The Giver: Betches Love This Movie

The Giver was one of the few books I remember reading in grade school. I suppose that could be partially due to the fact that it was before I found out about Sparknotes. The story is set in a futuristic community in which there are no colors (literal 50 shades of gray), no emotions (kind of like they’re all on xanax), and no choices (kind of like how I think North Korea is). The chief elders of the communities choose which jobs each citizen will do and run the entire community so that there are no conflicts.

The story follows a young boy, Jonas, who in the book is supposed to be eleven but for the movie obviously they chose a hottie who is 25 pretending to be around 16. Jonas is chosen to be the next Receiver for the community. The Receiver is the one person in the community who holds all the secrets and memories of what the world used to be like. The current Receiver is this really old dude played by Jeff Bridges who basically has really creepy sessions with him in which they hold and hug each other and he transmits the memories he holds into Jonas. The memories are these cheesy montages that look like how Apple and GoPro would make an ad for Earth.

Jonas is kinda pissed he can’t experience things like sledding and music but is like eh whatever life here is fine I guess. But then he has a hook up dream about this girl he has a crush on and he’s like WHOA shits fucked in this community I gotta go Nelson Mandela on this world and make a change.

There is also a guest appearance by a mousy brown haired Taylor Swift in this movie. Of course the only scene she is in she’s literally sitting at a piano. Like can she BE anywhere else? Anyway, she was chosen to be a Receiver once in the past but obvi couldn’t handle it cause she still acts like a 7 year old, so she ran away.

Okay so back to Jonas and saving the personalityless people of his little world. Jeff Bridges gives him a stack of books and in one of the stacks a map of the world just happens to slide out. I mean…WHAT ARE THE CHANCES? On the map he sees the “border of memory” and realizes that in order to release all the memories to the citizens he just has to cross the border.

When he runs away one night in hopes of crossing the border his mom totally tattles on him. His mom is played by Katie Holmes who not so shockingly makes the same pain stricken with constipation face the entire movie that she made as Joey in Dawson’s Creek. Like we’re happy for you that you are finally free from your child abductor Tom Cruise but as per usual your performance was sub par.

I won’t spoil the end for those of you who don’t remember what happens since we read it in 5th grade and I do recommend seeing it. The movie is a little cheesy at times but it totally made me appreciate life after. We’re so lucky we get to live in a world with music, and color, and sunshine, and rain and although we have like wars and stuff I would never trade it for a world without choices. Like hello, not trying to be like the Chinese.


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