Season 2, Episode 13: The Maloof Hoof Fashion Show turns out way less interesting than the Armstrong Marriage Sideshow
Wow last night was really fucking boring. What's with shows sucking so much recently? There was way too much talk about the Camille/Taylor fight but no actual showdown. Talk is cheap. Also, stop referencing the 'tea party' like you're fucking 5 years old. Like, go to less parties.
Lisa won again, it's like, almost getting old.
The only thing bewildering was obviously the airing of Taylor and Russell's therapy session, which as #24 insensitive betches, we were not as affected as we could have been. Also like, wtf is a “doctor of osteopathy.” We asked our med school friend and she said 'osteopathic doctors = doctors who didn't get into med school'. So there you have it. If you can buy a horse, you can shell out bills for a real fucking MD. There's also nothing that screams emotional stability like a therapy session that's aired to the entire country for money.
So like, this episode was actually too boring for us to come up with a legit quote of the night, maybe because Kim wasn't involved. Ugh where was Kim? Maybs hangin with Bowser on the Mario Tennis court?
“Talk shit to my face and see what happens.” 8 points
-1: Kudos for your invitation being a step up from last week, though it still looked like you ordered it off of barbie.com. +1: Asking “don't you think this could be a little over the top?” in reference to the wedding drinks is like asking if Adrienne and Taylor have had plastic surgery. It reminded us of the bridal shower in Bridesmaids, somebody get the huge heart-shaped cookie. +1: Regarding the casual cauldron being whipped up in your kitch right now Lis, what kind of pharmacy do you go to where everything is “smoking and steaming”? Sounds like you could score some
NZT crack. +3: For Pandora's: “sorry mom, but your friends talk too much shit for even me and I'm like, young.” -1: Pandy, if you don't have a showdown at your wedding, how the fuck do you think it's going to get paid for. +3: For the imitation of Taylor eating the cotton candy, you deserve a talk show. +1: For naming the Maloof Hoof, it's so betchy that you're already perpetuating an obnoxious nickname for Adri's shoes. +1: “I'm sorry I didn't ask you to host Pandora's bachelorette party, but its not my fault I'm so popular and have so many wealthy friends.”
“I comment on inter-friendship feuds like it's my job…oh wait it is my job.” 6 points
+2: In the limo: “Tonight's fashion show is for her shoe line, right?” ….Wait, what's her last name again? +1: For the awkward instigation of bringing Camille up in the limo. Thank you for trying to make this boring
episode limo ride interesting. +3: For not needing BJ lessons, how do you think she landed Mauricio?
“With enough hard work and dedication, you too can live your dream of creating the Adrienne Maloof center for Betches Who Can't Do Business Good and wanna learn how to do other good stuff too.” 1 point
-1: Your “team” is quite the motley crue, why does this meeting feel like chapter at the multicultural frat. +1: Oh let me just add a diamond to my shoe “because what woman doesn't love diamonds?” – maybe attach a frat banker to your winter line and we'll get interested. +3: “This shoe I love because it has a heel…and is beige”….”I love this shoe because it looks like every other standard fucking shoe in Bloomingdales.” +1: “My organization Step Up, which helps young women that aspire to go into business…or find their way to the pole…in nice shoes…made by me.” -2: “I didn't want the shoes to be the center of attention when the charity was for Step Up” – This is like saying “I really wanted the outfits for the AIDS awareness fashion show to be shitty because I didn't want to take attention away from AIDS.” -1: God forbid someone should be distracted from socialites trying to create their own handbag lines – the real problem facing the nation.
“I'm just here to speed up Taylor's anxiety-ridden purge fest.” 1 point
“We were having a party in the bathroom” We were blowing lines, missed you Kim!! -1: Very mature for not brawling at the fashion show, also very bad television. We bet Bravo's pissed.
…also absent. TG.
“I might be a lesbian, my dates are always women.” -3 points
-3: “There's this girl who teaches you how to like, do BJs and stuff, she's like this porn star…. I just want to do something with the girls that I can actually partake in.” – Seriously, it's the only way she can work out with her leg broken.
“I just wish I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles” -7 points
-1: One of the agreements in my binding sex slave contract with Russell is that he's not supposed to beat the shit out of me unless I gain 3 pounds. -2: “Getting angry isn't really my deal” …besides the fact that I've had fights with every single other person on this show for the entire season and also on next week's episode. -2: “Through my therapy I realized I've caused a lot of tension between Russell and my friends” …and his fist and my face. +1: Taylor already dressing like a black widow to the fashion show. Points for foresight. -3: Russell is like The Hulk… “I'm getting angry…you're not gonna like me when I'm angry” – how much money that Russell is squeezing Taylor's bony hand trying to break it as her cue to say something nice about him?