True Blood: No Supes For You!

Last night on True Blood, Eric betrayed the Authority, Bill betrayed Eric, and Sam beat the shit out of some hicks in the nude! The actor who plays Sam must feel extremely comfortable with his body because the amount of times I've seen his ass giggle while he runs after animals through the forest or does some mixed martial arts with bad guys has become a bit too much. So what did we learn during this episode? Pigs apparently eat people, Jessica doesn't take dumps, and Lilith seriously needs a shower.

Ok so Salami is like way evil. What's with TV and movies these days placing women as the head of all evil empires, like in (spoiler alert) Dark Knight, and even in the Obamas. Goes to show that women are brains of all operations especially ones that require one skill: manipulation.

true bloodDont touch my fuckin petch, you crazy homo.

We have come to the realization that this show is more jam-packed with allegories than Lafayette’s asshole is with brujo penis. TB needs to decide if vampires represent black people, gay people or the Jews. It’s like God hates them, so does the KKK but yet they still control the media… I AM SO CONFUSED.

5 minutes into the episode and they've called The Obamas 'The Obamas' about 5 times…Did the writers take this long into the season to come up with this brilliant name? Also a fat girl smacked Sookie with a shovel and then force fed her Oxy Ale. Awk. Why are fat bitches so angry all the time? The funniest part of this is that she seems more upset that her husband left her for someone related to Sam then being left for a shifter.

Also, we think that HBO is trying to push their anti-human agenda on us, and it is casually working. This show is seriously making me question my allegiances, as I sort of fill up with joy anytime an annoying redneck gets drained or like shot at by the police. Why doesn’t anyone in Bon Temps know how to pronounce Vampire? Vampurr would be a great name for a cat.

Alcide’s flash back was soooo Lion King. One day, all of this land will be yours. But then the repo men will take it away because we are poor drug addicts. When they showed him as a kid, was it just me or did he not look like the long lost Mexican member of One Direction? Did he gradually shape shift into a white guy as he got older? 

Fangtasia is going to all fucking hell during the revolution, and Pam is NOT pleased. To the new sheriff: we get it, you like feeding on humans in public but like, when are you going to sing Time of Your Life for us? Too old? What about Wake Me Up When September Ends? Destroying the factories where they make True Blood was a genius maneuver by my new faves at the Authority. I wonder if the True Blood of Japan tastes like Sapporo..

Quotes of the Night:

Put the baby fangs away before you piss me off” – Eric to the girl who sells hairclips.

Stop texting me or I will eat you.” Nice one, Tara.

There are two things i try to stay away from. Humans who eat a lot of fish, and politics. so lets keep our heads down, tits up and the true blood flowing.“ – Pam doesn’t keep up with the news.

And “I ain't Whoopi Goldberg in ghost”  – but like, yes you kind of are as we said in last week's recap.  He then proceeds to act exactly like Whoopi did in Ghost.

I ain't gmail for dead bitches.” Lafayette is spending a lot of time vocally defining himself on this episode. He is so self-centered.

Bud before getting shot: “Humans rule!” this isn't the supernatural creatures olympics, Bud, chill with that.

Jason on not understanding the hierarchy of the Klan: “OMG now there are are Dragons!?


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