Taylor Swift Is Coming For Kim Kardashian's Empire With Her Latest Venture

If there’s anything we know about the new Taylor Swift, it’s that she shares the old Taylor’s (RIP) love of putting her face on every goddamn thing that she can get her hands on. These days, Taylor Swift has her own DirecTV channel and, for some fucking reason, is the official face of UPS. (If anyone has any info on how or why that happened, please slide into my DMs ASAP because I have questions.) Now, Taylor will add to her narcissim media empire by launching her own “digital entertainment project”—aka an app—called The Swift Life. Never before have I both despised and desired an app so completely.

The Swift Life will, according to the press release, be a “deeply social environment” where certifiable psychopaths Taylor Swift fans will get access to exclusive content, photos, and, most interestingly, be granted “direct engagement with Swift.” Apparently, Taylor’s intern will be directly interacting with fans via the app, so if you’ve ever wanted to pay money to have Taylor Swift like a comment you wrote, this app is for you.

Oh, and if you didn’t think this app would come with Taylor’s very own Kimoji rip-off called “Taymojis” then you don’t know shit about Taylor Swift. I wonder how many of said “Taymojis” will be snakes. 100? 200? All of them? My vote is for all of them. 

The Swift Life is set to launch in beta sometime in 2017, which doesn’t leave very much time, so keep an eye out for her starting some random-ass drama with a Kardashian sometime in the near future to get her name in the press. 

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.