Over the weekend, whether you were too afraid to rejoin society after lockdown or you were forced back into lockdown because people went HAM and your city saw a resurgence of Covid cases, chances are you might’ve come across the new Baby-Sitters Club series on Netflix Family. Though the series was originally intended for a children’s audience, millennials and xennials on my Twitter and IG feeds have also found themselves binging the show. This wholesome content is exactly the nostalgia we’ve all been longing for in a difficult year, and if you haven’t watched it yet, do yourself a favor and head to Netflix.
So what better way to continue that comforting break from reality than to celebrate the iconic series and its characters by asking yourself the simple question of “What does your favorite Baby-Sitters Club character say about you?” None.
Did somebody order a control freak? Kristys (Kristies?) are currently stewing over the fact that their 2020 planner has barely seen any action and spend their days in quarantine crafting the perfect itinerary for working from home. You’re not the best with change, but that’s mostly because things don’t sit well with you if you’re not able to run the show and be in complete control. That being said, you are a natural leader and you do your best to lead with love. Your friends are your people and you always show up for them. Like the Mom of the group, you’re reliable and when people need something done you’re the one they have on speed dial.
Claudias are the fiercest, most artistic of the bunch. Never afraid to speak your mind, people naturally flock to your confident attitude and effortless style. You will definitely be voted mostly likely to have a future as an #influencer with a roster of Pinterest-worthy DIYs and sustainable capsule collections. Family means everything to you, though it can be frustrating when your family isn’t as open to your free spirit as your friends and fans. You’re a considerate friend who always has a purse full of snacks, encourages others to explore their creativity, and your attention to detail in your art and for the people you care about never goes unnoticed.
Ahhh boy-crazy Stacey. On the outside, you give off the vibes of a Real Housewife in the making, when deep down you’re still just trying to figure yourself out (admittedly, most of the Housewives are too). While you worry a ton about what others may think, you try your best to not let your insecurities get the best of you. In reality, all you’re trying to do is find genuine connections in this world, and that goes for friends, romance, and family. You sometimes struggle with living up to your parents’ ridiculous expectations, but you know that at the end of the day they’ve got your back. So keep reminding yourself of that and surrounding yourself with friends and boos who do too.
Mary Annes are either a future therapist’s dream or have a successful future as a therapist. Never one to rock the boat, you’re always listening and taking in everyone else’s energy. By nature you’re a people pleaser, though one should never mistake your kindness for weakness. You’re still learning to find your voice and develop independence from who you think you should be for everyone else and who you actually want to be. And while you’re still evolving your personality and style, you never discount the value of a solid pair of overalls and you can always be counted on to be there for your friends with an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.
A spiritual goddess, Dawns are optimistic and always look at the glass as half-full—even when the cards they’ve been dealt haven’t always been the best hand. You might have been forced to grow up quickly and play the role of caregiver or authority in your family. And instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you lean into those skills and excel with purpose. Whether it’s educating yourself and taking your efforts beyond performative allyship or leading a guided meditation to calm everyone’s nerves, you are not only happy to be a part of the group but truly want everyone to see just how wonderful and badass they can be in their own right too.
An honorable mention for Kristy’s soon-to-be step-sister Karen because let’s face it, it’s been a tough year for Karens. Whether we admit it or not, every single friend group has a Karen. Karens can be dramatic and have a tendency to overreact when really all they are is starved for attention. They genuinely believe they mean well, though it often comes out in problematic and extreme ways, like idk, running away at camp or fearmongering over conspiracy theories. And while Karens still admittedly have room to grow and mature, one thing is for sure—if they like you they’ll defend you to the extreme and you’ll always get that impossible restaurant reservation even if you’re just walking in.
Images: Jesse Austin (5), Kailey Schwerman/Netflix; Giphy
Like everyone else, I’ve been working on bettering myself in quarantine (and by bettering myself, I mean watching all of the shows I’ve been adding to my Netflix queue). My first official quarantine binge was obviously Parks and Rec, but when I realized that I couldn’t watch Parks over and over until this ends, I started looking for new content, which is where Schitt’s Creek comes in.
