6 Celebrity Couples We’re Shocked Made It Through The Year

Every year, people say “this is the year of devastating celebrity breakups!” Look, we’re all really sad that Jenna Dewan and Channing Tatum didn’t work out, but 2018 was surprisingly a year of toxic couples staying together (???). Pete and Ariana obviously didn’t make it, but things have been weirdly stable other than that. For what it’s worth, when these couples actually break up, the fallout and drama will probably be incredible to watch. But for now, here are some of the most shocking celebrity couples that made it through 2018 (relatively) unscathed.

1. Tristan Thompson And Khloé Kardashian

Okay, this is an obvious one, because Tristan cheated on Khloé while she was pregnant. I’m sure that her family is trying to save face right now by pretending to get along with him, but it was obvious in recent KUWTK episodes that they despise him. I get that he’s 6’10”, makes really cute babies, is 6’10”, is extremely good looking, and is 6’10” (I’m terrified), but let’s not forget that Tristan cheated on Khloé while she was LITERALLY carrying his child.

He’s also been caught since the cheating scandal getting way too flirty with other chicks in public. I get that Khloé wants to try and work things out for the sake of True, but how can Tristan even look that adorable, mushy little baby in the eyes when her name is a reminder that honesty and loyalty clearly isn’t his forte? Also, never forget that Khloé and Tristan did that cringeworthy maternity photo shoot. Obviously, I blame him instead of her for that fiasco, because did I mention that Tristan cheated on Khloé when she was pregnant?

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Mommy and Daddy ???? @sashasamsonova

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2. Scott Disick And Sofia Richie

When Kourtney and Younes broke up, Sofia was in need of, like, a Pez dispenser full of Xanax. I love Sofia, but even after all this time, I can’t shake the feeling that Scott is only dating her to piss Kourtney off. Here’s what I’m thinking: Justin Bieber was Kourtney’s rebound after dumping Scott, and Sofia is Justin’s ex. What stings even more is that Sofia is Nicole Richie’s little sister, and Nicole and Kourtney basically grew up together. It was also recently discussed on KUWTK that Scott and Kourtney both want another baby. Someone even suggested that they just have another one together. Stranger things have happened.

Let’s not forget that Scott refuses to throw Sofia a follow on Instagram, and barely features her on his feed. Meanwhile, he’s in every other picture she posts and even had his face as her phone case at one point. This is not the sign of a balanced relationship. He’s also literally been photographed borderline cheating on her. I honestly think at this point he’s just staying with her to prove to Kourtney that he was dating Sofia out of love and not spite. Maybe Scott and Kourtney will get back together eventually, or maybe they won’t, but you’ll never convince me that they’re not both thinking about it.

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Happy Birthday babe! Thank you for being you.

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3. Justin Bieber And Hailey Baldwin

Did anyone see these two actually making it to the altar? No. Did everyone see them making it to a New York courthouse? Yes, but only in the sense of Justin getting into some legal drama and Hailey serving as a witness. None of us expected them to go their for their marriage license, because we all thought this engagement was a complete joke. Sources close to them justified the engagement by saying she had made him happy for the last three weeks of dating, so they decided to get engaged. They also said he was planning on proposing to her for weeks. How can you be with someone for three weeks and plan on proposing to them for weeks? The math just doesn’t make sense!

Fans try to justify it by saying “they got back together” but um, not really. In the past, they were casually dating and hooking up from time to time, but nothing official. Selena was the one who Justin wrote all those songs about and kept pursuing. He even convinced her to break up with The Weeknd. Yet Hailey’s The One? A part of me will always believe that Justin and Selena belong together. Sorry Hailey, but Justin can only keep up these thirsty Instagram comments for so long.

