Once upon a time (re: all 2020), the idea of having plans—any plans—seemed like a dream. After spending every second inside, simple errands like going to the grocery store or picking up a prescription became an event. Now that you’re vaxxed and the CDC says leaving your house is like, kinda okay, you’re faced with a dilemma you never thought you’d be in again: canceling plans you have no intention of showing up to. Maybe you wanted to go out but now you’re in your comfy clothes and can’t fathom putting on heels, or perhaps the thought of listening to your friends talk about work sounds like, well, work. Whatever it is, you’re in the market for a “get out of plans” excuse, and luckily, your answer has been written in the stars.

Whether you’re a perpetual bailer (shame) or this is your first time (awww!), your astrological sign already knows how this is going to go down. Whether you tell the truth about wanting to stay home, lie through your teeth, or destroy your friendships to avoid having to say “I don’t want to go to brunch,” your zodiac sign is very telling of how you’ll get out of your commitments. Does that make you less of a piece of sh*t? No. But hey, at least this way it’s not your fault you suck! You can blame it on the universe!

Aries

Doesn’t it blow that you were the one who made these plans? You were the one who literally begged everyone to keep their Friday night open so you could all chug margs and talk sh*t about the Aquarius in your group, and now you’re just kinda not feeling it? Even though you’re basically the leader of your group (duh), it’s kinda exhausting having to be the fun one all the time, right? Luckily for you, you have the easiest excuse to get out of plans in the entire zodiac: You’re the ringleader, and you’re usually the one pulling the strings, so yeah, you deserve to bail. Be honest, upfront, and tell everyone you’re exhausted/sick/not feeling like hanging tonight. They’ll give you sh*t, but you kinda DGAF. Plus, it’s nice to leave the peasants wanting more, right?

Taurus

Whether or not you actually wanted to be a part of these plans when they were made (uh, spoiler: you didn’t), you’re now absolutely not on board. I’m sorry, a club/brunch/shopping? In this humidity? Granted, the fact that you’ve been stressing about canceling for two days is making everything worse, but it doesn’t matter. You absolutely cannot and will not go. Unless, of course, you think everyone will be mad at you. Do you think they’ll be mad at you? They won’t… right? F*ck. Now’s the perfect time to play the “I’m not drinking/on a diet/on a budget” card and avoid any attempts by your friends to create new plans that will fit into your new strict, sober, vegan, spending-zero-cash lifestyle. It’s not your fault, they just don’t understand. *Sigh*

Gemini

Gemini! I truly wasn’t expecting to see you here. Welcome! Have you ever canceled a plan? I mean, I know you think about it. Like, all the time. You literally fantasize about bailing on pretty much everything. But actually doing it? That’s a different story. While you tend to dread events you don’t want to go to, by the time you’re there (and okay, two shots in), you’re the life of the GD party. It’s kind of cute that you think this time will be different, TBH. As much as you want to, you know you’re not doing to ditch—the FOMO is far too real for you. Might as well start heating up your curler, baby. Because you’re going out tonight, whether you like it or not.

Cancer

You honestly can’t decide if you want to go out, and that’s why canceling plans is so tricky for Cancers. On one hand, the thought of getting dressed and getting drunk with your frenemies sounds kind of dreadful. But on the other hand, not doing that also sounds kind of dreadful. So no matter what you do, you’re going to have a mediocre time at best. Yay for overthinking! You’re no stranger to bailing on plans, so why don’t you just do what you always do: blame your cancelation on something petty, like feeling bloated, or the fact that Jessica (who is definitely going to be there because she already posted that she was in the Uber) didn’t like your recent picture, and honestly? Rude. You just aren’t up for that kind of hostility tonight.

Leo

You’re dressed. You’re wearing falsies. You’re already three vodka sodas in. And yet, for some reason, you’re not feeling that usual tingle in your vagina that says “I’m going to have a f*cking blast tonight.” Granted, you’re not one to cancel plans—and you’re the first to give anyone who tries major sh*t—but like, does going out even sound that good? Luckily, since you’re usually the one calling the shots (and buying them), it’s simple to be like, “Sorry guys, I have a headache. Have fun,” and turn off notifications for the rest of the night. Sure, everyone will bad mouth you behind your back, but that’s only because without you, your friends will be buying their own drinks and going home by 10pm. Enjoy your night off, Leo. You earned it.

