Last week, Andy Cohen and
his band of minions other Bravo execs dropped the trailer for the new season of Real Housewives of Orange County, and, per usual, it looks fucking batshit and therefore amaze. Obvi. They also announced that there will be a new wife joining the crew this season and she will be the 100th “Real” Housewife of all time. Can we just take a minute and think about that? I mean, holy shit that seems like a lot. I can only think of like, 12 off the top of my head. JK. I know every last one of them, but still. It’s a fuck ton. And while most of the women who have come and gone can just stay gone because they were boring AF, there are a few who should def come back for the sake of reality TV. Here’s a list of our fave ex-Real Housewives who can def sit with us.
1. Heather Dubrow
So technically, we haven’t even felt the effects of queen Dubrow’s departure from RHOC yet since the first season without her doesn’t premiere until July. But I can already tell you it’s going to fucking suck. I don’t feel like I’m going out on a limb here when I say the women of Orange County are some of the trashiest of all the franchises. I mean, Tamara and Vicki? Gross. And Heather was the one shred of class the show had and now that’s gone. We always kinda wondered WTF Heather was doing hanging out with these trash bags, and now I guess she’s finally come to her senses. Maybe she and Terry will move to LA and she can join RHOBH—those betches seem more up her alley.
2. Nene Leakes
Nene is arguably one of the greatest housewives of all time. She’s funny AF, all-around fab and can read anyone who crosses her for absolute filth. YASSS girl! She left the show because she was splitting her time between the ATL, LA, and NY because she’s so awesome Hollywood and Broadway stole her away so she could have an actual career. Makes sense, I guess. Rumor has it she might be coming back to RHOA next season, so our wishes might actually come true.
3. Yolanda Foster
Tbh, Yolanda was kind of a snooze. I mean, how much of a grown woman frolicking in a lemon orchard can I even take? But we want her back because we want the inside scoop on her model kids Gigi, Bella, and Anwar. Fucking duh.
4. Dina Manzo
These days, RHONJ is all about Teresa and all her prison drama, but back in the day, Dina Manzo was the OG HBIC of NJ. That’s a lot of letters. She’s absolutely gorgeous and she doesn’t put up with people’s shit, both of which make her a true betch. Every season she’s a part of, there’s always at least one person thirsty to be her bestie (looking at you, Danielle) and given the mental state of the rest of the Jersey wives, it’s pretty easy to see why.
5. Brandi Glanville
Love her or hate her, Brandi was incredible television. She was always drunkenly outing some huge secret or throwing wine in someone’s face or something equally as dramatic and we all lived to see what crazy-ass thing she was going to next. All the wives of Beverly Hills are glad Brandi is gone, but even though RHOBH is still one of the best, it’s way less eventful without her. I mean, a whole season about whether or not Yolanda was lying about having Lyme disease? Yawn. We also owe Brandi for giving us the greatest show of all time: Vanderpump Rules. Look, I get that it’s my namesake’s restaurant but it all started with the epic Brandi/Scheana confrontation. So thank you, Ms. Glanville.
6. Kim Zolciak
Sure, she has her own show on Bravo where we can see her, her big booty husband and their 27 children pretend to be just like us. But it’s not the same as watching Kim get her wig pulled and called a trash box by Nene. Sorry, but those are the facts. Kim and Nene were the two stars of RHOA in the early years, regardless of whether they were the best of friends or literally wanted to kill each other. Both were entertaining AF. Like Nene, rumors have been swirling around that Kim might come back next season which would be the best housewife return since Bethenny in NY.
7. Heather Thomson
I can admit that Heather yelling “Holla!” every five seconds was pretty fucking annoying, but other than that, she was a badass betch. She was Puff Daddy’s right hand girl at Sean John before starting her own company, Yummy Tummy, which is pretty much exactly like Spanx. She was also Carole’s bestie on the show and they can def both sit with us. Heather wasn’t super into the drama, but she did specialize in calling Luann out for fucking a married dude on vacay. And anyone who shits on Luann is cool with me.
8. Camille Grammer
After being the biggest housewife villain of all time in RHOBH’s first season, Camille really mellowed out and became a little boring. But we’d take back season one Camille in a heartbeat. She was conceited AF, threw a v dramatic dinner party and made a cool $30 mill divorcing her fuckboy of a husband, Kelsey Grammer. You go, Glen Coco!
Remember when there was a pretty large discrepancy between the hotness of Gigi Hadid and Bella Hadid? Probably not because Bella Hadid got a nose job in approximately 2010—which was an era that predated Gigi Hadid—so unless you’re like a weird psycho crazy insane fan of the Hadid family (or David Foster), you might not recall that day and age.
For a while though, it was true. Gigi was the more successful sister, overshadowing Bella in just about everything. All of a sudden, the darker and more mysterious Hadid rose from the shadows, got a Dior campaign and started dating fuckboy The Weeknd. She landed the VS gig, dumped his ass, wore a lot of side boob (love), etc, etc, and here we are now. In a place where Bella Hadid might usurp her sister.
But, twist. Gigi is taking a page from Bella’s book and sporting darker tresses. Is it an effort to become more quote unquote edgy and less quote unquote boring? Did Zayn ask her to go darker to match his “emotions”? Did Yolanda do this? Where is Yolanda? Is Yolanda ok? Do you remember when Bella got a DUI when she was 17? I didn’t either, until I googled it.
Up next: Gigi Hadid wears army pants and flip flops because Bella wore army pants and flip flops. Keep a close eye on these two. And Anwar, for good measure.