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You guuys. #CommentsByCelebs

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4. Emily Ratajkowski And Sebastian Bear-McClard

How is this marriage still a thing? He was her rebound after a three-year relationship. They knew each other for, like, five seconds before getting engaged. Sebastian even proposed with a ring that he made out of a paper clip. They also made it on our trashiest weddings list because they deprived us all of seeing Emily go all-out-influencer for her wedding. Also, it would’ve been dope to see Emily play the field for a while. In terms of her charisma and disposition, she seems like she has major Rihanna vibes. She’s a bad b*tch, and it’s a shame we didn’t get to see her single phase.

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Ewwwww ❤️

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5. Jax Taylor And Brittany Cartwright

All right, allow me to paint you a picture of an actual adult male: he has had numerous affairs with women besides his significant other, an affair with a porn star, adamantly lied about said affair with this porn star at the expense of others, has a sh*tty fake tan, and is a reality star. I’m talking about Jax Taylor. This guy is clearly never going to be monogamous. Whenever I tell someone that I write about Vanderpump Rules, eight times out of ten they will tell me that they know someone that’s hooked up with Jax. That’s not a great track record, I gotta say. Brittany seems sweet, and I just don’t want her to get hurt by Jax more than she already has. Whatever, it’s her life, but he’s a 39-year-old man, and it seems unlikely that he’s going to change his ways at this point.

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Last night was amazing and to top it off I woke up to 1 million followers! This is unbelievable to me!!! Thank you guys so much for following my journey & supporting me, it means so much!! ???? – Always remember to smile, stay positive, and spread the love! ❤️❤️❤️ Happy Monday!

A post shared by Brittany Cartwright???? (@brittany) on

6. Mod Sun And Bella Thorne

In a lot of ways, Mod Sun and Bella Thorne are perfect for each other. They’re obnoxious, questionably talented, and a lot of people find them nauseating. But they’re like the Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne of America. They’re totally a perfect match because they’re the only people on the planet who could tolerate each other. Bella Thorne is what would’ve happened had I never stopped my “double vodka Red Bulls and whipped cream flavored vodka, make out with five guys in one night, scream-sing all the words to “Caribou Lou” by Tech N9ne” phase. But unlike me, Bella still has time to grow out of her questionable phase considering she’s barely legal.

Mod Sun, on the other hand, is 31. He’s a full adult. His tattoo situation makes him look like the doodles of a 7th-grader, if that kid also spent his time shoplifting from Hot Topic and doing whippits. And did I mention they named their dog Tampon? Is it supposed to be ironic that the most unhygienic couple on the planet named their dog after a feminine hygiene product? Or are they just trying to be obnoxious? Who’s to say? Either way, I have a lot of questions here.

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As a doll, I’m f**king infamous! I’m one of the most notorious slashers in history! And I don’t wanna give that up. I am Chucky, the killer doll! And I dig it!”

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But congrats to all these happy couples for making it through the dumpster fire that was 2018! Can’t wait to see who will break up and who will get prematurely engaged next year.

Images: @khloekardashian / Instagram; @sofiarichie / Instagram; @commentsbycelebs / Instagram; @emrata / Instagram; @brittany / Instagram; @bellathorne / Instagram

Kourtney Kardashian Was Spotted With A Sale Section Younes Bendjima

I didn’t think it could happen, but Kourtney Kardashian’s love life is getting even more interesting. Last week, I wrote about how Kourtney has been hanging out with Luka Sabbat, who is half her age, but somehow, things have gotten even stranger. She’s still been seen out and about with Luka as recently as Wednesday night, but it appears that a new man has come onto the scene as well. We don’t know who he is (or how old he is), but we do know one very important thing: he looks exactly like Younes Bendjima.