Honestly, it took me a few half-watches of the pilot, but once I got like, 10 minutes into the second episode I became hooked and made it through the series in, like, a week and a half. And, since I can’t stop thinking about the show, I decided that there is no better use of my brain cells then to tell you how I think the characters of Schitt’s Creek would be quarantining.
At first, Johnny believed COVID-19 was just like the flu, but after David yelled at him enough times, he started taking precautions and wearing a mask in public at all times. Now he’s going a little too far in the other direction, wearing gloves even at home and Lysoling the entire motel on the hour, despite there not being any visitors since even before the pandemic. While he is trying to keep his cool for the sake of the family, Johnny is kind of losing his mind, and his family obviously notices. He won’t stop watching the news and parroting every single new COVID-19 development he hears, and is having trouble distinguishing between conspiracy theories and legitimate news. He splits his day between the motel and the cafe, where he’s handing out face shields to everyone coming in and trying to install plexiglass barriers at all the tables.
As we know, Moira does not enjoy being around sick people, so this whole pandemic thing has sent her spiraling. To keep herself sane (to the detriment of those around her), Moira has taken to organizing weekly Jazzagal rehearsals via Zoom. The audio delay makes them unbearable. Moira has been spending her time organizing her wigs, matching them to her face mask du jour, and she’d actually be pretty big on TikTok if she could figure out what it is.
David somehow managed to get Rose Apothecary to be declared an essential business, largely because he truly believes that luxury skin care items are essential. However, he is extremely diligent about social distancing and is only operating via curbside pickup. He makes Patrick deliver the customers’ orders because he’s convinced he’s high-risk. Every time he gets a panic attack, he convinces himself it’s COVID-19. Ted has started screening his calls. When he’s not spiraling, he’s developing a Rose Apothecary hand sanitizer that doubles as a scented hand cream.
Alexis’ business has been growing and she is determined not to let quarantine dampen her success. A true innovator, Alexis bought a sewing machine from a store in Elmdale, and she and David have started learning to make branded masks to sell at Rose Apothecary. The plan was to embroider them in Swarovski crystals and sell them for $500 a pop. So far they’ve made one mask successfully before the sewing machine jammed and they “took a break”.
Since there are apparently no hospitals in Schitt’s Creek, Johnny has decided that the Rosebud motel would rent out rooms to healthcare providers at a reduced rate. While this is honestly a really good idea, he (unsurprisingly) had no plans regarding the logistics and left all of the details to Stevie. She is one more half-baked idea away from “accidentally” locking him out of the motel.
Roland won’t stop telling everyone how much he is doing his part, but he goes out in public wearing a mask that only covers his mouth. He also purposely forgets items on his grocery runs so he has an excuse to go back out. He continues to spend time with Bob, claiming the two are quarantining together, even though they are not living together…
Since Jocelyn is a teacher, she has been crazy busy over the last few months. On top of conducting her classes via Zoom, she’s been going the extra mile to both drop off and pick up homework for her students.
Since the diner is evidently the only place in town to get food, Twyla is working overtime on carryout orders, and it has never been busier. While working around Johnny’s developments to the diner, she’s been trying to enlist the Rose family to help her deliver orders. They have all left her on read, and she’s too nice to double text.
Unsurprisingly, Ronnie has been holding it together the most through this whole ordeal. She virtually walked every single member of the town council through the Zoom set-up process so they could still hold meetings. In her spare time, she’s been delivering PPE to the local hospitals, but you’d never know because she doesn’t make a big show out of it. She is, however, judging the sh*t out of everyone who is going about their regular lives unbothered.
Bob somehow brought coronavirus to Schitt’s Creek. No one is really sure where he got it from, but when he started showing minor symptoms, he assumed that he just had allergies. Even though Bob should be high-risk due to his age, he did not have a severe case. He did, however, spread COVID-19 to half of the customers at the diner.
In true David Rose fashion, Dan Levy posted a video explaining the importance of wearing a mask on Twitter, and I’ll leave you with that super pure content.