Virgo

Dreading the drunk plans you made last week that are looming ahead, Virgo? That checks out. Even though you love having people depend on you, you could really do with a night off. The problem is, you were the one who made the reservations. And created the dress code for the evening. Annnnnd sent out the itinerary. You know if you bail, your perfectly envisioned night of bar hopping will turn into your idiot friends going to the same bar they always hit up and drunk crying in the corner. But why is that your fault? You’ve spent so long planning for this night, now that it’s here you’re kind of over it. Either fake a stomach bug or go along with the night, moping on the dance floor when half the people show up sans costume and take a cab home by 11. Either way, you’re in for an obnoxious evening.

Libra

You’re not one to back out of plans. Seriously, you’re not. You hate those people who just like, disappear when they start dating someone new and bible, you’d never do that. And you mean it! And even though you swiped with a 10 while you were getting ready and he asked you out at the same time you were supposed to meet your friends, that doesn’t mean you’re going to bail on your girls just to get laid. Honestly, anyone who does that is THE worst. *Phone buzzes* Awww he said you look beautiful. I mean duh, you do. But that was nice of him to—*phone buzzes.* Oh my God, he’s so funny. Maybe you’ll just see him for a drink like, after? *Phone buzzes.* He has a Tesla? *Phone buzzes* And he’s on his way to see you. Sh*t. Well, your friends will understand, right? I mean, this could be ~the one.~ I know, I know… you said that about the guy with the beard last month, but this time is different.

Scorpio

Aww, Scorpio! This isn’t your first time canceling plans, but it is your first time actually thinking through the decision. More often than not you just pick a fight to get out of something or blatantly ignore what you were supposed to do in an effort to avoid going to coffee with your new internet friend. So, the fact that you’re even thinking through this decision is like, very big of you. Congrats! I mean, you probably already canceled your plans by saying something like “hungover,” “feeling ugly,” or “I hate you,” but still. Good on you for thinking of others!

Sagittarius

How does a Sag cancel plans? They just don’t commit in the first place! You’re not a piece of sh*t on purpose, but what do people expect? You to just agree to go to something when you don’t know how you’ll feel, if you’ll want to go, or if something better will come along? Pshhh, as if. While you’re not one to commit to anything, if you do RSVP yes and change your mind last-minute (which you will, obviously), you’ll just pretend your phone broke, your car wouldn’t start, or you suddenly came down with a serious case of sobriety. Next time, just remember: If you never agree to anything, you’ll never have to lie your way out of it.

Capricorn

Your friends know you to be the definition of driven, which is why you have the perfect excuse to get out of plans: Goal chasing, baby. Since you’re already the one in your group who got a promotion, snagged a #SponCon, discovered an ab, and got verified on social, it’s not surprising if you blow off a happy hour to “get some work done.” Whether you say you got called into the office, received a last-minute assignment, or have a meeting you just have to take with a *top secret* marketing firm, no one will think twice when you bail for the sake of your own success (even though it’s only because they all want to mooch off you). That fact that you’ll ~actually~ be at home, smoking weed and masturbating to Bridgerton can stay between you and me.

Aquarius

As one of the Queens of Canceling on Plans, you’ve got bailing down to an art form. You don’t need me to tell you how to do it, because honestly? You’re basically a pro. From claiming a family emergency and tagging yourself at a hospital to saying you have a last-minute work project and staying logged into Slack all day, you’re no stranger to creating excuses to get out of sh*t. So, put your feet up, let everyone know your cat is sick, and enjoy a night off with Netflix and not wearing heels. Your friends probably don’t even know you’re allergic to cats anyway, let alone that you don’t have one.

Pisces

If there’s one sign that has a hard time following through with bailing on plans, it’s Pisces. No matter how many times you say you just want to stay home, you don’t want to spend money, or you have work in the morning, no one really cares—they’ll all just yell at you until you order an Uber for the entire group. While sure, you could just like, try to say no, will you actually stick with it, or will you find yourself at a club at 2am nursing a watered-down vodka and trying not to think about the fact that you have to wake up in four hours? The only way for you to successfully get out of sh*t is to color your hair, fake your own death, and flee to another country. That way, you’ll get at least a few years before another plan comes along, and you’ll start the cycle all over again. But it’s that or standing your ground and honestly, running away just sounds easier.

