Taylor Swift Has A New Boyfriend Already

In the immortal words of Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones: “There’s always a contest with the ex. It’s called who will die miserable.” Nobody takes that more seriously than Taylor Swift, so to keep up with her personal brand she’s moved on to a new man: Tom Hiddleston. Poor Tom is in for the ultimate 21st Century hazing—the media attention of hooking up with Taylor Swift.

ICYMI: Taylor and Calvin Harris broke up like yesterday. JK it was last month, but I wasn’t even in the relationship and it feels too soon. But if I were Calvin I would be leaving voicemails screaming “We weren’t on a break!” He recently unfollowed Taylor and her brother on Twitter. I’m not sure which is worse: that an adult man still uses Twitter regularly, or that he felt the best way to respond to Taylor’s happiness was to unfollow her official account.

Tom Hiddleston is a British actor whose claim to fame is playing Chris Hemsworth’s asshole brother in the Avengers and Thor movies. They met at the Mat Gala and ~connected~ during a dance-off to “Bring ‘Em Out” by TI. If that screams romance to you, then you’re probably still in the middle school and way too excited for the next bar mitzvah.



A video posted by Carlos Souza (@carlossouza1311) on


With that incredible chemistry, they were photographed making out in Rhode Island this week.

Don’t pretend like Tom isn’t a catch or Taylor’s type: rich, celebrity, has a job, looks great in a tuxedo, presumably has a penis. I just really want to know what the group chats are like whenever Taylor has a new guy. Like how do Selena Gomez and Karlie Kloss respond?

Congrats to Taylor and Tom, on what I’m sure will be a summer fling that earns Taylor millions of dollars in 2017. 


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