How To Manipulate Your Summer Fling Into A Winter Cuff

Yes, sadly, we’re more than halfway through summer. I know, I know, that’s a fucking bummer to think about. The impending end to Summer ’17 isn’t all you need to be mulling over right now. In fact, you probably have a summer fling, hook up, smang buddy, etc. that you need to decide if you should keep around past August. If you’ve already decided that Jake or Ryan or Matt or Nick or whoever will look good in a ski outfit and could probably impress your parents at Christmas, then you have decided to get moving on the cuff. Because if you’re going to commit yourself it needs to last at least six months, really. So what next? How to you turn the best non-committal sex of your life into the best actually-committed kind? Like all important decisions involving another person, don’t just come out and say it. Gross. Manipulate the situation so sneakily that he doesn’t even see it coming.

Drop Hints.

You need to make sure that he’s actually down so you don’t embarrass yourself when it comes time to DTR. If he’s said a million times he doesn’t want a girlfriend, guess what bitch, he probably doesn’t want a girlfriend. Unlike us, men are simple creatures and often just blurt out what they’re really feeling. So if he’s not actively telling you it isn’t going to happen, drop a few hints that you could see yourself dating him past the summer. Mention activities you’d like to do in the fall. Talk about seeing a football game together. Ask how he feels about corn mazes. That kind of shit. If he’s down to make plans with you for Halloween, he’s probably down to keep whatever you two have going.

Put Him In Situations Where He Has To Introduce You.

OK this might seem like a stretch, but try to get him in situations where introductions are necessary. You could avoid the DTR altogether if he starts introducing you to his friends as his girlfriend. Crisis adverted. The whole goal of this is to get him to think your relationship is his idea. Dudes love when they come up with shit on their own. Also, this can work the other way. If you introduce him to someone, don’t give him a title, just say his name and kind of trail off. See if he jumps in with the “I’m her boyfriend” comment.

Don’t Bring Up The Fact Summer Is Ending.

If you’ve been hanging out with a dude all summer and things are going well, but you don’t want to rock the boat with just how great things are going, maybe just don’t mention your desire to get wifed-up by September. Ya know, sometimes you should just let sleeping dogs lie, or, in this case, let him think you’re the most chill and not going to pressure him. I’m pretty sure everyone hates being nagged at or pressured, so if you like what you have going and don’t care about the label, just let it be. If it’s really meant to be, it’ll be. Likewise, if you’re thirsty for a boyfriend and he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, you should seriously move on to someone who deserves does. Duh.

DTR.

If all else fails, and you’re not down with the casual transition from FWBs to full on dating, I guess you should probably define that mother-fuckin relationship. Like, in order to not embarrass yourself, make sure you’re like 99% sure he’s also down to keep things rolling past summer fling status. Then, I guess you need to just bite the bullet and ask, “Hey, what are we?” OR, if you’re real ambition, you could just tell him he’s your boyfriend. You know, like that pirate guy in Captain Phillips, but instead of “I am the captain now” it’s like, “I am your girlfriend now.” Totally no chance of that ever backfiring.