Images: HOMME PRODUCTIONS / Stocksy.com Giphy (12)

“Why do all you girls put your sign in your dating profile?” I was on a date (yes, success!) and we veered into the category of “other people on the apps.” I made fun of all the pictures of dudes with fish, and the number of men seeking “ethically” non-monogamous relationships. My date wanted to know why the women he saw on the apps cared so much about his astrological sign. He thinks it’s full B.S., even less meaningful than a Meyers-Briggs or Enneagram delineation. 

Ok, Does Anyone *Really* Date Based On Astrology?

It might seem like nobody is actually dating based on their zodiac sign and it’s all for the memes—Teen Vogue ran an article saying astrology doesn’t matter—and yet, next down on the Google search, was a piece from the same outlet on who one should date based on astrological signs. Still need more proof to know you’re not the only one filtering out Scorpios? Bumble says their star sign filter is their most used qualifier. MTV says one third of the young people (Gen Z) use astrology to determine their compatibility with a date.  

I took to the internet to ask who believes the fault is in our stars when it comes to love. I got a wide range of responses. Maud Waterman, a Los Angeles based filmmaker, instead of bread baking or TikTok content creation, used her free time during the pandemic to study astrology. She says, “I’m definitely a believer! If you had asked about a year and a half ago I would have been a skeptic, but I did an unfathomable amount of studying (yeah, I’ve got textbooks) over quarantine and I now use astrology in my daily life.” I heard from several astrologers who operate in person, on the internet, or even on TV. I heard from an aura photographer (which I guess is a thing), crystal specialists, and psychics. What color is your aura, do you think? I hope mine’s purple.

I heard from skeptics who think, like my date, that it’s all a bunch of hocus pocus, and people like Michelle Davies—a life coach and editor of The Best Ever Guide to Life—who used to believe in astrology until it started negatively affecting her relationship. She says, “It’s because I was looking at our relationship dynamics through the lens of astrology, disregarding that certain things can be worked at through free will and effort.” Now she can think of astrology as a suggestion, but not a mandate. 

I won’t name names, but some people have been dumped for their obsession with astrology, and there are people who swear by it anyway and would rather die (or stay single) than date an Aries. I interviewed two experts for further information on the psychology behind astrology and how it relates to the psychology of love: Clarissa Silva, Behavioral Scientist/Relationship Coach, who can be called a skeptic; and Maria Shaw, psychic astrologer and reality star, who has done readings on the eighth season of 90 Day Fiancé. 

Ask The Experts

Even if you’re the most diehard horoscope checker, Silva says, “Astrological signs are labels, not dating deal breakers.” She adds, “Determining actual compatibility is far more complex.” I agree that it makes sense that one little piece of the personality puzzle is not enough to seal your fate, even if they are a Scorpio. 

Shaw agrees. She says that, even if a reading shows that two people are not meant to be together, she would never tell someone what to do in their relationship. She also believes that you can’t simply look at someone’s sun sign to know compatibility. You need to do their full “star chart,” which entails using accurate info about the time, place, and day you were born. This gives a full picture of one’s past lives, present personality, and future path. 

But What If You’re Dating A Skeptic… Or A Sagittarius?

Can you still use astrology to inform your decisions about the relationship if the other person thinks it’s woo-woo nonsense? Shaw says, “Use the astrology as a tool for yourself. Don’t push your opinions to get them to believe.” That said, you can still arm yourself with all the information, should you so choose: “Knowledge is power,” she says. If you simply can’t go on a second date without the full astrological picture, Shaw advises, “Get their birth information, find out about them, and decide if you want to go forward on this. You want to know where this thing is gonna lead.”  She does emphasize getting consent from the person before charting their stars, but says it’s okay to use the information to inform yourself on whether or not you want to stay in a relationship—much like any other information you might find out in your routine pre-date social media stalking.

