Calling all Bridezillas who get off on cutesy winter wonderland vibes: the WeddingWire Winter Wedding Trends list is now available to the masses! Because we want to help you make the least offensive wedding decisions possible, we’ve shared our opinions on which trends to follow and which ones to avoid like the plague. Maybe print this out for future reference.
WeddingWire says: From getting-ready attire for the wedding party to cozy blankets for the guests, this pattern is an on-trend winter staple.
We say: Methinks that if my first thought after seeing this “buffalo check” pattern is “oh, that reminds me of the flannel the dad in Making A Murderer was always wearing,” it’s probably a hard no for your wedding. This pattern is literally like, the JCC youth basketball team of fabrics. It’s nothing to be proud of and CERTAINLY nothing I’m down for my mother to photograph.
Elevated Yet Cozy Fireplace Mantels
WeddingWire says: Guests will feel like they’re at a five-star ski lodge while sipping drinks by the fireplace.
We say: I’m actually into this. Have you ever noticed that when people are sitting around a hotel fire, they don’t talk? Like, everyone collectively stares at the fireplace as if they are waiting for it to do something? I have, and I definitely see myself appreciating
an antisocial corner a fireplace when I’m tired of trying to make small talk with the strangers at my table.
Fil Coupé Detailing
WeddingWire says: Shimmery thread is being woven into eye-catching patterns on dresses from designers like Lazaro and Alexandra Grecco.
We say: Despite being totally uneducated when it comes to expensive fashion, especially expensive wedding fashion, I’m going to go ahead and trust WeddingWire that these “Lazaro” and “Alexandra Grecco” people are “admired in the industry” or whatever stoic fashion people say. Crazier wedding fashion risks have been taken (looking at you, see-through corset dresses), and the shimmery thread is a nice festive touch, so long as you don’t take it overboard and look like you got stuck in a spool of tinsel or stuck aluminum foil to your dress.
Custom Iced Sugar Cookies
WeddingWire says: Whether they’re served at the wedding, given as favors or included in welcome bags, they’re the perfect personalized treat.
We say: Sugar cookies were always THE dessert I’d flock to at sleepovers back in the day, so I’m happy to see that adults are not above them. I will literally shove anything (well, anything edible) into my mouth after a few cocktails, so I’m scared of what might happen when faced with my favorite childhood dessert. And the personalization aspect is cute and right in line with the general trend towards personalized weddings that we’ve been seeing lately. The only caveat I will give this trend is that if you’re serving it at the wedding, it’s got to supplement the cake and not replace it. What? I’m hungry after all that
Padded Headbands & Pearl Embellishments
WeddingWire says: Hair accessories are going glam this winter, adding glitz to dresses and suits alike.
We say: Right after we thought we’d put our Blair Waldorf days behind us, headbands are back in style again. Go figure. The trend seems to be “the more extra, the better”, so there’s a strong chance your kids will be asking why you were wearing a mini-helmet at your wedding, but that kind of goes for anything. At least it’s not a tiara or a flower crown.
Hot Drink Bars
WeddingWire says: Replacing the mimosa bar, hot toddy and hot chocolate bars will keep guests warm as temperatures drop.
We say: Let’s calm down with the “keeping guests warm as temperatures drop.” You know what will keep your guests the warmest? Keeping them inside. Can you imagine being freezing and then having someone trying to assure you with, “don’t worry, there’s hot chocolate!!!” No, bitch. I’m still cold. Nonetheless, it’s a cute and fun idea, just not an excuse to have your entire wedding outside in sub-zero temperatures.
Rusty Brown and Emerald Green
WeddingWire says: Nothing says winter quite like deep earth and jewel tones on attire, table linens and florals.
We say: I actually love this aesthetic for a wedding. The term “rusty brown” doesn’t exactly elicit classy, beautiful vibes, but that’s why you need to trust the experts sometimes. I mean, the pictures speak for themselves.
WeddingWire says: Iridescent décor elements incorporate an icy look on invitation suites, chargers, tablescapes and more.
We say: No, no, no, guys. Just because it is winter does not mean we are suddenly Elsa and Anna from Frozen on our WEDDING DAY! Iridescent “icy” designs are cute for like, your bachelorette party, but I cannot imagine who is incorporating this into their wedding planning unless their wedding also happens to be unicorn or mermaid themed (and if that’s the case, I’m not coming).
Maximalist Wedding Gowns
WeddingWire says: Minimalistic dresses are taking a backseat this winter while puffy sleeves and embellishments steal the show.
We say: I mean, wedding dresses always were and always will be “maximalist” simply considering, you know, that they are huge white gowns costing $5,000 and you’ll only wear it once—but yeah.
