Season 2, Episode 10: Your Face Or Mine, but definitely not Shrek's
Last night's episode was more like the Beverly Hills variety hour than it was reality television. A plastic surgery party AND a seance?! How exotique. Two extremely contradictory things paired together…it's like Bieber singing a song about losing his virginity. Oh wait.
It's weird that half of this episode was set at Paul's office for “Paul's Night of Beauty.” Never mind that it was during the day and that Paul looks like the human manifestation of ET, omg what a fun idea for a night out, let's all get giant toxic bubble injections and light therapy fat removal with a side show of tabloid leakage.
Then we had Kyle's “fancy” seance, giving us amazing material with serious dialogue like: “See you at the seance,” “Tonight is my seance,” “Should I not confront her when we have spirits coming?”, “Are you finding energy in this corner?”, “You're breaking up a little, didn't catch whose grandma you are.”
There weren't many serious questions last night, except whether Paul's assistant is actually Brandi's mom (the resemblance is uncanny!), why Kim constantly makes her housekeepers watch her clean her own house, and how Lisa pulled an electronic cigarette out of thin air. Whatevs, we're just so happy there was a flashback to Allison DuBois, that episode made life worth living.
So anyway, Lisa's Oscar-worthy imitation of Kim obviously won her the episode, and we don't care if people think she preys on Taylor because the oratorical brilliance of that battered soul is unrivaled: “Saying I have no friends is the one thing that Lisa says that hits home because I do have friends and it's an insult to my friends that's like saying they're not friends to me.” It's like, is Kim her new rambling coach?
Quote of the Night:
Kim: Seances are against my religion… Kyle: Uh Hello. How are you, nice to meet you, I'm your sister.
Lisa “Life in Beverly Hills is a game, but I don't have to play it because Ken is so obsessed with me”17 points
+2: For not getting any Botox. What better way to remind everyone of your superior natural beauty than to show up at the plastic surgery party and announce how that's “not your thing”. +3: To Kim, “No one is going to come inside you, it's not that kind of party” – Subtext: Martin's not invited. +10: Seriously that impression of Kim with laryngitis. HOLY SHIT, we died, it was like the Wizard of Oz started smoking reds. +2: We couldn't figure out what Taylor was so afraid of, but then we saw that intimidating pink iPad case and shrieked like Samara just came out of our TVs.
Adrienne “Having it all is easy; living with the fact that I once had tinsels in my hair is not” 6 points
+3: Did you have anything to do with Paul's creative yet devious ploy in order to get Kim in a medical exam room? Now we know that plastic surgery day was really Kim's intervention, put her on more meds and convince her she's already too drunk off her medicine cocktail to have a real one. +2: You know, Paul may look like ET, but he's
casually great realized he will never do better than Adri so tries really fucking hard. +1: For some reason Adri, we really like you this episode, it may be your hair, or the fact that you look super fucking skinny.
Kyle “I'm not the richest girl in Beverly Hills, but I could be if I was getting paid for my tears” 5 points
+2: For letting Bravo do a close up of “muffin top”, which you talk about the same way Lisa talks to Giggy. Oh hip fat, you little sex monsta. +3: Kim's new bro? We were shocked too. -1: Kyle, chill on the tears, you act like your life is the sequel to Precious. Not sure what's worse, being raped, getting AIDS, and giving birth to 2 kids or the surprise of your sister deciding to move in with some guy… +1: Though we'd also throw a fit if he was a candidate to be our in-law, maybe ask big sis for some Lexapro.
Camille “Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, a bitch who claims to be a medium and 'puffs away' is.” 3 points
+3: For letting everyone know that
your ex Frasier is more flaming than Leo and the Winklevii twins will be in J. Edgar, revenge is so sweet.
Brandi “Why didn't the psychic call me a slut? Doesn't she know I'm a slut?!” -1 point
-1: Leave us alone.
Kim “People try to figure me out, but you know, I really love the planes over there” -2 points
+1: Who needs to look where you're going on the highway when you're on the phone with a plastic surgeon. Maybe a car accident will earn you some coverage on reconstructive lip injections. +1: “I want to get some filler in my lip but I'm afraid…of looking like Taylor” -1: More on your lips, they didn't turn out that bad. I mean, do you really think Shreky has the right to say anything? -1: “How was Pandora's….. beautiful night?” Could have been Pand's elementary school graduation, she had NO clue what the occasion was. -2: “I hope that I can stay… not drinking… um….. I haven't drank in… a while” Uhhh game night was like last week babe.
Taylor “I've finally found my fibula” -4 points
-2: The staring contest with Lisa. Tay you blinked first ha. We'd prob lose too because that English betch has fire in her eyes… a firey passion for fucking up Taylor Armstrong. -1: The psychic's reading: “Your marriage has the light spots and the very dark… like having to do with the mob” Tay, did you dress up as James Gandolfini for Halloween!? -1: Why do you have a Louis Vuitton the size of a body bag with you? Oh wait, was that inapprop?