Silva, on the other hand, warns that this kind of judgment “can result in meaningless or erroneous predictions on compatibility.” She elaborates, “Astrology provides a layer of the complexity of personality but can’t make predictions on compatibility and long term happiness.” She says you can use astrology “as an entertainment source or a source of providing hope or direction for those that seek out this as guidance,” but that astrology is quite literally fake news: “a pseudoscience because it hasn’t passed the rigor of scientific inquiry to qualify as evidence-based.” Believers are going to say that something as intuitive as astrology cannot be studied by science, but many skeptics are going to insist on peer-reviewed evidence before committing to a life led by the stars. 

Shaw has patience with the idea of skeptics. She says people who are getting wrong information are either not looking at the full picture or are getting information from a suboptimal source. Some websites copy info from other sources or from looking at only the sun sign instead of the sun, rising, and moon signs, not to mention the planetary alignment at the time of your birth. Still, when I summed this up on my next date with the skeptic, his eyes rolled so hard they got stuck that way and he had to go to the doctor (not fact). 

Does Astrology Matter?

So, here’s why people use star charts to guide them in their relationships: either they truly believe in it, or they find it fun. None of us knows what we’re doing, so any guidance that gives us the answers we seek is going to be welcome. Just like I really shouldn’t be dating Slytherins anymore, someone might take a personality profile of a Taurus and use it as a reason to say, “Thank you, next.” Conversely, maybe a Ravenclaw with a Hufflepuff rising like myself can read an Aquarius’ profile and swoon, while knowing his sign won’t guarantee he isn’t a dick whistle. 

As for me, I’m an astrology agnostic. I can’t know whether or not my tendency to multitask and chat is due to my being a Gemini or some other mix of nature and nurture. But isn’t it fun to dream? As we ended our call, Shaw said that, according to the planets, “We’re coming into a romantic period. We’re going to see people getting back to being romantic and wooing people. People want to fall in love and be in love.” Aw.

A skeptic might say that we’re getting into a romantic period because we’ve been locked in our houses in our sweatpants all winter. But either way, isn’t it nice to imagine that, as the plague recedes, there are people out there, maybe a soul mate or, as Shaw put it, “a past life connection,” ready to “walk your path?” Whether it is written in the stars or not, as we head into a potentially disease-free summer, full of starry nights and warm breezes, I wish you love, or, at least, some fun with a handsome Pisces. 

Image: Lucas Ottone / Stocksy.com

A full moon in Scorpio? Get ready for drama. Scorpio is known for its intensity, its need for intimacy, and its love of everything mysterious and unsaid. So get ready for all of that. With Scorpio taking the lunar wheel, you can expect all the shit you’ve been hiding under the surface to come bubbling up in some form or another. Your mission? Deal with that sh*t. Before it deals with you.

Aries

Lower the gates! This week, Scorpio’s desire for intimacy might just give you the push you need to lower those walls. It’s time to let people in. Not saying you have to post your business for the world to see, but have you considered confiding in a friend about… literally anything? Could be worth a shot!

Taurus

Time to let go of that one past relationship you still haven’t let go of, even though it’s like, way overdue. You know exactly the one I’m talking about. Light a candle. Burn your former flame’s name and throw the ashes out to sea. Wait… no… that actually sounds even more obsessive. Maybe just delete their number?

Gemini

Is it time to inject some realism into your dreamy Gemini life? It looks like it. This week, it’s time to give yourself a dose of Scorpio’s signature brutal honesty. What are you even doing right now? What path do you want to take? Stop f*cking around and make a choice. Scorpio says so.

Cancer

When water meets water, the creativity flows. And that’s exactly what’s happening with this month’s Scorpio full moon. The sudden surge in creative energy means you’re definitely going to want a notebook nearby to write down all of your incredible ideas. This sh*t is genius-level.

Leo

This full moon it’s time to ask yourself—what are you holding onto that you can let go? Scorpio is great at getting to the root of problems and seeing what lies beneath, making now the perfect time to examine (and dispose of) negative attachments. Or just keep them and stay attached forever! Your call!

Virgo

Thanks to Scorpio, your filter is fully on the fritz this week. Oops! Try to find an excuse to keep your camera off during your boss’s latest boring-ass non-sequitur now, because there is no hiding your true emotions this week. It’s not your fault. Your eyes just roll like that sometimes.

Libra

A Scorpio full moon is the perfect time to make like Eminem and clear out your closet. Literally. Scorpio gets you more in touch with your true feelings, meaning you’ll have an easier time determining what truly “sparks joy,” and what can safely head off to your latest Goodwill donation. Hint: anything you haven’t worn since *before* the quarantine can definitely go.

Scorpio

A full moon in your sign? It’s transformation time! You know that “new you” you’ve been working on? Now is the perfect time to shed cocoon and emerge as a beautiful, vaccinated butterfly. And yes, that does mean this is a great week to treat yourself to a haircut or COVID-safe facial. Say the moon told you to do it.

Sagittarius

Listen to your intuition this week, Sagittarius, because it’s at an all-time high. If the vibes are off, it’s time to GTFO. This week’s full moon has you particularly in touch with your own intelligence, so if you’re telling yourself something, it’s probably true. Unless you’re drunk and think it’s a good time to cut your own bangs. Then I’d say hold off.

Capricorn

Welcome to the new world, Capricorn! This week is all about getting into your community for you, Capricorn, whether it be swinging by a local farmer’s market, checking in on your favorite coffee shop, or just actually engaging with your overly chatty neighbor. It wasn’t so long ago that literally all of those activities were forbidden by the CDC.

Aquarius

The full moon is giving you the confidence you need to flex in the workplace, Aquarius, so don’t be afraid to unmute. Now is the perfect time to utilize personal and professional connections to get ahead in your career, as you just so happen to be extra personable and charming these days. Good for you!

Pisces

Share the wealth, Pisces! This week, you may feel compelled to share knowledge you’ve acquired recently with others, whether it be showing your dad how to reset the router over FaceTime (for the millionth time), or making a shareable social media graphic about a topic that’s important to you. It’s time to share your genius with the world!

Images: Julian Myles / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

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The Sun is meeting up with Neptune in Pisces this week, and this kooky combination could leave you feeling a bit scattered, or like you’re being pulled in two different directions. The Sun is known for providing clarity, but since Neptune is known for the exact opposite, this week will mentally feel a bit like shining a flashlight into a fog machine—a mental haunted house, if you will. Have fun!

Aries

With the Sun and Neptune in your fantastical twelfth house, you may find your daydreams absolutely supercharged this week. Let your mind run wild with possibilities—your life as a famous pop star, your shotgun wedding to Chris Evans, all of your laundry folded and put away in drawers. As a wise Whitney Houston once said, “impossible things are happening every day.”

Taurus

The Sun and Neptune are lighting up your house of collaboration, meaning now would be the perfect time to actually let your friends help you, for once. This is the week to delegate, both in your professional and personal life. You can’t do everything by yourself. Well, you can, but it’s really no fun at all.

Gemini

Gemini? Second guessing themself? Groundbreaking. The conjunction between the Sun’s crystal clarity and Neptune’s fog is making all of your choices feel like suggestions for the foreseeable future. Avoid any big decisions, especially in your career, until these two are done messing with your head. Rude.

Cancer

To go big, or to go home? That is the question. This week, the Sun will be inspiring you to take action, but Neptune is obscuring what path you need to take. Take time to really think about your moves before you make them so you don’t end up like me watching the movie Tenet: lost.

Leo

You’re playing it hot and cold this week with the Sun and Neptune in your house of intimacy. One minute you want to reenact some key scenes from Bridgerton, the next you’re seriously considering becoming a nun. Just let your partner know they are on notice for when the Bridgerton moment strikes. You never know how long it will last.

Virgo

Let yourself catch feelings a little bit Virgo, as the Sun and Neptune cast a hazy glow over your house of relationships. Your practical sign could use a day of daydreaming about your own two-hour tell-all Oprah interview after marrying a prince. Who isn’t these days?

Libra

Disorganization is coming to your home life as the Sun and Neptune tangle in your organizational sixth house. Don’t be surprised to see the not-quite-dirty-laundry pile growing in the corner, or a stack of dishes that you just can’t bring yourself to clean. Sorry to your housemates.

Scorpio

The Sun and Neptune are turning up your romantic, creative side, meaning you’re basically Taylor Swift this week. Embrace it. Send the text. Buy the cardigan. Stream “Lover” on Spotify. Release your inner Taylor.

Sagittarius

Tell your therapist to get ready, because this week you are poised for some major epiphanies around home and family. With your ability for insight particularly high, now is the time to face some difficult truths. Like how your childhood hamster probably didn’t actually “go away to college.”

