Surprise, surprise! On Friday, Felicity Huffman was released from jail after serving 11 days of her 14-day sentence. In case you live under a rock, the former Desperate Housewife was put behind bars for paying $15,000 in the college admissions scam for her daughter to cheat on the SATs and boost her test scores. Yeah, the SATs are hard AF, but obviously this isn’t okay. It’s good that she got punished for what she did, but do 11 days in jail even really count, though?
To celebrate Felicity’s freedom after her truly grueling sentence, we decided to take a look back at some of the shortest celebrity jail stints of all time. It’s no big secret that the criminal justice system in our country is f*cked up, so yeah, these celebs probably got some special treatment. It sucks, but are you surprised?
Nicole Richie: 82 Minutes
Nicole Richie wins for shortest time in jail, like, ever. In 2007, she served 82 minutes in jail while five months pregnant, and was released due to overcrowding. I feel like it’s really irresponsible and stressful to be put in jail while you’re pregnant, especially if it’s that crowded and people can accidentally squish your pregnant belly? Idk, I don’t really know what jail is like. It is important to note that she wasn’t pregnant yet when she got arrested for a DUI, which would have been like, double irresponsible. Still not a great look tho, Nicole.
Lindsay Lohan: 84 Minutes
I’ve loved Lindsay Lohan since her Dad’s 26-year-old fiancé wanted to ship her off to Switzerland (oh wait, that wasn’t real?), and no matter how messy she’s turned out to be, I’ll always be by her side. Everyone remembers LiLo’s downfall after being one of the biggest movie stars of the early 2000s, and this jail sentence was at the peak of it all. She was arrested for—you guessed it!—drunk driving and possession of drugs, and was released early because of—you guessed it!—overcrowding. I feel like the mani pedi LiLo got for her court appearance probably took more time than she spent in jail. Hopefully she took the whole 84 minutes to think about her actions and turn her life around, but considering some of her more recent erratic behavior.
Khloé Kardashian: 3 hours
Before the age of selfies, before iPhones existed, before Instagram and Snapchat were a thing, Kim Kardashian did something that would turn out to be one of her most iconic moments. I will never forget the legendary moment when Kim wouldn’t stop taking pictures of herself while her sister, Khloé, was going to jail. Ultimately, Khloé was in jail for only three hours for violating probation from a DUI arrest, and people only remember it because of Kim’s self-obsessed selfie taking in the car on the way there. Kris Jenner saying “Kim, would you stop taking pictures? Your sister’s going to jail” honestly needs to be written on my grave. Of course, Khloé going to jail for three hours has turned into an entire paragraph about Kim. Ugh, Kim is such a selfish attention whore, and I absolutely love her for it.
Shia LaBeouf: 1 Day
Shia LaBeouf seems kinda random now, but he was in Holes, which was one of my literal favorite books/movies growing up. Although thinking about it now, I’m starting to realize that a plot about a boy being wrongfully sent to a brutal camp where the camp warden forces him to mysteriously dig holes is kind of abusive and f*cked up. Anyway, Shia went to jail for a single day for being really drunk in a hotel lobby. Apparently, he asked a bystander for a cigarette and when the person refused, Shia started swearing and yelling loudly in public. When the police told him to leave, he became aggressive toward the officer and ran to a nearby hotel where he was arrested. Don’t you kind of feel like one day in jail is a solid punishment for being an asshole?
Paul McCartney: 9 Days
Paul McCartney is massively famous for being a member of The Beatles, but there was one time in 1980 when he was also a massive dumbass. That year, he went to jail for nine days for being caught in Tokyo with half a pound of marijuana—at the airport. Paul, why the f*ck were you bringing marijuana to the airport? Well, obviously he didn’t care that much about going behind bars, because when he was released, he used his mugshot photo as a cover for his album. Thanks, jail!
Obviously, going to jail or prison is nothing to take lightly, but luckily for these celebs, their fame pretty much negated any actual effect it could’ve had on their careers. We’re still waiting to see what Lori Loughlin’s sentence will be for the college admissions scandal, but I have a feeling her treatment won’t be much different from any of these people.
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