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#kimkardashian #kimwest #kimkardashianwest #northwest #saintwest #chicagowest #kanyewest #yeezy #kourtneykardashian #masondisick #penelopedisick #reigndisick #scottdisick #khloekardashian #krisjenner #kendalljenner #kyliejenner #stormiwebster #truethompson #sofiarichie #tristanthompson

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We don’t really know anything about this new mystery man, except that he’s obviously Kourtney’s type. The two were seen on Tuesday afternoon getting green juice at Albert’s Tea in West Hollywood, so it’s nice that Kourtney is still finding young, hot guys to enjoy health food with her. He’s about two heads taller than Kourtney, so she looks even tinier than usual. (That’s the real #relationshipgoals.) He’s also wearing $1,600 Maison Margiela sneakers, so either he has money, or he’s already getting Kourt to buy him nice presents. Okay seriously, this man looks so much like Younes it’s driving me crazy. Why is Kourtney doing this to us? Is she trying to make Younes jealous? Is he actually Younes’ brother? Can I date him? I have 75 million questions. I should commission 50 Cent to write a song about it.

For quick reference. here’s a reminder of what Younes looks like:

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I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse @capripalace

A post shared by Younes Bendjima (@younesbendjima) on

ARE. THEY. TWINS??? Not gonna lie, I kind of feel like Kourtney put out a casting call for Younes Bendjima look-alikes just so she could f*ck with the media. But whatever, I’m having fun. Are you?

Also, what is happening with Luka Sabbat? He and Kourtney have been hanging out quite a bit over the past couple weeks, but who knows where that’s going. I guess with a cool 20-year-old, you can’t make things exclusive too quickly. Probably for the best. He seems busy, and also he’s young enough to be her son. For now, it seems like Kourtney is just trying to have fun and enjoy her life, and I’m not mad about it. Whether it’s with Younes, or Luka, or Younes 2.0 The Remix, I just want the best for Kourtney.

Images: @xdailydashx / Instagram; @younesbendjima / Instagram

Kourtney Kardashian’s New Man Is Even Younger Than Younes Bendjima

Kourtney Kardashian has always had a thing for younger guys, and it looks like she won’t be changing her ways anytime soon. In fact, in the wake of her split with Younes Bendjima, she’s going even younger. Recently, she’s been seen hanging out with Luka Sabbat, who is 20 years old. That’s right, Kourtney Kardashian’s new man is literally half her age. I can’t wait to see what Kim has to say about this on next season of Keeping Up.

Luka was at the annual Kardashian Labor Day party earlier this month, and he and Kourtney have recently been seen out together. Last Friday, they ate together at The Nice Guy in LA, which anyone who Keeps Up knows is a ritual for any Kardashian-adjacent relationship. The next night, they attended the opening of TAO Nightclub in Chicago, where they reportedly spent the whole night together. Apparently everyone is just ignoring the fact that Luka is not even old enough to get into a normal nightclub. (Sidenote, I love that the Kardashians are still, like, required by law to attend every TAO event ever, no matter how famous they get.) Kourtney and Luka have clearly been enjoying their time together, though it’s not clear what two people with a two-decade age difference could talk about for more than like, 35 minutes.

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#iwanna have a water on the rocks

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So who is Luka Sabbat? Basically, he’s a model/actor. He currently stars in the ABC show Grown-ish, where he plays a fashionable stoner who is creatively named Luca. So basically he’s playing himself. I’m not sure what his formal modeling resume includes, but his Instagram is full of outfits that look like he raided his older sister’s closet with a blindfold on, so I guess that’s what fashion is now. I feel old. I’m not gonna lie, I’m having a hard time with this.

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Coachella was too meta, I’m sorry.

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*Quick reminder that Luka was literally five years old when Paris Hilton’s sex tape came out.*

So how did Kourtney meet someone half her age who is into the fashion scene? The answer is pretty obvious when you think about it. A source told E! News that Luka was in Kendall Jenner’s friend group, and that’s how Kourtney originally met him. She was obviously with Younes at the time, so things stayed platonic for a long time, but recently they’ve been spending more time together. So just through the power of math and logic, we can assume Luka was an actual teenager when Kourtney first met him. Um, can I be the first to say: yikes?? How would you feel if you couldn’t bring your 20-year-old friends around your 40-YEAR-OLD SIBLING because they’d end up dating? Do you think Scott and Kourtney wingman for each other at this point?

