Every betch knows there’s nothing more dramatic and exciting than a #92 love triangle. What happens when two bros you’ve been trying to keep #53 shady from each other suddenly cross paths? Or some other betch is trying to get her hands on your #89 back burner bro? How do you show the world that NO ONE tampers with your playing pieces?
The love triangle is a major part of the #32 game and it’s definitely something betches love and hate and love to hate. The details of every love triangle are different but they all come down to the same things: competition and manipulation of multiple others. Let’s take a look at the top on screen love triangles from betchy TV shows and movies…because your love life is probably way too boring.
10. Josh Hartnett – Kate Beckinsale – Ben Affleck
Every betch in training remembers when they first fell in love with Ben Affleck or Josh Hartnett and it was definitely the day we saw them duke it out in military uniforms for the love of some rando nurse. However, the love affair off screen was short lived for both as if you were a Josh Hartnett fan you saw him fall off the face of the map faster than you can say Black Hawk Down. For those who were team Ben, he quickly went from hot military man to embodying some weird daddy figure in all his movies. It’s safe to say Ben Affleck’s sex symbol status plummeted faster than Gigli at the box office.
Although a short lived love triangle, we got a little break (pun intended) from the Ross and Rachel drama as Joey made moves on his bff’s baby momma. Maybe it wasn’t the greatest love story of all time but at least we got to see Ross sweat a little, even if it wasn’t in leather pants.
Ah the epic battle between the nice guy and the shady bro. In perhaps one of the most realistic aspects of Sex and The City, the nice guy who takes all Carrie’s BS gets screwed in the end. Aidan may have been able to build her a closet by hand but Big’s the only one who could pay for its Park Avenue location.
No love triangle list would be complete without a melodramatic Dawson’s creek love affair. There’s not a betch in her right mind who was rooting for the sad film loving nice guy Dawson over hot bad boy super screw up Pacey. Thus we obtain further evidence that nice boys who spend their days pondering life on creeks rarely get laid.
6. Julianne – Michael – Kimberly
My Best Friend’s wedding may be one of the greatest movies of all time because it shows just how far a betch will go to keep her back burner bro from screwing her over. Who doesn’t know the heartache of having some guy you’ve strung along for 5+ years suddenly deciding to move on because you’re an old, manipulative hag? We feel you Julia, there’s nothing worse than a perky 23-year-old nice girl thinking she can lay claim on your backup plan.
5. Damon – Elena – Stefan
Nothing says hard to get like having two hot twin vampire brothers chase you around for approximately 200 years. Not putting out was never so rewarding.
4. Edward – Bella – Jacob
Who knew someone as lame as K Stew could spark such an epic five movie long love triangle? Betches are divided on who to root for on this one but for me I can’t fathom how Bella chose a guy with such an awful tan.
3. Meredith – Derek – Addison
Though it’s almost a fact that no guy will ever choose the redhead in a love triangle, we enjoyed watching Meredith squirm through whatever season McDreamy kept her on her toes. Even though I stopped watching this show once they actually tried to make it a believable plot line that Katherine Heigl was in love with TR Knight, I’m pretty sure this drama filled ER romance came before that.
Because for some reason vampire love affairs take up 30% of this list, we need to throw Sookie, Eric, and Bill into the mix. While Eric is obviously taller and intrinsically meaner, Bill shows us that he’s actually a force to be dealt with when, like any true bro he proclaims himself a god and pretends he doesn’t care about the girl he likes. Personally after knowing Bill has a British accent in real life, he’s the obvious choice though both go a long way in proving that all you need to do is one nice thing to erase centuries of acting like a prick.
Who among us can say that whether Lucas decided to choose Brooke or Peyton wasn’t among the most important decisions of our childhood? Lucas has to decide between ultimate mean girl Queen Bee Brooke Davis or sensitive hipster Peyton Sawyer. People always leave? You bet they do when you draw weird drawings for them in hopes that they’ll love you. In the end P dog wins, proving to Brooke that clothes over bros only really applies when the bro in question isn’t a pseudo sensitive basketball player with a hard on for both you and you emo bestie.
Honorable Mention: Queen Mary – Bash – Francis
Check out the hottest new love triangle on the CW this fall, as Mary Queen of Scots has to decide between the future King of France and his (literal) bastard of a brother.
This post sponsored by The CW, Reign, premiering Thursday Oct 17 at 9/8c