Florals Spray-Painted With Metallics
WeddingWire says: A nod to New Years’ favorite color palette, metallic paint adds dramatic shine to a bouquet or centerpiece.
We say: Can you imagine finding your place card at the wedding, sitting down, thinking “what’s that smell?” and then realizing it’s the bouquet of flowers in front of you because they are spray-painted the same way that offensive song lyric was spray-painted in that weird alleyway? DIY is cute for that kind of girl but I just…thought we were better than this.
I wish all of you winter wedding betches a lifetime of marital bliss. Sans the buffalo check, I hope!
Winter weddings can be a v betchy affair. First, you get to indulge in a season as cold as your heart. Second, you have the option of utilizing pine and spruce and other greenery without spending an arm and a leg on tropical flowers or boho flower crowns (hard pass, fam—this isn’t Coachella). You also have the option of surrounding yourself with faux fur and not being tacky. So here’s our not totally exhaustive but kinda close list of dos and don’ts for winter weddings.
Do: Be Bold With Color
Winter is not the time for fear pastels. Go bold with jewel tones in bridesmaids dresses, decor, flowers—whatever. Think about dark emerald greens, deep blues and teals, and maroons and reds. Sh*t, throw some metallic in for good measure, too, since this is the season you can get away with gold and silver accents without seeming weird. If you go with baby blues and lavenders, you and your entire wedding will look washed-out and sad. Remember: you’re pale, and we don’t want to draw attention to it.
Don’t: Leave Your Guests Outdoors
Honestly. Take the weather into consideration for every part of your day. Don’t have a receiving line outside if it’s 20 degrees. Don’t force everyone into an indoor/outdoor cocktail hour if there’s a good chance of there being snow on the ground. Don’t book a tent in the dead botanical garden for the reception thinking a few space heaters will do the trick. Winter views: yes. Frozen pinky toes and blue lips: no.
Do: Get Cozy
Once you head to the reception and cocktail hour, your guests are going to want to drink and be cozy. Accessorize couches, chairs, etc. with cozy faux fur throws, candles, and other winter sh*t. If you can somehow get an outdoor fire pit going, jazz snaps for you. Bonus points if you offer wool wraps and shawls for guests in the interim. Think of it as the more wintery classy version of giving flip-flops out at a spring or summer reception. Everyone will talk about how cool and nice you are.
Don’t: Leave Your Bridesmaids To Freeze
Your girls are likely going to be in sleeveless or near-sleeveless dresses. Buy them some shawls, homie, and keep them warm. No one looks cute shivering in pictures, and you all are going to be snapping photos for quite some time. Sh*t, if it snows, you know you’re going to want that captured on film for like, ever. So don’t be a douche and not take the wedding party into consideration. You could also go the route of long sleeved dresses, which, honestly, can be cute when they’re done right.
Do: Use Evergreens
‘Tis the season for eucalyptus, pine, spruce, and garlands of evergreen, and you don’t need a florist to incorporate that sh*t into your big day. Have the groomsmen cut pine boughs while they’re drunk bored or head to the craft store for seasonal greenery to spruce up your cocktail hour or reception space. Don’t be afraid, also, to incorporate sprigs of mistletoe into bouquets or boutonnieres. Considering it’s the dead of winter and not much else is alive, this gives you a great opportunity to be authentic with your plant décor. Speaking of which …
Don’t: Make Floral Mistakes
Because not a whole lot grows when it’s 15 degrees outside, don’t make the mistake of ordering florals that are wildly out of season for your big day. Love hydrangeas and orchids? Tough titties—pick something else. Not only will non-seasonal flowers look really out of place, they’ll also be outrageously expensive. Spend that money on alcohol and your shoes or whatever.
Do: Take The Weather Into Consideration
Your guests are making a promise (kinda) to travel for your big day. With a winter wedding comes the risk of blizzards, ice, freezing rain, and just generally crappy weather to drive or fly in. Take all this into account, and get insurance and a backup plan for your big day. Even if you just purchase a ton of trendy umbrellas and fur wraps, do SOMETHING to put yourself at ease if the worst happens.
Don’t: Make It Holiday Themed
Winter, yes. Seasonal, yes. Christmas or Hanukah or Kwanzaa themed, no. No one wants to walk into a winter wedding where Santa makes an appearance or a menorah is lit during dinner. Opt for a classy winter theme with elements of the season like metallic ornaments, candles, evergreens, and snow. Please note, that does not include fake snow falling from the ceiling or thrown on you outside the reception. That’s tacky, and I hate it.