The sources say that Kourtney isn’t looking for anything serious right now, but that she definitely wants to spend more time with Luka. So basically, I give it three weeks before we see photos of Luka on vacation with Kourtney’s kids. Honestly, I think Kourtney Kardashian and Leonardo DiCaprio need to join a support group for people who like to exclusively date models half their age. Oh, and Scott Disick can come too, because Sofia Richie is still six months younger than Luka. Am I missing something? Should I make my Hinge preferences younger?

Images: lukasabbat (2) / Instagram

Jax Taylor Saw Younes Bendjima At The Gym And Had No Chill About It

As you can probably tell from 90% of the stuff I write on this site, I spend most of my waking hours thinking about celebrities. It’s just a way of life at this point. These days, there’s nothing that gets me more excited than an unexpected celeb connection. Lindsay Lohan hanging out with Tiffany Trump in Mykonos? Sign me up. Miley Cyrus’ little sister Noah dating a SoundCloud rapper whose entire persona is based on Xanax? I’m obsessed. But today, my friends, the celeb connection tea is exceptionally good: Jax Taylor and Younes Bendjima go to the same gym, and Jax has absolutely no chill about it.

And how do we know this? Of course, because Jax saw Younes at the gym and immediately posted an Insta story about it. Here it is, in all its glory:

Let me begin by pointing out that Jax has no clue how capitalization works or how to spell Fiji. Whether it’s the delicious artesian water, the island nation in the South Pacific, or the #1 try-hard frat in America, it’s just never spelled Figi. Also, just to be petty, Diamond Water is something completely different. AND it was started by one of the girls on Shahs of Sunset, which airs on the same network as Vanderpump Rules, so I’m just disappointed in Jax. (Also disappointed in Younes for not having a reusable water bottle #savetheturtles.)

All of my gripes about Jax’s limited knowledge of premium bottled water brands aside, I’m living for the messiness of this Insta story. Here’s the thing. Among real celebrities, I feel like there’s a sort of unspoken code about how you don’t roast your fellow famous people without good reason. Like, if you’re a reality TV star at the gym in West Hollywood and you see another person with over a million followers on Instagram, you’re supposed to just nod your head in their direction and go back to staring at yourself in the mirror. Not Jax Taylor!

Instead, Jax did what us normal people do: pretend we’re taking a selfie so we can actually creepily take a photo of someone more interesting. (Now I’m having a flashback to the time that I tried to take a stealthy photo of a couple going to second base on the subway and the flash was on. After several months of soul-searching, my embarrassment is starting to subside, thanks for asking.) I really don’t have a problem with the fact that Jax took the photo, but the caption is definitely kind of mean. Like, all Younes wants to do is waste a few hours scrolling through his phone at the gym, and Jax is fully making fun of him for getting dumped. I’m sure that Younes isn’t thrilled that he doesn’t get to use Kourtney’s beautiful private gym anymore, but just let him be.

Wait, why am I acting surprised that Jax did something questionable? I never learn.

Really, I highly doubt that Younes will ever see this Insta story. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’s into watching stories, and he probably has no clue who Jax Taylor is. Also, I’m sure he’s way too busy with…wait, what does Younes actually do? Sounds like another investigation for another day.

Images: @mrjaxtaylor / Instagram

Will Scott And Kourtney Get Back Together? The Lord Has Spoken

I’m officially canceling all of my commitments for the rest of the week, because this drama with Younes Bendjima is just too good. The other day, it was reported that Younes and Kourtney Kardashian broke up, which was a little sad, but ultimately not that surprising. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. I was honestly kind of over them as a couple, so the actual breakup didn’t affect me that much. But then, the shady Instagram comments. Silly me, I should have known the Kardashian family would find a way to get me invested in this one way or another.

