Take It One Day At A Time: Weekly Horoscopes April 13-17

This week, we’ll all be faced with a question: what if you just let yourself relax? What if we set aside the quarantine goals, the at-home workouts, and the half-finished Pinterest projects and just chilled for a sec? Would that be so bad? Would it be the end of the world? I mean, yes, it kind of is, but it will be like that regardless. Here’s what will be in the cards for you this week, as you hopefully chill for a second.


Yes, we’re all trying to make the best of our time at home, but are you in danger of starting too many projects at once? Most likely yes. This week, focus on one thing you want to accomplish before we get to the end of this and you wake up in a room full of loose puzzle pieces and half-finished embroidery hoops having not actually done a damn thing.


Time to face facts, Taurus: the epic birthday weekend getaway you had planned is probably not happening. And neither is the bar crawl, the girls night, or anything you had planned that can’t take place over Zoom. Set your sights on something more manageable this week and start the process of getting yourself excited for the virtual celebration to come.


Time to let go of what you can’t control, Gemini, especially when it comes to other people’s thoughts and actions. You’ve been trying your hardest to lead by example and educate those around you and guess what…it’s not working. So stop trying. Focus on yourself, live life in accordance to your values, and accept the fact that no amount of well thought out comments will ever make Emily from middle school take social distancing seriously.


It’s time to steal power back in one of your relationships, Cancer. Whether you’ve been letting your significant other choose all the quarantine snacks, or letting your roommate monopolize the living room, it’s time to reclaim your space. You’ve been doing your best to keep the peace, but at whose expense? Your roommate can handle being told to watch Love Island in her room for once. We promise.


As one of the fixed signs, you hate having your routine interrupted, and it’s totally understandable if your quarantine has gotten off to a rocky start. That said, we’re four weeks in, and it’s time to let go. Ditch the script this week and allow yourself to go with the flow. And if that means sleeping through your alarm once, or twice, or three times this week, so be it.


You’re feeling creative this week, so why not start a little Pinterest project? It’s not like you’re busy with anything else. Bust out the cross stitch, the adult coloring book, or just start your own private version of Nailed It! yith your roommates in your kitchen. And don’t forget to share the results on Instagram. Your followers could use a good laugh.


You’ve been in denial since the pandemic started, but it’s time to embrace the new normal. And what better way to do that than to optimize your face to fit the world of now? Is your home office all that it could be? Is your in-apt gym (aka the space between the couch and the TV) in tip-top shape? Take time this week to rearrange your space to fit your new needs. And don’t worry. You can always change it back if we’re ever allowed to have people over again.


You’re feeling very invested in your partnerships this week, so get ready to go deep with your quarantine buddy. This is the perfect time to sit down with a bottle of wine and find out what really makes them tick. And for those who are quarantining alone, now is the perfect time to set up a weekly Zoom meeting with your favorite person. And yes, that can be your mom.


You’re feeling money-minded this week, so why not take a look at that 2020 budget you drafted (or thought about drafting) in January. Is it still feasible given…you know…everything? If your quarantine panic spending has gotten out of control, this is the week to get yourself back on track before you end up pre-spending your entire stimulus check.


We’ve got a quarter moon in your sign this week that’s bringing some much-needed balance to your life. You might even start feeling like you’re actually getting the hang of this quarantine thing. Enjoy this natural state of rest and relaxation now, before you accidentally hear one second of a news story and go right back into panic mode.


If there’s anything good about the current global situation, its that we’re being asked to slow way, way down. So why won’t you, Aquarius? As Bachelor contestants always say, it’s about the journey. This week, take stock of where you’re at with this quarantined life, instead of just focusing on where you want to be. And yes, it is 100% okay if where you’re at is on the couch and in sweatpants.


It’s times like these that show you who your true friends are, Pisces, so take stock of your quarantine crew. Who has showed up for you, and who hasn’t? Letting relationships go can be painful, but if someone can’t be there for you in a crisis then are they really your friend? There’s no better time than the present to leave someone on read for eternity.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.