Taylor Swift's New Song "Gorgeous" Is Garbage

Well ladies, it’s Friday, and that means that Ms. Taylor Swift has absolutely knocked it out of the park with another new song. It’s called “Gorgeous,” which is 0% surprising. We’re not sure whether this one is better than the first two dumpster fires from her new album, but there’s plenty to discuss.

First of all, the song itself sounds better than the first two. It’s no “Blank Space,” but at least it doesn’t have nine different beats clashing together at the same time. Seriously, “Look What You Made Me Do” has so much going on it gives me a headache. This new song sounds simpler, and is less of a departure from her last album.

But oh, the lyrics. That’s where the wheels kinda fall off. Because Taylor Swift is an icon of the feminist movement, she chose to go in a cutting-edge direction and write another song about how crazy a man makes her feel. She’s really covering new ground, good for her! The song is most likely about current boyfriend Joe Alwyn, the rando British actor who’s cute but she could do better. Or can she? At this point, I don’t know. I feel like she’s got to be paying dudes to date her, because I can’t think of a good reason why anyone would willingly sign up for that Tilt-A-Whirl of terror. 

Taylor Swift

Anyway, the lyrics:

“You’re so gorgeous/ I can’t say anything to your face/ ‘Cause look at your face/ And I’m so furious/ At you for making me feel this way/ But what can I say?/ You’re gorgeous.”

There it is folks, the chorus teenage girls will be shouting for the next six months. In classic Taylor Swift fashion, she’s taking no responsibility for her own feelings and placing herself under the control of a man. But remember, she’s not a boyfriend girl! Taylor also says she “might sink and drown and die” in Alwyn’s the subject’s “ocean blue eyes,” which is…romantic? Creepy? Fucking dumb?

Taylor Swift

There are lots more cringey lyrics in the song, but my (least) favorite is probably when she says “guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats, alone, unless you wanna come along.” Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. No one cares that you have fucking cats, Taylor!! You’re not special!!

Aaaaaand right on time, this piece of shit song is stuck in my head. Brb, gonna go cry and wish that I was as rich as her.