Time To Get Your Sh*t Together: Weekly Horoscopes July 7-10

Do you feel that? It’s the last week of Mercury retrograde, which means soon you’ll be able to get your sh*t together. It also means you’re going to have to take responsibility for your own actions and not just blame it on a random rock in the sky. Or just shift gears and blame it on the pandemic. Your choice.


It’s time to build your sanctuary, Aries! This WFH sh*t is going to be lasting for a while, and bars and restaurants are basically ancient history. Now is the time to make your space into the bar/restaurant/music festival/nap pod you’ve always dreamed of. And yes, that does mean dropping some dollars on a set of fancy-ass sheets.


Take time with your communications this week, Taurus. Mercury is still in retrograde and she is hitting you hard, so double-check those emails and texts before hitting send, and maybe refrain from talking sh*t on Slack for a while. Once Mercury is out of retrograde, you can resume DMing your work wife minute-to-minute breakdowns of how annoying Ashley from HR is with reckless abandon.


That thing you’ve been procrastinating? Now is the time, Gemini! Mercury retrograde is coming to a close, making it the perfect time to tie up loose ends and generally get your sh*t in order. That way you can hit the ground running and actually accomplish the things on your to-do list before she swings in reverse again and your ability to concentrate turns to mush.


Mercury was retrograde in your sign this past month, meaning you might have found yourself a little tongue tied. But not anymore! Now is a great time to clear up any misconceptions that may have arisen due to your Mercury brain. Just like, don’t actually cite Mercury retrograde in your apology. That never ends well. Trust me.


This week brings some much needed clarity for you, Leo, which is great because things have been a bit foggy lately. Take some time to sit down and answer life’s great questions, like “what is my true purpose?” and “why do I keep eating cheese even though I am clearly lactose intolerant?” (The answer: it’s delicious.)


Omg is that…can it be…a social life! Blessed be! This week you are finding new ways to resolve the lost art of chilling with the homies, whether it be a socially distant outdoor meetup or a new type of Zoom hangout that doesn’t suck. Let us know what you come up with for that last one, btw. The other signs are dying to know.


The distraction ends today, Libra! Your head has been in clouds but you are back down to earth and ready to get sh*t done. Laundry? Completed. Inbox? Zero. Weird pile of clothes in the back corner of your closet? Okay so that’s still there, but you’ll get to it soon!


When is honesty too honest? This is a dilemma that has plagued you your whole life, Scorpio, and this week is no exception. Be sure to check and double-check whether or not your comments are necessary this week, as you could veer from “truth” to “too far” without even realizing. Like, everyone knows Meghan has been wearing the same pants since March. No need to point it out.


Do you like him, or did he just test positive for the antibodies? This week you may find yourself feeling mixed up in the realm of love. Before making any commitments, be sure to check in with yourself and make sure it’s not just your COVID dry spell that’s doing the talking.


An old flame might come back into your life this week, Capricorn, but are you prepared for that? And more importantly, do you even want it? These are the questions you must ask yourself before you respond to your ex’s “just checking in” text. They’re never just checking in.


How are those self-care routines going, Aquarius? This week your wellness routines are going to take center stage, and you’ll be feeling motivated to check out some new YouTube workouts or even—gasp—go for a run. And they said it was impossible to get hotter in quar.


You’re keeping it low-key this week, which is good because as soon as Mercury is out of retrograde the spotlight will be shining right in your face. Enjoy this last week of leaving people on read because once the messenger planet flies into forward motion, your DMs will be out of control. *Sigh* It’s so hard being popular.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.