The Good Kind Of Mercury: Weekly Horoscopes May 6-10

Mercury gets a bad rep because of its tendency to go retrograde and ruin our lives, but Mercury can do good things for your life, too! For example, Mercury is chilling in Taurus this week, meaning it’s going to bring some calm, grounded energy to your previously hectic Aries life. Take advantage of it, and don’t forget to say thank you. Maybe Mercury will go less hard on you next time it’s retrograde. Here’s what Mercury and the stars have in store for you this week—good luck, and don’t f*ck it up.


Good news for your attention span (or lack thereof), Aries! Mercury in Taurus is giving you the extra push you need to actually get sh*t done this week. You know that one thing you’ve been putting on your to-do list but never to-do-ing since New Years? This week is the time to actually make that happen. Then go on to procrastinating the next thing.


You can’t help it you’re so popular, Taurus. You are all set up to be the (taco) belle of every ball this week, so getting 1-100 social events on the calendar right now is probably a good idea. If you play your cards right, you could come out of this week with multiple bomb dating app photo options. Just sayin’.


You’re just like, so zen right now. Bust out the candles, bath bombs, mud masks, and crystals, because this week is all about getting centered. If you haven’t already downloaded a meditation app, this is the week to get on it. Also, booking a few yoga classes never hurt anyone (even if you only make it to half of them). If you find yourself on Sunday reeking of palo santo and talking about “the Universe”, you’ve done it right.


It’s time to shake sh*t up, Cancer! Mercury in Taurus has you looking for quirky, spontaneous activities. Basically, it’s turning you into a manic pixie dream girl for the week. When you’re planning your week, just think WWLAZDD—what would literally any Zooey Deschanel character do? Then you’ll have your answer.


Missing out on happy hour may cause you serious FOMO, Leo, but save some time this week to get your career in order. Mercury in Taurus has put you in a unique position to move up in your career trajectory and put you on the path to become the boss bitch of your dreams, but you can’t do that hungover. Sorry.


You’ve got some serious wanderlust this week, Virgo. That spring energy is hitting you hard. Put your expert Googling skills to good use and check out some cheap flights you can take ASAP. It doesn’t have to be some elaborate Ibiza getaway (though def do that if you can). Just a weekend somewhere that’s not the same damn place you’ve been every day for all of winter will suffice.


Get ready to go stealth this week, Libra. Your Mercury in Taurus means that you’re essentially a detective this week, digging up clues and solving problems. You can use these powers for good (finally looking through your debit charges and cancelling all those recurring charges you don’t actually need) or for evil (stalking your ex’s new person’s Insta and laying out a three-year plan to seduce their twin. You decide which.


Things are looking good in your love life this week, Scorpio! For those in a long-term relationship, expect some deep, rewarding conversations that help you take the relationship to the next level. For those not in a relationship, keep an eye out for someone to present themselves that *could* be the one. And yes, that does include on the apps.


Fire up the ol’ ZocDoc and get some f*cking appointments scheduled, Sagittarius. Mercury has you in a detail-oriented mood this week, so take advantage of it by getting your life in order. Hell, why not start a bullet journal? Sure, you might abandon it by Memorial Day, but at least you’ll have finally gotten your teeth cleaned.


Mercury has you feeling flirty, which is perfect for the spring vibes. This is the perfect week to set up some dates, either with your current S.O. or with someone who *could* be your current S.O. if they got their sh*t together. Don’t let this glow go to waste!


You’re finally allowed to relax, Aquarius. Mercury in Taurus has you in a settling down mood, which is perfect because if you spent one more weekend going hard every night you might literally die. Like, literally. People die that way. Keep things chill this week. The only thing you should be “going hard” on is self-care. You can resume the partying next weekend.


Mercury has you feeling curious and adventurous this week, so make sure to deviate from your usual routine. Suggest a new bar for happy hour, or just hit up a different lunch spot. Sure, going to the Chop’t on 6th instead of the Sweetgreen on Madison doesn’t make you Amelia Earhart, but branching out has to start somewhere.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.