If there’s one thing a betch is great at, it’s excuses. Creating the perfect escape plan for any situation on the fly is second nature. That is especially true when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle. Like, who among us hasn’t said “yeah, I took six tequila shots and did a line of coke last night, but I ate egg whites and avocado for breakfast, so it’s fine”? This week on our Diet Starts Tomorrow podcast, we sat down with trainer, Power Lifter, and owner of Syatt Fitness, Jordan Syatt, to get real about reasons we’re not living a healthy life. Here are the classic six excuses we use, and why they’re ultimately crap:
1. “I Do High-Intensity Workouts Less Often”
If you’ve had a near-death experience at Orange Theory, you’re likely aware the HIIT, or high-intensity interval workouts, are all the rage right now. Most of their marketing is that you can work out for like, 20 minutes and then continue to burn calories 48 hours after. While Syatt says this is true, it’s not necessarily better: “being consistent for a long time is always going to be better than being intense for a short period of time.” So yeah, you may have gone to Barry’s Bootcamp once, but if you don’t go consistently, you might be better off just walking on the treadmill five times a week.
2. “I’m Too Insecure To Go To The Gym”
Aren’t we all? Like seriously. As the title of this episode goes, “the gym is a room full of insecure people.” No one is there judging you, cause likely they’re in the same boat. This is the number one concern that Syatt gets posed with, which literally means everyone’s thinking the same thing. Syatt explains: “for me, would I look back at my life when I’m 90 years old and I’m like sitting at home with a diaper on and sh*t in my pants, am I going to look back and be like ‘wow I’m really glad I didn’t go to the gym because Joe Fuckstick might’ve judged me’, right?” Right. So get over yourself and go be with a bunch of other insecure people dropping their weights and falling off the treadmill.
3. “I’m Not Doing It Right”
Not having a trainer to whip you into shape guide you is not an excuse. You have like, Google. You can search for any moves online and there is likely a tutorial for them. Syatt suggests setting up your phone and filming yourself do a certain move, then comparing your form to someone online. Then if you look really hot, post it on your Instagram—just kidding, don’t be that girl.
4. “I Haven’t Eaten Healthy or Worked Out In So Long, What’s The Point Now?”
Syatt’s response, “A lot of the times, people use guilt as a means to validate not doing something.” Okay true, why don’t you just @ me next time. But seriously, drowning yourself in pity and pizza doesn’t get you anywhere. Syatt says the very first thing his clients hear from him is that “you can’t f*ck up.” By saying this, it takes away the chance for you to feel guilty for not going to the gym or eating an entire cake by yourself. You’re an adult (ish) and have the ability to make your own choices. Don’t focus on what you didn’t do. “If you want to be lazy, be the laziest f*ck you could possibly be and enjoy that time,” Syatt explains. “But when it’s time to work out, go crush your workout.”
5. “I Just Have A Slow Metabolism”
Okay, for starters, do you even know what a metabolism is? Probably not. There are very few people who have a metabolic disorder, and in the words of Syatt, “You don’t have a metabolism problem; you have an eating a f*ck ton of food problem.” I’m being targeted. But basically what Syatt is getting at is that metabolism depends on how much you move in a day and how much muscle you have. If you lie in bed watching Netflix all day, yeah, you’re probably not losing any weight. You don’t have a sh*tty metabolism, though—you’re sh*tty at moving. Even just walking can help your metabolism function as it properly should.
6. “I Only Lose Weight Doing Detoxes”
There is nothing worse than preachy teatox campaigns that make you sh*t your brains out. And what f*cking toxins? Syatt explains that your body is literally built to remove toxins. What do you think your entire digestive system is for anyway? You don’t need someone’s unregulated mystery bag of tea flushing out your insides. You can do that all on your own with your liver and kidneys. Detoxes can also be super restrictive, which can have dangerous consequences and promote bad eating habits (like starving yourself all day then eating three bags of Chex Mix under your covers crying—totally random example). And do you really want to live your life not eating? You’re missing out on like, all the fun.
So, it’s unfortunate, but your excuses have run out. It’s time to haul your ass out of bed and stop throwing a pity party for yourself about all the reasons you can’t. You can do this, and even if you don’t believe in yourself, Syatt has enough confidence for us all to share.
Listen to the rest of our interview with Jordan Syatt on our Diet Starts Tomorrow podcast.
Images: Giphy (6); Unsplash/Juan Pablo Rodriguez