While Kim and Khloé have made their feelings about Younes pretty clear in the comment section, there was one key player we still needed to hear from: the Lord himself, Scott Disick. Just because Scott is Kourtney’s ex and the father of her children, he obviously has no say in what she does in her love life. As a glorious asshole of a human, however, I am always curious about what he has to say. So far, he’s refrained from any public comments on the matter, but an E! News source claims to know how Scott feels about the whole thing and…

He feels great! According to the source, “Scott is very happy Kourtney cut it off with Younes. Although he is happy in his relationship with Sofia, he never liked Younes for Kourtney.” Interesting. Veeeery interesting. Is this Scott being an insecure man who still jealousy issues about his ex? Does he know something that makes him actually dislike Younes? Is he *really* happy with Sofia? So! Many! Questions!

Really, I think it’s unlikely that Kourtney and Scott will ever get back together. After so many false starts and traumatic breakups over the years, it seems like they’re just better off not being together. In the past few years, it seems like they’re really gotten to a point where they can (mostly) get along and focus on being the best possible parents to their three kids. Also, we can’t forget that Scott has been in an actual relationship for like a year, so it’s not like he’s just available for Kourtney anyway.

As if there weren’t already enough layers to this story, now let’s think back four days to the new season premiere of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Why is life moving so fast? In the episode, which was filmed last fall, Khloé asks Scott if he thinks that he and Kourtney will ever get back together, like maybe in a few years. Now, I thought this scene was weird from the moment it aired. First of all, both Scott and Kourtney were in committed relationships at the time of the conversation. On the show, they weirdly don’t mention Sofia or Younes by name, but Scott was basically like, “um, I’m happy in a relationship.” I feel like this is a clear example of Khloé trying to make a storyline out of nothing, and if anything, it seems like she should be having this conversation with Kourtney, not Scott. Scott did say that they used to talk about trying to get back together when they were in their 40s or something, but it doesn’t seem like something he’s seriously considering right now.

I hope Kourtney is happy and feels fine about the end of her relationship, but I doubt a reunion with Scott is coming any time soon. There are plenty of other hot younger men out there, so there’s no real reason she needs to go back for round 4 (5? 6? I can’t keep track) with Lord Disick.

Images: Giphy (2)

Younes Bendjima Publicly Slut-Shamed Kourtney Kardashian & It’s Not OK

Well fam, I’ve got bad news. My file folder of men who are trash is looking pretty full these days, but I might have to make room for one more. He might be the hottest of the Kardashian-adjacent men, but, reportedly, Younes Bendjima slut-shamed Kourtney Kardashian on her Instagram, and that’s just unacceptable. I’m so mad. I knew he was too good to be true. No one with abs like that should ever be trusted, and that’s that.

This whole debacle reportedly happened on Monday, when Kourtney Kardashian posted a photo of herself looking like a damn SNACK. It’s a classic sit-on-your-knees-in-a-field-and-look-back-at-the-camera shot, and she looks natural and stunning in a floral bikini and floppy sunhat that’s about three times bigger than her torso. Seriously, Kourtney is not wearing any makeup, and I can’t get over how pretty and happy she looks. Like, I just want the world for her. Lots of celebs agreed in the comments, with people like Bella Hadid, Travis Barker, and Diplo commenting lots of praise. Okay, Diplo is kind of a sleaze bag, but you get the point, Kourtney looks hot.

don’t be shady, be a lady☀️

A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on

Okay, so I forgot to mention the part where Kourtney’s ass is the main focus of the picture, but who f*cking cares? It’s 2018. If you’re offended by a picture of a butt, you should probably just stay off the internet. Well, Younes Bendjima might want to deactivate for a bit, because apparently he’s not ready for this jelly. (“Bootylicious” is the song of our generation, don’t @ me.) Younes commented on the photo, criticizing Kourtney’s thirst for likes, before deleting the comment later. Lucky for us, screenshots exist, leaving us with proof that Younes sucks.