Capricorn

This week it’s all about your crew, mainly who deserves their spot in your inner circle, and who is up for a demotion. If anything, this time has taught you who has shown up and who can be shown out. And yes, that does mean you can finally mute them on Insta.

Aquarius

It’s time to get your finances in order, as Neptune and the Sun hang out in your house of financial planning. Fire up the Excel sheets, gather the receipts at the bottom of your bag, and mentally prepare yourself to actually add up your monthly takeout expenses. Time to rip that bandaid off…

Pisces

The Sun and Neptune are in your sign, helping you connect (or re-connect) to your true self. Who really are you, Pisces? This week’s mission is to find out. Experiment! Try out new versions of yourself. Just don’t let Gen Z trick you into becoming someone with a middle part.

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Is it any surprise that we’re entering Aquarius season just as we’re inaugurating a new President? And people try to say astrology isn’t real. This progressive, innovative season is the perfect time for you to take on big ideas, challenge your thinking, and get involved in something you care about. Not sure if you’ve heard, but there’s kind of a lot going on right now. Pick something and dig in!

Aries

Your genius is on display this week as Aquarius season takes hold, and nothing is too crazy for you to throw it out in a brainstorm. Did Steve Jobs invent the iPod by holding back? This is the week to trust your instincts, and follow your brilliant brain wherever it leads. Even if it’s just to a Wikipedia page on serial killers (again).

Taurus

The only place to go is up, Taurus! The move into Aquarius has you fully awaking from your holiday-food-induced slumber and you are ready to take on the new year! Use the momentum Aquarius season brings to push through the daily slog of work so you can actually get to the fun parts. Like giving your two weeks’ notice to start your dream job.

Gemini

You’re an air sign…Aquarius is an air sign…can I make it any more obvious? Now is a time of expansion for you, Gemini. Lean into your airy qualities. Where the wind goes, you follow. Now your free-spirited nature is at its absolute peak, so go out there and have a little fun. Geminis already have a rep for being crazy. Might as well earn it.

Cancer

Aquarius season has you pulled in two different directions, especially when it comes to relationships. Lucky you. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself exploring the answers to age-old questions like, “Do I want to be single forever, or married tomorrow?” or, “Should I sleep with my downstairs neighbor because quarantine?” and of course, “Do I like him, or is he just tall?”

Leo

Aquarius season will be felt particularly hard for you this year, Leo, so get ready. Now is the perfect time to really shore up who is part of your inner crew, and who needs to be moved off of Close Friends. You’re going to be making major strides toward your future self, and there’s no room for stragglers or hangers-on. (And yes this does include literally all of your exes.)

Virgo

Aquarius has you extra motivated on your own health and wellness routines, and may be even opening your mind to more new age remedies. Not saying you should opt for local honey over the COVID vaccine, but there’s no harm in lighting some incense, grabbing a crystal, and seeing how that makes you feel.

Libra

Cupid is visiting your sign a little bit early thanks to matchmaker Aquarius, so get ready for a major love life upgrade. The bad news? Any negative feelings you’ve had about your current romantic situation will become impossible to ignore. The good news? All the time you spent texting that person you were only so-so on can now be focused on finding The One. Or at least, someone with a better sexting vibe.

Scorpio

Aquarius season has you embracing hygge energy, so don’t be surprised if you feel the sudden urge to look up crock pot recipes and beginner knitting videos on Pinterest. Embrace your inner 1950s housewife by tackling some home projects, cooking projects, or anything else that would make your home ec teacher proud. Just make sure whoever you live with knows this sh*t is only temporary.

Sagittarius

Aquarius season has your intuition on high alert, so don’t ignore any gut feelings or bad vibes that cross your path. Airy Aquarius is allowing you to open your mind, step back, and see the big picture. And guess what? Some things look different when you’re not up close. Like that haircut you gave your roommate in quarantine. Yikes.

Capricorn

Classic Capricorn. This Aquarius season, your mind is on your money and your money’s on your mind, meaning it’s time to pull back on some of that birthday month spending. That laser facial will have to wait until next year, I’m afraid. If you haven’t already, now is the perfect time to set some financial goals for 2021, and take a good hard look at your budget for the past few months. Who knew one person could spend that much on La Croix?

