cabin/hotel/tent (weird flex but ok), and be with yourself. If you have a partner that doesn’t drive you up a f*cking wall, they can come, too. Either way, the universe is totally like “leave the house” and “breathe air you haven’t been breathing for six months”. Be responsible and wear a f*cking mask, tho. We’re still in a pandemic, ya dig?


Sexy sexy sex times are coming this weekend, Gemini. So it’s time to finally take the plunge, order that vibrator/spicy lube/set of fuzzy handcuffs and do some sh*t with your partner (or yourself) that you haven’t before. Sh*t, it’s probably the end of the world, so maybe it’s time to try that threesome? IDK, you do you. Literally.


Plan for a f*cking date night, Cancer. Even if it’s inside, with candles and a piping hot Papa John’s pizza, connecting with your partner is something to put on your to-do list this weekend. Quarantine and the general state of 2020 has been hard on everyone, and it’s a good time to remind those closest to you that there’s no one you’d rather be practically under house arrest with.


Drink to your health, Leo. Except don’t drink, and do be concerned about your health. You may have slacked a little lately in the taking-care-of-yourself department, which is excusable, because 2020. But this weekend presents a good chance to get back on the exercise bike or the treadmill, eat a f*cking salad, and get your sh*t together.


Get creative af, Virgo. Whether you use the weekend to tackle a work project that lets you flex your writing muscles or decide to paint your bathroom a weird color, the stars totally want you to do something artsy fartsy. Sunday will also present a chance to take a peek at your self-care routines, so if you’ve been meaning to try a jade roller or not where eight pounds of foundation on your face everyday, this is your shot.

Images: Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson