The most important Instagram event of the year is finally here. I’m obviously talking about Coachella, the music festival that has practically just become a contest to see who can walk around the desert in 100 degree weather with the most shit glued to their head before they pass out. Coachella fashion is a tricky thing, because you’re pretty much required to wear as little clothing as possible, but also be really trendy, but also wear something that nobody else has ever worn before. Like buying an unlimited pass to a 6am spin class, dressing for Coachella is almost always just setting yourself up for failure. Of course there are always a few geniuses who actually get it right, so let’s take a moment to celebrate them and then shit on the people who clearly shopped for their outfits while blindfolded in the clearance section of Forever 21.
RiRi Is the best dressed wherever she goes, so this is literally the most unsurprising news of all time. This betch took the basic ripped shorts and tank top Coachella look but made it iconic. It’s funny that we all ripped on Justin Bobby for wearing combat boots to the beach on The Hills, but now that homegirl wore a full crystal Gucci bodysuit to the damn desert, everyone’s so down. Times change, I guess.
I saw Hailey Baldwin wearing army pants and a beaded bra thing, so I wore army pants and a beaded bra thing.
I’ll let the picstitch slide because this outfit is so good. Last year, matching shorts and crop top sets were a huge Coachella trend. This year, Hailee gave zero Fs, skipped the pants, and redefined matching set to mean a giant T-shirt and coordinating thigh-high boots.
You know when you’re getting dressed to go out, and sweatpants are all that fit you right now, so you actually genuinely consider it for a second? Well, Justine Skye literally did that at Coachella. Except, they’re holographic sweats with a body chain and a crop top, which I wouldn’t generally advise for anyone on an all carb diet—but for Justine, it’s working.
I never thought I’d miss the days when Katy Perry glued cupcakes to her tits, but here we are. She looks like she got locked out of a Macy’s dressing room while trying on a maid of honor dress after a Zumba class.
Selena usually slays, but apparently, she’s caught a bad case of “I just got a new boyfriend so now I’m going to dress like shit because I’m happy.” So boring. Just because Coachella happened during Easter doesn’t mean she can wear an outfit from the Sears Easter sale.
Paris Hilton wore a flower crown to Coachella. That’s social suicide. But I mean, I guess that’s what happens when you’re 36 and fucking clueless but trying to stay relevant. It’s kind of like those girls who were a few years older than you in high school and now post selfies from weird angles with the InstaSize watermark in the corner. It’s so sad to see someone who was once popular with great hair have such a tragic downfall. Oh well.
Kendall looks like she should be complaining about menopause over a pitcher of sangria with Samantha Jones in the first Sex and the City movie. This outfit just doesn’t look like it belongs at a festival where everyone else is like, dropping acid and wearing ripped fishnets and glitter.
Need to recover from Coachella? Read our tips here!