Are you actually kidding me? First of all, Younes, your girlfriend is hot as hell. You love to show off your body on Instagram, so why shouldn’t she? This isn’t the 1800s, grow up. Also, if you have issues with what your significant other is posting on social media, perhaps you should deal with that in a forum other than public comments. Kourtney has 65 million followers, do you really want all of them to know that you’re a misogynistic douche? You know you could, like, text her, right?

But wait, the plot thickens. According to an anonymous source who allegedly knows Kourtney and Younes, this isn’t the first time he’s expressed frustration with Kourtney’s social media presence. The source told People, “He never liked that she posted sexy pictures of herself on social media. He doesn’t want his girlfriend to do that. He gets that it’s her job, but wants her to post more covered up pictures. He has always had a problem with this. This is the stuff they argue about and what made them split in the past.”

Oh, f*ck all the way off. If this is true, Younes is so effing canceled. “He gets that it’s her job?” How about, she’s an adult woman who can post whatever she wants, whether it’s her job or not! She could post a video of her having a threesome with Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra, and the only problem I’d have is that I wasn’t invited. @Younes, you don’t get to police Kourtney’s actions!!

So yeah, Younes and Kourtney just spent an amazing few weeks together in Italy, and it seems like they’re still happily together, but this slut-shaming needs to stop ASAP. Kourtney can stay with Younes if she wants, whatever makes her happy, but she shouldn’t have to put up with a man who can’t put away his bullsh*t ideas of what women should and shouldn’t do.

Images: @kourtneykardash / Instagram (2); Giphy

All The Issues Penelope Disick Will Need To Discuss With Her Therapist

For all the shit that we talk about the Kardashians, we tend to leave the kids out of it. That’s partially because we’re semi-decent humans who don’t need to drag toddlers, but they’re also just not that interesting. Up until now, the next generation of KarJenners have mostly been used as plot devices, rather than actual characters on the shows. That’s fine, but I think it’s time that we start paying a little more attention to these kids. Namely, how fucked up they’re going to be from growing up in such a psychotic family environment.

Well, July 8th is Penelope Disick’s sixth birthday (fuck, I feel old), so let’s give her some much-needed attention. Of course, Penelope’s family loves her and spoils her every chance they get, but they’ve also probably caused her a great deal of emotional torment. I don’t really know if Penelope is old enough to be in therapy yet (I didn’t really pay attention during my psych class in college), but she’ll definitely need it sooner or later. I mean, we all probably need therapy because of our parents—Penelope’s family is just a little more… how do I say this… eccentric. So yeah, these are all the top things Penelope Disick will probably be discussing with her therapist, though I’m sure there a lot more things we don’t even know about.

1. The Cameras Everywhere

Penelope has been around the reality TV cameras for literally her entire life, which is probably enough to fuck her up forever. Yeah, I guess she’s probably used to it, but no child is really supposed to grow up with an E! producer camped out in their garage 24/7.

Had to go check on my castle yesterday.

A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on

2. Her Parents’ Relationship

I mean…yikes. For years, it was documented on KUWTK how Scott and Kourtney basically hated each other and had the world’s most toxic relationship. Regardless, they managed to stay together long enough to have three kids, so yay for the miracle of life. Now, Scott and Kourtney have thankfully given up on their tragedy of a relationship, but there’s a looooot of history there. Even if they keep it civil around the kids, no one fully recovers from parents that fully hate each other, especially when you can watch it all play out on TV.

3. Her Parents’ Dating Habits

First, Scott’s taste in women cannot be healthy for Penelope. Of course, Scott is an adult who can date whoever he wants, as long as they’re not, like, evil to his kids, but his choices are more age-appropriate as babysitters than potential stepmothers, God, just imagine Bella Thorne waking up in the morning to pack lunches for Scott’s kids. She would probably be that mom who accidentally packs her kids a Four Loko with lunch. Sofia Richie seems like she might be responsible, but she’s still only like, 9 years older than Mason, so that’s gonna be a no from me. And let’s not get it twisted, Younes is no better in terms of age-appropriateness. It’s bad enough when one of your parents pulls a mid-life crisis and starts exclusively dating people half their age, but could you imagine if BOTH parents were doing that simultaneously?? It would be enough to make me pull a Chutney Windham.

