Whoever said that “youth is wasted on the young” was def referring to binge drinking. At least that’s how we feel while reminiscing on the days we could intake absurd amounts of shitty liquor and suffer zero physical consequences as a result. The times of drinking without getting hangovers were fleeting, but some of the best of our lives. Let’s take a trip back to those glorious mornings before the ones we now know of Advil and broken dreams.
To fully appreciate the superpowers of our adolescent bodies, we have to go back to a time when we couldn’t legally purchase alcohol. This was when we had to drink whatever was available to us, and voluntarily took shots of things like Pinnacle Whipped. We also drank a frighteningly large quantity because we were unaware that a plastic water bottle holds like 25 shots and took those as individual serving sizes, which today would literally kill us.
By some sorcery, we used to wake up after all of this and feel perfectly normal. We’d go about our daily lives in a great mood, as if we’d gotten 12 hours of sleep and a full-body massage the night before. We still THOUGHT we were hungover, because we might have felt a slight headache for twenty minutes (the horror). This is unlike the present day, when we’ll have four martinis and legitimately consider checking ourselves into the ER the next day.
Based on all of this, it’s no wonder that drinking was the coolest thing to do in high school—it was fun AF and you had no soul-crushing shame spiral afterwards to make you question whether it was worth it. It’s hard to even imagine what life would be like now if hangovers didn’t exist—would brunch be a thing? Would we all have run a marathon by now? Who even knows.
Unfortunately, we hear it only gets worse from here, so it looks like we’re stuck nursing ourselves back to health for 12-24 hours every time we go out. We’ll always have the memories, though, to make us feel even more bitter while chugging Gatorade in bed and hoping our livers don’t give out—because if that’s not #adulting we don’t know what is.