Images: Sweet Ice Cream Photography / Unsplash; Giphy (3)
The idea that destination weddings are not the most convenient for your guests isn’t new, but people keep having them, so I guess it’s time I say my piece. It’s not that I’ve never wanted to go to Bermuda. It isn’t that I find The Maldives anything but quaint. It totally isn’t that I’m not looking forward to a 10 hour flight with two layovers on the way for a two-day total trip. It definitely isn’t that I don’t want to spend $1,000 just to get to the wedding of a couple I am v lukewarm about anyway.
Destination weddings are parties meant to alienate your friends and family. No offense, but it’s true. If your wedding involves a location that a) is hard to get a direct flight to; b) is impossible or extremely difficult to drive to; or c) involves really expensive hotels or resorts REGARDLESS of season, you’re planning a fucking destination wedding.
If you demand everyone travel for your special day, let’s get a few things straight about what’s going through your guests’ heads.
1. You Were Clearly Trying To Weed Out
The Unwanted Guests
I FEEL YOU. Really, I do. Destination weddings are the best way to weed out my least favorite thing: KIDS! If you think about it, though, don’t you think it’s, like, kinda sad to ensure Great Aunt Gertrude can’t come because she shits herself at the sight of a plane? Or like, aren’t you kinda telling all the people who can’t afford a $600 flight and $300/night hotel to go fuck themselves? I get it—I love being mean. But stay woke about what you’re doing.
2. I Love You, But Bot THAT Much
Girl, we’ve been friends for years, but fuck you for making me hop three planes, pay $6 in the airport for a Cinnabon so I didn’t pass out, live in a hotel for a few days, and then watch you get drunk and say some things to another person. I love you, but, also, fuck you.
3. I Don’t Want To Get You A Gift, Too
I feel SUPER rude for not getting you a gift, but you aren’t worth a $2,000 trip AND $200 worth of towels for your guest bathroom. Sister is trying to save up for that new pair of Louboutins.
4. It’s Not Even A Real Vacation
Like, don’t get me wrong—if you invite me to your destination wedding on St. Jamaica-Tropez-Bartholomew in the Indian Ocean, it should count as a vacay. But the thing is, it won’t be. If I’m IN the wedding, my day(s) will be taken up with wedding shit. If I’m not, now I’m trapped on an island waiting for wedding stuff to commence. My typical vacays consist of laying around, sunning my pale, round body, and drinking heavily. This will only check one of those boxes.
5. I Don’t have Unlimited Days Off
I wish I did. But, I don’t. And what I REALLY don’t have is two days to spare for travel, two days to spare for your big day, and one day to fucking readjust my body after drinking somewhere with a huge time difference. Life is hard.
6. I Will Literally Be Trapped On An Island For God Knows How Long
I totally love your fam, but not trapped-on-an-island love them. What if my plus one can’t come? What if my flight gets delayed? What if there’s a hurricane? (Why did I just describe the atmosphere of Fyre Festival?) It’s not like I can spend any of my time with you since you, like, had the nerve to get married this weekend. You’re literally so rude.
7. I’ll Get To Spend Five Minutes With You
Yah, I’m going to see you for all of 30 seconds when you and your now-hubby make the rounds to thank everyone for coming. Then I’m going to sit and drink my probs rum-based drink and eat my expensive hamburger alone, sadly.
Bottom line: Go get married somewhere cool, but don’t expect your guests to like it or attend. Shit, we may not even send gifts if we’re, like, mad.
Images: Anne Edgar / Unsplash; Giphy (5)
So you’re having a winter wedding. Pause for a slow cap at how basic you really are and how clearly you stand out from the pack of spring and autumn brides. Well, basic but daring. You’re playing with fire—err, ice—waiting to see if a blizzard hits on your super special day. How do you know ice won’t prevent gramma and grampa from getting on their flight? What if sleet totally ruins your plans for the outdoor hot cocoa table?
Regardless of what nature throws at you, your winter wedding won’t even be worth having if you have or do these unforgivable and overly basic things.
1. A Cape
You aren’t a Disney princess or a princess, period. You’re a bride. Capes belong in children’s movies and odd fantasy films. Get a faux fur wrap and knock it off.
2. Icicle Lights In Any Capacity
This is not your neighbor’s front yard—it’s a goddamn classy wedding. Don’t hang these from the ceiling. Don’t use them with tacky purple uplighting. Don’t even use them to strangle a bridesmaid.
3. Ornaments As Decor
No! Unadorned and carefully crafted mini pine trees are okay for some greenery, but adding in shiny ornaments of multiple colors leaves way too much room for interpretation. Chances are, your design likes aren’t going to be the same as your helper’s/wedding planner’s.
