A betch doesn’t see the same movie twice, unless there is an exceptionally large amount of scenes containing a shirtless Ryan Gosling. So it really pisses us off when we go to see a new movie and it’s actually just the same movie as the one we saw a week ago with a slightly different cast. So to save you the trouble, we’ve listed twin films here with a definitive ranking on which is better.
Taken vs. Stolen
Taken was a 2008 blockbuster with Liam Neeson in his natural habitat. It had an exciting plotline and French boys. Stolen was the 2012 knock-off with the exact same plot, except it was a criminal dad instead of a spy dad, and he was played by Nicolas Cage. Nicolas Fucking Cage. If you’d like to watch both, don’t. Just watch Taken.
Hunger Games vs. Divergent
Hunger Games centers around a strong female lead (Jennifer Lawrence) from a poor district. Divergent centers around a strong female lead (Shailene Woodley) from a poor faction. Both, against all odds, successfully fight injustice. Shailene even asked JLaw if she should take the role. But choosing which one’s better is a little harder because Nicolas Cage isn’t in either one of them. But I’m going to have to say it’s the one that came out first. It has more complex characters, better marketing, and Liam Hemsworth.
Olympus Has Fallen vs. White House Down
Both were awful movies. If you have to choose, choose White House Down because Channing Tatum.
Limitless vs. Lucy
Both were not that great. They centered around this idea that the human brain uses only 10% or so of its full capacity, and that, through certain new drugs, you can enhance it to become superhuman. I’d put Limitless above Lucy because it contained at least some sense of realism, as in Scarlett Johansson didn’t turn into a black blob god thing that controls everything. And also Bradley Cooper.
Friends with Benefits vs. No Strings Attached
These two are actually the same movie. Like literally, there is no difference except the fact that in one you can look at Justin and in the other you can look at Ashton. Even Mila and Natalie are like BFFs. But if you absolutely had to choose one, go with No Strings Attached because there is a period mix and we should raise awareness about bros who make period mixes.