4. The Aunts & Uncles

Oh god, there is just too much to even unpack here. Why did Aunt Kylie have to hide in her house for nine months? Why did Aunt Khloé stay with the bad man who made out with another lady? Who is Uncle Rob and how come nobody is allowed to talk about him? This is, um, going to take a lot of therapy. I love this family, but Jesus Christ are they fucked up.


A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on

5. Her Middle Name

I don’t know if you know this, but Penelope’s middle name is Scotland. SCOTLAND! Like the country! Apparently, E! reports that it was actually Kris who suggested the middle name of Scotland (!!), but it’s literally unbelievable to me that Scott didn’t come up with it as some sort of weird homage to himself. The man calls himself The Lord—if you think for one second he had nothing to do with this, I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you. If Penelope were a normal kid, she could just spend most of her youth refusing to tell people her middle name, but it’s all over the internet, so she’s just going to have to talk to a professional about how her dad’s narcissism is evident even in her naming.

But uh… happy birthday Penelope! Hope that E! health insurance plan covers offers some good benefits.
Images: @kourtneykardash / Instagram (3)

Every Single Vacation Kourtney Kardashian Has Gone On Since January

In a good year, I might take three vacations, and at least one of them is to visit my parents. Shockingly, Kourtney Kardashian and I live very different lives. The eldest Kardashian sister has a passion for travel, and she’s really never not on vacation. Literally, Kourtney Kardashian went on vacation more than 10 times SINCE JANUARY alone, which I think is more than the amount of times I have received a pay check. *Takes deep, calming breaths* Anyway. Her Instagram feed is basically just a vacation blog at this point, because she’s only in LA for like one out of every 10 photos. Seriously, who takes care of her kids, and don’t say that it’s Scott and teenage step mommy Sofia Richie, because I don’t believe that for a second. They must have the best nannies in the world, and they should get a reality show please and thank you.

Since the start of 2018, Kourtney has gone on no less than 11 trips/vacations, totaling more than a month of total travel time. Kourtney Kardashian takes vacations like I take my birth control. Someone please give me a reality show ASAP, because I would love to be on vacation for 25% of my life. Some of her trips are with her boyfriend, Younes, and others are with her kids or her sisters, but sometimes it’s a complete mystery. Maybe she goes alone and just asks randos to take pictures of her? It’s probably that. Here are all of the places Kourt has been so far this year, and yes I am jealous.

January 6-9: Park City, Utah

ski selfie

A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on

Kourtney kicked off her 2018 with a ski vacation in Deer Valley Resort in Utah, where she was joined by her kids. It seems like her kids don’t usually get to come on her trips, so it’s fun that she didn’t leave them at home with Scott this time. Deer Valley isn’t cheap, and the best accommodations are thousands of dollars a night. Never forget the ski trip episode of KUWTK when they took Kim’s Blackberry and threw it down the stairs. I fucking love this family.

January 23-25: Punta de Mita, Mexico

it’s the simple things

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Literally weeks later, Kourtney Kardashian went on vacation to Mexico, where she spent a fun few days hanging out in Punta de Mita, which I’ve never heard of, but it looks amazing. She’s alone in all the photos, so it’s unclear who she went with, but she looked hot. Also, she tagged her hotel in every photo she posted, so it’s safe to say she didn’t pay for anything on this trip. If you want to stay at the Imanta Resort like Kourtney, you’ll be spending at least $765 a night for the cheapest room. Also she captioned one of her instas “guac is extra” so make that $768.

February 4-5: New York City

Kourtney & Co.

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Kourt popped up to NYC for a couple days, where she had breakfast at Tiffany’s with Penelope and North. It was just the three ladies for the weekend, with Kim and the other kids nowhere to be seen. This would be a cute idea, if it didn’t seem like North hates Penelope from all the photos. Maybe North just hates everyone, not like I can relate. Also, I feel like going to the new cafe at Tiffany’s is the NYC nicegirl move of 2018.