4. Fake Snow
Ew! What is this, a ski lodge in Florida? If you happen to be #blessed with real snow on your wedding day, embrace it. Otherwise, don’t try to replicate. It’s tacky, like you.
5. Red Roses
Nope. We’ve told you before that red roses are basic gas station flowers and have no place in your wedding, PERIOD. If it’s red flowers you want, opt for something interesting like cockscomb (LOL) or even tea roses. Just plz don’t go the red rose route.
I shouldn’t even have to explain this one. If your idea of fun is getting the groom’s drunk and v creepy uncle to dress up as Santa and “entertain” the group, you don’t deserve my presence or a gift. Santa belongs in the shopping malls of America and in the imaginations of children younger than 10. Outside that, he becomes v off-putting.
7. Candy Canes
Unless they’re v tastefully placed in my v alcoholic eggnog, I don’t wanna see any goddamn candy canes hung around. It is way too difficult for the average bride to pull these off without having it look like Candy Land. Go ahead and cross this off your list of decor ideas.
Well folks, we made it. The hiatus that happens from July to September where wedding season takes a quick little breather because it’s hot as balls and the bride doesn’t want to give her guests heat stroke sweat off her makeup. But don’t think you’re out of the woods yet, twentysomething betches. Shit will pick up again in a month or so when it finally cools down and fall hits. So to prepare you for the second wave wedding fever, we’re telling you what kind of bride has her wedding in each of the different seasons. Spoiler alert: they’re all basic af because all brides are basic af. Fucking duh. But here’s what makes them sorta different.
Spring: The Classic Bride
As much as going to weddings can suck, the ones I hate going to the least usually take place in the spring. The colors are pretty. I can wear anything from a pastel sundress to an LBD depending on how bad I wanna get laid I’m feeling. And it’s not too hot or too cold. All you need is a light jacket. The best part about spring weddings is they’re not all the fucking same. Fall weddings have identical color palettes (plum, burgundy, navy, repeat). Winter weddings are icy winter wonderland themed. And summer weddings are so fucking hot I just blackout so who even knows. While brides from other seasons are busy trying to show how original and edgy they are with their non-spring weddings, the spring bride is busy having a pretty, fun, chill wedding. And because spring marks the start of wedding season, I’m not totally over it yet where I’d rather pledge sobriety than go to another person’s big day.
Summer: The Bridezilla
Ugh. The summer bride aka the fucking worst. Now full disclosure… I am from Georgia so anyone who gets married down here in the summer is literally Satan because chances are at least one person will have a heat stroke and die. But tbh, no matter where you live, the summer bride is probs a total bridezilla. Mainly because they’re selfish af. No one wants to go to your stupid wedding in the summer. We want to go to the beach on the weekends or a pool party or some shit. The last thing any betch wants to do is wear a black-tie dress with a full face of makeup and a blowout just to sweat her ass off and end up looking like total shit. And this selfishness doesn’t just apply to the wedding day. Those closest to the summer bride know the entire wedding planning process has been absolute hell. This is the type of girl that makes her bridal party pay for her $10k gown because she just DGAF about anyone but herself. And don’t even get me started on brides who choose to get married on Memorial Day weekend, July Fourth or Labor Day weekend. You are a monster.
Fall: The Extra Basic Bride
Like I said at the beginning of this post, all brides are basic af. The fall bride, however, takes it to a whole new level. What makes them even more annoying is that they think they’re hella original because they’re not getting married in the spring. And I promise you they won’t shut up about it. The fall bride will constantly tell you how they didn’t want a standard springy color palette and how instead of signature cocktails they’re opting for a pumpkin spice latte and/or s’mores station and every other tiny thing that’s happening at the wedding that ties into fall. Like STFU, Karen. The only things I care about is that your wedding has an open bar and a hot enough groomsman for me to make out with.
Winter: The Trendy Bride
Out of all the seasons to choose from, winter is the only one that comes across as somewhat original. And for the record, I’m not talking about brides who do Christmas-themed weddings because I don’t even know how to classify them. Weird maybe? Idk. Winter weddings are usually smaller and more intimate with a cozy vibe that makes guests feel like they’re actually important instead of just someone the couple wanted there to look like more people like them than they actually do. The winter bride will probs wear a sexy nightgown-esque wedding dress with a fur shawl, a dark lip and retro Hollywood glam hair to make it appropriate for the season. In a few years, people will start catching on and winter brides will be the extra basic ones, but for now they’re still (slightly) ahead of the curve.