Aquarius

Welcome to your season, darling! The post-holiday haze as officially lifted and you are ready to embrace all things you! For your birthday month this year, the universe got you the extra gift of Mercury, Jupiter, and Saturn all also teaming up in your sign. This means now is a major opportunity to reinvent yourself and rebrand as whoever you want to be. Just don’t actually tell people you’re “rebranding.” It’s a bad look.

Pisces

With the Sun’s spotlight on your neighbor Aquarius, now is the time to go deep. What are you hanging onto that cannot remain for one second longer in 2021? It’s never too late to drop something that’s not serving you, and Aquarius is bringing you the clarity of mind to finally see what’s necessary, and what has to go. Now go apply this influence to your closet…

Images: Giphy

Its the last few days of 2020! What could go wrong? No, seriously. I’m making a list for mental preparation. This week we cap off 2020 with a full moon in Cancer, giving us permission to feel the absolute f*ck out of our feelings as we try to make sense of the past year of our lives. Don’t be surprised if your phone starts blowing up with gushy end of year posts, long texts to the core crew, and even some *gasp* nostalgia for the year we’re leaving behind this week. 

Aries

With a full moon in Cancer, you want nothing more than to stay the f*ck home, which is great because that’s kind of all you’re legally supposed to do anyway. And if you decide to go all the way and embrace the “home for the holidays” thing by being in bed by 12:01am on New Years? That’s just what the Universe had planned for you. 

Taurus 

If there’s anyone who knows how to make a low-key New Years classy as f*ck, it’s you, Taurus. This week you’re ready to embrace the whole “no giant parties” vibe by planning a decadent meal for your quar pod, or springing for the fancy champagne for your zoom countdown. Who cares if people judge you for your NYE-themed sequined loungewear? 

Gemini

Here’s some good news: a low-key New Years means you’re less likely to start 2021 with a negative checking account and no recollection of how that even happened. With the full moon in Cancer, now is time for a little financial self-audit. Download one of the bajillion budgeting apps there are out there and get to work. 

Cancer 

You’re ending the year with the moon in your sign, meaning you might be feeling an urge to get a jumpstart on your 2021 plans. Can anyone blame you for wanting to leave 2020 behind? Bust out your fancy new notebook (we all got one at some point this month) and get to writing down those resolutions. Just be sure to add in a disaster clause in case of global pandemic, flood, burning rain, etc… 

Leo

Give it up, Leo! All that sh*t you were supposed to do in 2020 but didn’t because you know, everything? Give it up. The unrealistic goals you’re already setting for yourself in 2021? Give them up. With the full moon in water sign Cancer, right now is about washing away the old year and going with the flow into the new. New Years resolutions are made to be broken anyway. 

Virgo

Who are the people you’re taking into the new year and who is being left in 2020? With the moon rounding out the year in Cancer, you’ll be feeling closer than ever to your core crew. On the flip side, those who haven’t even bothered to throw you a like on any of your hilarious posts all quarantine? They are *off* the close friends list. 

Libra 

Knocking one last thing off your to-do list on the week between Christmas and New Years? You just might be crazy enough to do it, Libra. Many have tried. Many have failed. But with the power of the Cancer moon on your side, anything is possible—even answering emails during the holidays.

Scorpio 

You’re not ready to give up on New Years Eve 2020 just yet, so let your sense of adventure (and the CDC’s guidelines for social gatherings) be your guide! Yeah, it might look a little different than previous years (i.e no sweating your ass off grinding on strangers in a too-crowded bar until 6am), but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be fun. And it doesn’t mean you can’t still be drunk. So at least there’s that. 

Sagittarius 

A steamy New Years kiss? In this economy? I guess so! With the moon in Cancer, aka your house of eroticism, you may find yourself desperate for someone to smooch (and then some) at midnight. Might not be the best idea, but there’s no way to talk you out of it so we’ll just say be safe! Make good choices! 

Capricorn

Chances are there’s one person who really helped get you through this year, and now is the time to thank them. With the full moon in lovey-dovey Cancer, you cant help but let that special someone in your life know that you literally could not have done this year without them. And yes, that special someone can be a cat. 

