The NFL Is Screwing Tom Brady. Jealous.

In a weird turn of events, the NFL is going out of its way to ruin the reputation of one of the most beloved (and attractive) players in the game: Tom Brady. And unfortunately for everyone in the world, we have to go four games in the NFL season without seeing Brady in tight football pants.

You may remember a few months ago when Brady and the Patriots were suddenly in deep shit for deflating footballs during the 2014 season. Why does this even matter? Deflating the balls makes it easier for the quarterback (Brady) to grip, and then throw. Aka, the Patriots were accused of getting dirty with the balls.

Brady was initially sentenced to a four-game suspension as a result. But everyone from the sportscaster on ESPN to your redneck grandfather thought that suspension would be lifted, or at least reduced, following an appeal.

And now everyone is freaking the fuck out AGAIN because the decision on the appeal came back, and Brady is still suspended for four games.

The NFL says that Brady ruined the integrity of the game. But what about Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, who was charged with beating his son and is not suspended in 2015? Or Cowboys defensive end Greg Hardy, who threatened to choke his girlfriend and murder her after pointing a gun at her, and is only suspended four games–the same amount as Brady?

The NFL has no tangible proof that Brady knew about the cheating. They have “alleged” text messages, which happen to be on Brady's conveniently-destroyed cell phone, but nothing further.

As any blackout betch knows, destroying a phone after a few Moscow Mules is too easy to do. And honestly, I'm sure Tommy didn't want the world seeing his nudes with Gisele stored on his iPhone. It would literally #BreakTheInternet. Not turning over the cellphone to the NFL is understandable, obvi.

It's likely that Brady knew something about the deflated footballs. But that he's serving a greater sentence than guys who have multiple DUIs and aggravated assault charges is bullshit.

The betches stand behind Tom Brady. #FreeBrady.


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