The New Refinery29 Money Diaries Is The Most Delusional Yet

Call me a masochist, but sometimes I just love reading something that I know is going to make my blood pressure spike to levels my doctor would consider massively unhealthy. #JustFunGirlyThings. One of my favorite hate-reads is Refinery29’s ongoing segment entitled “Money Diaries.” It’s really great if you want to feel better about the fact that you spent $100 yesterday and cannot recall one thing you bought, or if you want to alleviate your guilt that your parents still pay your phone bill. Yes, Money Diaries is where the privileged and financially irresponsible (often both in one) really shine. This week, Money Diaries has reached a new height in delusion. It comes courtesy of an unnamed 21-year-old writer, who makes $25/hour at her internship and receives a $1,000 per month allowance from her parents.

*Record scratch*

Yes, you read that correctly. This girl gets an allowance from her parents that is equivalent to many people’s monthly income. You know, the one they work for? From their jobs?? But that’s not even the worst of it. Grab a spit, because I’m about to roast this girl.

Occupation: Marketing Intern
Industry: HR
Age: 21
Location: New York City, NY
Income: $25/hr

Okay, nothing really to make fun of here, except myself for taking unpaid internships year after year. Here’s where it gets interesting:

Paycheck Amount (Weekly): $747.50, plus $100-120 every one to two weeks from babysitting.
Additional Income: On top of my intern salary, my parents give me a $800/month allowance, and my grandpa also wires me $300 every month (#blessed).

Okay, so let me get this straight. Her parents are giving her an allowance of MORE than her paycheck? And she gets $300 from her grandpa every month?? At this point I wonder what she even needs the extra $300 for. Toilet paper, maybe?

Thinking

Monthly Expenses
Rent: I live in a one bedroom/one den apartment. The total rent is $4,050. My share is $2,100 (my parents pay) and my roommate’s share is $1,950. (She lives in the den.)
Student Loan Payment: $0 (I’m still in school, and my parents pay for my education.)
Health Insurance: $0 (I’m on my parents’ plan.)
MoviePass: $9.95
Sugared + Bronzed Pass: $40.76 (I get one Brazilian sugaring a month.)
Equinox Membership: $210
Phone Bill: $0 (I’m on my parents’ plan.)
Netflix, Spotify, Amazon: $0 (I use my parents’ accounts.)

Okay so basically this girl is getting NEARLY THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS PER MONTH from her parents. I think that’s actually more than my take-home paycheck. And that’s in addition to college tuition. BRB, going to invent a time machine and Back to the Future my life, because I was born into the wrong family. At this point, they should have changed the article to “How I Live In NY When My Parents Bankroll My Entire Lifestyle”. I would read the sh*t out of that article, BTW, but let’s call it what it is.

Now I just want to take a moment to highlight some of her choice purchases, because we’d be here for the next decade if I went item by item.

Day One, 8:57 a.m. — Being that everyone had the day off yesterday, I think I’ll be okay getting in a couple of minutes late to work. I stop by Whole Foods to pick up a bottle of cold brew to keep at the office. It’s the easiest way for me to not spend too much on coffee. $6.99

None of this would be remarkable, except for the fact that this girl is an intern. When I was an intern, I was afraid to even go to the bathroom because I didn’t want to look bad, and this girl is like “meh, everyone’s hungover and so am I, it’s fine if I show up late”?? I barely just started doing that at my job that I’ve worked at for two years. This is just the beginning of this girl’s (I hate to use this word) entitlement. Half the Money Diaries entry is about how bored she is at her internship. I think this is why a lot of the comments section on Refinery29 is skewering this girl—not necessarily because her parents pay for everything, but because she has no work ethic and regards her internship (which literally pays better than my first job out of college) like we all treated our 8am freshman lecture. It’s not enough to just show up and sit there!!

Day One, 7:33 p.m. — I prepare dinner with random findings in my fridge. During the school year, I cook every meal in my apartment. It feels so nice to cook for myself. I whip up whole wheat pasta with vodka sauce, roasted carrots and tomatoes, and a veggie burger. So random, and yet so yummy.

What about this is random? Sounds like a more well-rounded dinner than most of my meals. I think I found who wrote this article:

Random

Day Three, 1:06 a.m. — Time to go home. The music gets shut down, even though the guys who are throwing it have a permit. I open Uber and see that an XL costs $76, so I freak out. Maybe I’ll wait and see if someone else can stomach calling it?

Day Three, 1:11 a.m. — My friends are too drunk and won’t leave, so I call it. I check Lyft, and a big car is only $33. Two girls in my car play dumb and don’t pay me. $12

I mean, look, we’ve all been there—hoping an Uber will go down in price or someone else will pony up and call it. I just think it’s funny how this girl attempts to play dumb so she doesn’t have to call the Uber, and then gets salty a full five minutes later when two other people do the same exact thing. Also, I tried to work out that math, where you’re in a car with at least two other people, it originally costs $33, and two people don’t pay you and still you only pay $12? Was this girl trying to make money off her friends by calling the Uber? Somebody who’s more math-oriented than me, please let me know the x + y equation to figure this out.

Day Four, 12:22 p.m. — Whole group gets hungry, so we go to a local health restaurant for some food. I get a goat cheese and avocado wrap. $23

$23 FOR ONE GOAT CHEESE AND AVOCADO WRAP?? Literally HOW?? I think an entire goat costs less than that. I actually want to know the name of this restaurant so I can avoid it until I win the lottery.

Day Seven, 10:58 a.m. — I seriously contemplate going around my office asking for work. I’m beyond bored.

Girl, YES!! That is literally what you are supposed to do as an intern if you want a good recommendation so you can get a good job—nvm, she doesn’t need one of those. I just aged 40 years reading this.

Youths

Day Seven, 7:45 p.m. — The waiter tells us it’ll be a five-minute wait. Those five minutes pass, and then another 20 minutes pass, and suddenly we’ve been waiting for 45 minutes. In that time, a guy I used to sleep with shows up at the same restaurant with his squad of guy friends. The whole restaurant is mayhem. I just want some fooooood.

Day Seven, 8:42 p.m. — We finally sit down at a lovely table outside. Z. and I order two small pizzas and a grilled calamari appetizer to share. I tell her that there’s no chance we leave without getting some free stuff. I suggest to the waiter that he brings us some wine on the house, and he does. He also brings us a panna cotta dessert with our check. $36.62

I can literally picture this scene playing out in my head, and I am cringing so hard. Look, I TOTALLY get being pissed off that you’re being told the wait is five minutes and then you end up waiting nine times that. I would be hangry. I might mentally stab an innocent hostess with a butter knife. But I can’t imagine ever being the type of person to strong-arm a waiter into giving me free drinks. I feel like if you have to ask to be given something for free, it kind of defeats the whole purpose of them giving it to you to make up for the inconvenience of waiting. *Whispers into the void* entitlement.

I get that Money Diaries aims to be diverse (except that most of the entries I read are almost exactly like this), but aside from the hate-clicks, I don’t understand the value in giving someone who clearly has no money problems or responsibilities at all a platform to talk about how they manage their (parents’) money. What is anyone supposed to learn from this, other than the precise spending habits of those receiving the bulk of Trump’s tax breaks? What about an article on how real millennials who don’t have a blank check from their parents actually budget, and money-saving tricks? That, I would like to see. All that is to say, leave me your budgeting tips in the comments. I need help.

Images: Giphy (3)