Aquarius

If there is one thing we’ve all learned to appreciate this year, it’s our health. No wonder you’re kicking off 2021 with a self-care journey, and for the first time in forever that doesn’t mean buying an expensive gym membership you never use and can’t get out of. Now if only your husband had gotten you a Peloton for Christmas…

Pisces 

Do you have a message for the world this New Year’s Eve? Don’t hold back! Chances are the start of the new year has your creative juices flowing, and you just can’t help but share your art with the world. And by art, we do mean a lip sync video on TikTok. Genius!

Images: Giphy

Thank you, Leo New Moon! This week we’re all getting a mega-dose of glam Leo energy, leading to a 100% chance of feeling the f*ck out of yourself. If the pandemic has had you feeling bloated/dusty/acne-prone, this is the week to bust out of that mentality. Sure, you may still be bloated, dusty, and acne-prone, but like Summer Roberts once said, it’s all about confidence, Cohen. Confidence.

Aries

That fire that’s always raging within you is getting even bigger this week, as the Leo New Moon pushes you to be bigger and better. That means more creativity, more risk-taking, and less f*cks to give. We’re genuinely scared for anyone foolish enough to try and stop you.

Taurus

Is there anything a Taurus loves more than getting their house in order? (Besides an enormous bowl of comfort food.) This week is all about domestic bliss, aka making your space as comfortable as it possibly can be. Don’t be afraid to rearrange your layout or Marie Kondo the f*ck out of your desk. Oh, and if you end up spending the entire week Zillow-scrolling and imagining yourself as a Selling Sunset broker, that’s fine too.

Gemini

Well hello Miss Popular! This week the world is literally obsessed with you. People are hanging on your every word, liking your every tweet, and commenting on your every ‘gram. It’s honestly exhausting, but such is the life of a celebrity. Just don’t forget the little people, k?

Cancer

New moon, new you! This week is all about opening yourself up to exciting new possibilities, even if they’re not quite what you’d envisioned for yourself. Newsflash: literally nothing is what anyone envisioned for themselves right now, so why not take a risk? While still following CDC guidelines, of course.

Leo

Leo…welcome to your moon! This week is all about celebrating yourself. Indulge in your favorite foods, post a sexy selfie, set aside time for your favorite workout (or give yourself the day off). It’s all about reminding yourself that you f*cking rule, even as the world is going to sh*t. That’s a pretty big accomplishment.

Virgo

What makes a Virgo tick? You’re about to find out. The Leo new moon has you diving deep into your own mind, and you may find yourself plagued by life’s most pressing questions. What is the meaning of life? What happens when you die? And most importantly…if I get an amazing tan in quarantine and no one is around to see it, did I really get a tan?

Libra

Team Libra, assemble! This week you are craving your crew as the Leo new moon puts you in the mood for some collaborative vibes. So strap that mask on your face, grab the biggest round towel you can find, and plan an outdoor hang with the ride-or-dies. You know, the ones who haven’t been posting pics of themselves at a party every other weekend. (**Cough** Kaylee **Cough**)

Scorpio

The Leo new moon has you seeing all the possibilities for your life, Scorpio. So what path do you want to take? Give credence to your daydreams and fantasies this week as they could be showing you your true life’s purpose (or that you’re just really horny and or hungry).

Sagittarius

Lay off the pressure, Sagittarius. You love to learn, but you also hate to be a beginner. This week, let yourself do something that—say it with me now—you’re not naturally good at. Pick up that dusty guitar, clean off those oil paints, or even *gasp* stretch your body. You’ll become an expert in no time (and then you can pretend it was always this way.)

Capricorn

Keep an eye out for an intriguing offer that could set you on a whole new life path. It may come in an unexpected way, or from an unexpected source, but it could be exactly the thing you need to get out of this pandemic rut. Oh, and pro tip: it’ll probably be something that kind of scares you.

Aquarius

Feeling distracted? Blame the new moon. Sorry to your boss, but this week your social and romantic lives are taking center stage, and your ability to concentrate on work is basically non-existent. Might as well go ahead and reschedule those Zoom meetings now…

Pisces

Yoga mat collecting dust in the corner of your room? Not anymore! The Leo new moon has you in the mood to sign up for a Zoom fitness class and then actually attend said class. Shocking, I know. Take advantage of this newfound desire for a healthy lifestyle and see if this whole “endorphins make you happy” thing actually holds up.