While being a mega-rich celebrity obviously has numerous perks, perhaps the best perk of all is having a team of people at your disposal to look fabulous from head to toe. A personal trainer, a chef, a nutritionist—all of these things make it pretty darn easy to look really hot at all times.
As a Pilates Instructor in NYC, a lot of my clients come to me with requests for a Beyoncé butt or Carrie Underwood’s arms. And that’s great—there will always be workouts to pump up your peach and tone your triceps. But it’s also not so great when you start to compare yourself to celebrities who have pretty much unlimited resources at their beck and call to get super fit. Not to mention, celebrities also have a lifestyle where they can schedule in insane two hour workouts and log 11 hours of sleep. Us? With our 9-5 jobs? And you know, responsibilities to attend to? Not so much.
If you’ve ever been frustrated while scrolling through Instagram wondering why, despite your best efforts, you don’t have the body of your favorite girl crush, let me break down all the crazy things that give celebs the upper hand.
Sleep—Lots Of It
If you’re trying to lose weight or improve your physical fitness, you should be logging at least eight hours of sleep, ideally even more if you’re trying to build muscle mass. Your body needs sleep to rejuvenate and rebuild the muscles you break down when you strength train. Not to mention, if you’re not getting quality sleep, you’re going to be too tired to even get through your workouts.
Now, we all know saying you’re going to bed at 10pm versus accidentally eating shredded cheese standing in front of your refrigerator at 11pm is a very different thing.
My doctor: When is the last time you had a good night’s sleep?
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) April 10, 2019
If you’re the typical young professional, getting eight hours of sleep on top of work, personal responsibilities, relationships, and getting in a workout Monday through Friday is already a daunting task. Plus, we all deserve time to unwind and veg out watching trashy reality TV (or whatever your more sophisticated hobby is). Most of us probably fall into the category of getting closer to six to seven hours of sleep a night.
Celebrities? Not so much. Mariah Carey once reported that she likes to sleep 15 hours before performing to give her body rest (do you think I can tell my boss the same thing?) and Jennifer Lopez has also claimed she needs a solid eight hours to get her beauty rest.
Super Intense, Long-Ass Workouts
Maybe if you’re a low-key fitness class groupie (hi, yes, occasionally I am this person) you’ve taken two back-to-back group fitness classes or mustered up the energy to go for a two hour long run. But on an average day, sometimes it’s challenging to fit just 45 minutes of exercise.
Celebs like Bella Hadid have been known to hit the gym for two plus hours. Two. plus. Hours. I’m exhausted just writing that.
And let’s not forget about Mark Wahlberg, who has bragged on his Insta story about waking up at 2:30am to squeeze in two workouts per day and have plenty of family time. OK. same.
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When looking good is your full-time job, I guess scheduling more than an hour of sweat time is just another meeting in your Google Calendar?
Sometimes the hardest part about working out is just figuring out WHAT to work out. I’m guilty of getting to the gym, looking timidly at the free weights, and deciding that maybe today should just be a cardio day. But that’s where a personal trainer can come in handy. Not only does sweating under the watchful eye of a trainer make you more likely to push through some difficult spots (aka your entire workout), they’re also there to guide you and make sure you’re working out effectively.
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Feeling like superwoman after the show tonight! When I started this run I thought omg 15 shows in 27 days that’s a lot… but I made a promise to myself that instead of letting it wear me down I would be even stronger at the end of it…I will work out and be in the best shape of my life… There were moments I was tired and there was travel and I had to fit in my workouts where I could… but here we are with only 3 shows left!! And I am having so many emotions but mostly just feeling strong, happy and grateful!!! #allihavefinal15 #3showstogo #we’renotdoneyet #letsgoooo #makepromisestoyourselfandkeepthem @phvegas
Unfortunately, most personal training comes at a hefty cost. If you live in a major city, you can expect to pay at least $100 for an hour long training session. And the more experience your trainer has, the more likely those prices shoot way up.
When you’re a celeb making seven figures, you probably won’t think twice about shelling out over $1,000/month for lots of one-on-one time with a personal trainer. But when you’re just an aspiring Carrie Bradshaw trying to not blow your rent money on new shoes, you probably aren’t going to want to drop a ton of cash getting one on one attention on top of an already pricy gym membership.
Weird AF Diet Habits
In case you don’t have an Instagram (are you OK?) or maybe don’t follow a slew of influencers and celebs, you should know that the eating habits of celebrities is fascinating. When they’re not hawking “fitness tea” and appetite suppressant lollipops, a good majority of them still have pretty damn weird diets.
In a food diary for E! News, Kourtney Kardashian admitted she starts her day out with collagen supplements on an empty stomach, followed by shots of apple cider vinegar. Gross. For one, collagen is kinda, sorta a major scam and two, most of the collagen you’re buying is likely made from fish scales, animal hides, or bones. I really just threw up. (Full disclaimer: I am ~vegan~ but like, I can’t imagine that this is appealing to anyone…?) Kourt also seems to follow a dairy-free diet with lots of greens, which seems health and normal, but then you have recipes on her new site Poosh for Kris’ “famous” brownies. There is a note Kourt adapts it for dairy free ingredients, but kinda seems a little, maybe, uh, contradictory?
Crash diets are also not unheard of in Hollywood. Beyonce made waves when she was filming “Dream Girls” for losing 20 pounds following the infamous “master cleanse.” The master cleanse consists of only drinking a “lemonade” made with lemons (duh), cayenne pepper, and maple syrup. Wow. Seems appetizing.
Just kidding, I would rather eat solid food and feel happy than ever stick to a liquid diet. And I’m pretty confident that any normal human who attempts any sort of juice cleanse would be hangry in about two hours. You need legitimate fuel to just exist on your couch and watch Netflix—and even more if you’re active.
But at least there are celebs in the world like Chrissy Teigen who blatantly talks about her love for garlic and literally let her husband eat fried chicken off of her bum. I love a good hero.
I’d say 90% of my recipes have 8/10 cloves or more. Makes for a pungent blueberry pancake but i refuse to do any less. https://t.co/nuAQre1inh
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 5, 2019
The bottom line is, we can’t measure ourselves up against celebrities. The whole reason celebrities look better than us normal people is precisely because celebrities are not normal people. They have so much more money and time to dedicate strictly to their appearance. And that’s not even touching the plastic surgery. So be nice to yourself, k?
Images: markwahlberg, krisjenner / Instagram; betchesluvthis, chrissyteigen / Twitter