Talking shit about people’s fashion choices is a bold move that is typically only politically correct during awards seasons and Bachelor rose ceremonies. But since the term “politically correct” has literally lost all meaning and we’re still petty betches who will call out an ugly effing skirt when we see one, it is mandatory that we discuss the latest piece of batshit ridiculous couture released by Topshop.
According to Topshop’s website, their latest “trending product” is this pair of jeans with a red strip down the seam declaring FAKE NEWS in all caps. The pants cost a whopping $90, which is a crime against humanity and more than I currently have in my bank account (help me, I’m poor).
Are we for real, Topshop? I’d say you’re better than this – you do make a killer bodysuit – but you also allegedly refused to let a trans person use your fitting rooms and you actively sell shit like this, so consider my faith in you officially gone, girl.
These jeans are a fashion statement that scream: “I share those Russian sponsored anti-Hillary Facebook memes and loudly argue about how I’m right for not vaccinating my future child.” They’re a straight leg cut with a frayed hem, because even when you’re openly admitting you get all of your information from Fox News and a lunatic who won’t read important memos if they don’t mention his name, it’s still important to stay ~trendy~.
I have no idea what sane human woman would voluntarily put these jeans on their body, yet according to the Topshop website they are “selling fast.” I can only hope an army of topless witchy feminists are planning on buying out the entire stock and starting a ritual bonfire in the Chappaqua woods to summon the spirit of the Almighty Pantsuit.
Or maybe the White House seamstresses are working overtime to deconstruct multiple pairs and stitch them together into a 3XL with an elastic waistband to fit the hips of America’s mushiest-bodied leader for his upcoming “Fake News Awards.” Can we revive Fashion Police just for that day? A hologram of the late queen Joan Rivers roasting the shit out of her former boss is all I ask to start this year off right. Okay, I am officially in on this theory.