April Fool’s is a real bitch. This year, the internet was set ablaze by a Medium article claiming that Mindy Kaling (who may or may not be dating Senator Cory Booker) had confirmed a three part The Office “Where Are They Now” reunion focusing on Michael Scott, Jim and Pam, and Dwight. While we all desperately wanted this to be true, it turns out that this was just a prank by someone who wanted to exploit our love of early 2000s workplace comedies. First we had to be sad about The Office ending in the first place, then we were breifly happy when the show went to Netlix, only to be sad all over again after we binge watched every episode within a week (9 seasons at 25 episodes each? Fucking bring it) and now some jerkoff is going to get our hopes up just to find out it was all a joke? Really? Damn you, medium.com. Damn you to hell.
Disappointment aside, thinking about The Office again reminded us of one of TV’s betchiest characters, Kelly Kapoor. Kelly took pettiness and attention grabbing to a whole new level. She’s like, the patron saint of delusional daters and a BSCB who taught us that no matter how insane and borderline abusive you are, there’s still always a chance you’ll end up with your man. So to honor Kelly and help to salve the burn from falling for an April Fool’s prank, here are some of our favorite moments/lessons/and quotes from the immortal Kelly Kapoor. If only we could have her back again.
1. That Time She Wore White To Phyllis’ Wedding
2. The Time She Taught Us How To React In Every Situation.
3. When She Showed Us How To Make An Entrance That Is Both Confident And Professional.
4. When She Taught Us The Important Distinction Between Talking Trash, And Talking Smack.
5. When She Showed Us The Only Acceptable Response To Running Into Your Ex.
6. When She Made Us All Feel Better About Our Obsessive Knowledge Of Texting Etiquette.
7. And Shared This Universal Truth:
8. She Taught Us How To Recognize Our Strengths…
…And Our Weaknesses.
9. There Was Also The Time She Perfectly Embodied What It’s Like To Be On A Juice Cleanse.
10. And Finally, When She Taught Us The Ultimate Comeback To Any Attempted Breakup.
In Kelly’s defense, Ryan was a total fuckboy. Would truly love to see what this couple is up to now. Honestly, if they haven’t gotten married and divorced at least three times with an adopted baby named Usher, then any potential reunion would not be worth it. In fact, is it too late to call for a Kelly Kapoor spinoff series? Maybe one where she moves to New York and narrates her life through her fictional sex and lifestyle column in The New York Star? I get that that’s the plot of Sex And The City, but I think it could work.
Whether we ever see Kelly again or not, we all owe her a debt of gratitude. You may not have taught us how to be a good person, but you did teach us how to get lots and lots of attention, and for that we are all forever grateful.