Betches, Halloween weekend has arrived. And that means if you haven't spent the past 72 hours stressing over just how short is too short when it comes to the green piece of fabric you're calling a skirt so you can be a slutty leprechaun, or contemplating just how much of your nipple has to be covered in order to authentically channel your inner Eve, you probably aren't a betch. But while any idiot 8th grader with some colorful lingerie and face paint can pull off a slutty Disney princess or nurse, there are some betches out there who are creative enough to make even the most conservative outfits inappropriately scandalous. We're talking midriff bearing politicians and fat pop stars. With that we present to you the Betches Love This list of the most creative ways to turn uptight costumes skanky.
10. Donald Trump – The thinning hair provides a convenient way to show some extra skin.
9. Haymitch Abernathy – Costume requires flowing locks, Hunger Games memorabilia, bow and arrow, fuck off stare, scotch, consistently wasted look
8. Jo$eph Kony – Get a slutty camouflage costume and for a prop, point into thin air and say “these are my invisible children.”
7. Jesus – Props include a thorn tiara, robe, optional nails through the hands and feet, flask full of wine, a deep desert tan
6. Tim Tebow – Necessary props include a giant cross, boob tape, football, bible, helmet, athletic cup over vagina to protect from unwanted sexual encounters
5. Jeremy Lin – For the TAB in your group. Cropped Lin jersey, basketball, Harvard diploma, yoga shorts, sign that you want someone Linside You
4. Carrie Matheson and Saul Berenson – Couples costume. For her: crazy eyes, gun, green pen, crop top burka. For him: condescending scowl.
3. Hillary Clinton – The keys to this costume are to construct your own scrunchie bra and locket necklace with a faded photo of your one true love Amelia Earhart
2. Republican Playboys – For your GBFF and his boyfriend. Costume includes Romney/Ryan sign, tuxedo necklaces, P90x weights, and a bunch of screaming, un-aborted babies for Paul.
1. Steve Jobs – Crop top turtle neck and a sign that says “fuck you Bill Gates”