The Best Bachelorette Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 4

Here we are on the second night of this back-to-back “Bachelorette event” and we are in Connecticut, the most romantic state in the union. Andi tries to make it sound classy by calling it “New England.” Obviously Chris the farmer has always wanted to go to Connecticut. It must seem pretty exciting when your best friend has been a goat your whole life. 

Between this ancient train, dressing up as old people, meeting random old people in the park, and everybody dying, it seems to me the theme of this season is old people shit.

The main thing we want to call out in this recap is that the whole Eric thing was in really poor fucking taste. First they show extremely unflattering footage of his departure, then switch to Chris Harrison narrating a “commemoration” which actually just consists of Andi talking about how sad she is that he won't get to be on the reunion. How tragic! It's creepy enough to watch footage of him and now we don't even hear anything about his life outside of one whole month on the show. He's like, a PERSON, GUYS. So basically they took Eric, probably the most interesting contestant to ever be on The Bachelorette, who left the Mormon church and almost died in Syria (NBD!), and reduced his existence to not being on the Women Tell All. I love this show.

Date with Dylan

^ The ultimate Andi face

The date is her making him shovel coal into a train? What is this, Water For Elephants? Then the conductor yells all aboard even though they’re legit the only two people on the train.

Dylan: This is definitely something I’ve never done and probably won’t do again.  – What? take a train?

“It stung more being broken up with because it happened the day after my brother’s funeral.” Crickets…..

I don’t mean to be insensitive but someone needs to tell Dylan that Connecticut is not the backyard of Boston. It’s an entirely different state.

Andi: I know you were worried about it being a pity rose. I can’t stress enough how far beyond and opposite this is than a pity rose and not because it was sad and not because I felt bad for you (which I did) but the fact that you were willing to exploit yourself on national television.

Group Date

The WNBA probably got its highest ratings ever last night. TG none of the players are hotter than Andi or one of the guys might pull an Andrew.

Brian: I’m in my zone. I lit up like the 4th of July.  – Relax Brian. You’re only a coach.

Josh, WNBA enthusiast. He knows a little too much about them it makes me kinda uncomfortable.

Oh wow the team with the basketball coach and the black guy wins. Surprising.

JJ’s interests include pants and Andi.

The Rosebuds look super gay when they’re celebrating like spraying champagne it looks like they’re about to take off their clothes and make out.

Relax Josh, it’s only a game Focker!!

Brian: I think a kiss is definitely the next step. – Did your coach's playbook tell you that?

Eric used to be a mormon. That’s awkz.

Nick: I 100% met someone that I could 100% spend the rest of my life with I’ve known her 100% for 10 days.

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