February 18: Skiing (Again)

guess who

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Kourtney gave absolutely no context for this photo, but I’m just going to assume that she was skiing on February 18. Usually she’s not so cryptic about her trips, but there’s not much info here. I’m hoping that she’s sitting in between Scott and Younes and that they finally had a threesome, but it’s probably just two randos that we wouldn’t even care about. No matter who else is in the picture, flying somewhere to ski just for the day is so Kourtney Kardashian.

February 26-March 4: Japan


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The Kardashian sisters took a big vacation to Japan as Khloé’s “babymoon,” which is A) not a thing and B) really not a fucking thing. Nevertheless, I am still very jealous of the week they spent exploring Tokyo and Kyoto. Kourtney served some major looks while she was in Japan, and tbh “Tokyo Kourtney” would be my ideal character if I was designing a video game. Remember back when we could appreciate Khloé’s pregnancy without knowing about the cheating shit storm that was to come? Those were the days.

April 2-3: Big Sur

I think I found the Big Bad Wolf ????

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There’s no better way to emphasize Kourtney’s tinyness than hanging out with the literal biggest trees on the planet. I’m glad Kourt took some time to connect with nature, but seeing her in a flannel feels very wrong. Like, where is all the skin? Whatever, Kourtney was really feeling her Northern California vibe for the two days that she was there, and I would absolutely do the same thing.

April 4: San Francisco

me and the sunset

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After living her Big Little Lies fantasy in Big Sur for a couple days, Kourt headed north to San Francisco, where she wore some unfortunate jeans while it was clearly too cold to be at the beach. Kourtney’s Nor-Cal fashion game is giving me a headache, so thank god she usually vacations in sunnier places. I also can’t really picture her in San Francisco, because I feel like she would just be complaining the whole time about how it’s not LA.

April 8-11: Turks & Caicos


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Post-Japan, Kourtney and Kim hung out in Turks & Caicos for a few days, while Khloé was trapped in Cleveland with the fucking devil Tristan Thompson. Kourt posted one Insta where she’s sitting on a bar and wearing a Chanel fanny pack, which is everything I want out of 2018. Seriously, she is so hot. I also need to know how many tries this perfect surfboard photo took, because I would absolutely tip over into the water 17 times.

April 18-20: Random Trailer

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For Kourtney’s 39th birthday, Younes surprised her with a little getaway to a luxury Airstream trailer somewhere in Malibu. Usually I wouldn’t put the words “luxury” and “trailer” in the same sentence, but this place looks incredible. Brb, sending screenshots of this to the guy I’m talking to just as a little hint of what I want for my birthday. Also, again Kourtney, wtf are those jeans, and why?

April 24-25: Washington DC

fun fact : the plantings of cherry blossoms originated in 1912 as a gift of friendship to the People of the United States from the People of Japan ???? ????

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Okay, so this wasn’t truly a vacation, but someone else had to watch her kids for a couple days so it counts. Kourt went to Washington to speak before congress about chemicals in shampoo or some shit like that, and she did some sightseeing while she was in the nation’s capital. She was there to see the famous cherry blossoms, and also posted a photo at the Lincoln Memorial. Praise be to Kourtney Kardashian, queen of flowers and also of history. She does it all!

May 6-8: Canyon Point, Utah


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As I write this, Kourtney is probably getting dirt all over her Yeezys in some canyon in Utah. She surprised Younes with a trip to Utah for his 25th birthday, and it actually looks like a lot of fun. They’re staying at the Amangita Resort, which is a favorite of Kim’s (and also Kyle Richards stayed there like last week), and getting lots of good photo ops in front of the red rocks. This place will definitely be on my list once I’m in a position to take 32 vacations a year.

Images: Shutterstock; @kourtneykardash / Instagram (11)