— dan levy (@danjlevy) May 20, 2020
Images: Courtesy of Pop TV; Giphy (10); danjlevy / Twitter
Even months into quarantine, there’s no way you could forget about the sensation that is Tiger King and all of its fascinating characters like John Reinke, the former manager of Joe Exotic’s G.W. Zoo. Reinke has found a new girlfriend after his departure from the G.W. Zoo, as he reported on “The Tiger King and I” reunion hosted by Joel McHale. Unfortunately for him, Texas courts are out of session due to the pandemic, so his divorce still hasn’t been finalized. And we thought Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler had the messiest pandemic split. Sara Levine, Betches EIC and host of Not Another True Crime Podcast, sat down with John for a video interview.
Tiger King Experience
Though Tiger King has literally become synonymous with quarantine, Reinke never thought much about the documentary while it was being filmed. “There were so many film crews in and off the park, it was just kind of like everyday stuff, you know, I didn’t think anything of it. We had several producers come on and say ‘hey, we’re going to make a documentary out of this.’ Yeah, whatever.”
Like the rest of America, Reinke watched the show right when it came out. “I wanted to make sure I wasn’t portrayed wrong, I just know how some of the media takes it out of context and makes you look worse than what you are.” Despite some of his castmates’ complaints, Reinke thinks “everybody was portrayed right.”
Free Joe Exotic
In Reinke’s view, the story of Joe Exotic’s crimes got twisted around. “He didn’t deserve 22 years. Did he do some stuff wrong? Yeah. Was he provoked into paying somebody? He didn’t pay him to go kill Carole, he paid him to get off his park so he’d leave us alone.” Even from behind bars, Joe is campaigning to have his name cleared. “I’m really, really shocked about how much he’s actually accomplishing from jail,” comments Reinke. And Joe’s efforts are pretty aggressive. He’s even commissioned a huge bus to travel to D.C. to beg President Trump to #HelpFreeJoe, a presidential pardon (omg, can you imagine Donald and Joe together? That would be some major quarantine hair inspo.)
Though they’re not exactly BFFs, Reinke says that they had a strong working relationship. “I was close to Joe. He knew I could run the zoo and I could run the staff, and he took care of everything else.” Unfortunately, he’s now in prison for allegedly trying to “take care” of a certain flower crown-wearing enemy.
Carole Did It
Obviously, the biggest
meme controversy the show created was whether Carole Baskin, Joe’s archnemesis, really did kill her husband. Though Reinke’s never met her personally, he has met her second husband Howard when he visited the zoo during the copyright lawsuit between Carole and Joe. According to Reinke, “he was really nice to me” (and I guess you’ve gotta be pretty nice if you’ll let your wife parade you around on a leash on your wedding day dressed in a tiger print toga), but Reinke still says that “It’s been crammed down my throat all these years, not just from Joe, it’s been crammed down my throat from all the animal people in the world that Carole killed her husband. So it was just in your mind that Carole did it.”
And it looks like Tiger King won’t be Reinke’s only claim to fame. He appears in a new comedy from Full Moon Features, Barbie and Kendra Save the Tiger King, out via Full Moon Features. Essentially, the movie follows two total ditzes on their journey to save a young Joe Exotic from a plane crash. Yes, you heard me right. “It’s just something to break up the monotony from this Covid thing that’s got everybody tense,” Reinke says. And he’s right—I watched the trailer, and tbh it’s basically a crossover episode between Apocalypse Now and The Simple Life.
If you still can’t get enough of watching people who are inexplicably obsessed with big cats, you’re in luck. To hear more about Joe Exotic, real life catfights, a Tiger King movie (possibly featuring Matthew McConaughey as Reinke, which honestly isn’t the worst idea ever), watch the full interview below.
Images: Tread365.com; TMZ; NightmarishConjurings.com
We did it. The holidays are over and we’ve survived the family reunions, awkward high school run-ins in our hometowns, and gift shopping stress—even if that means becoming penniless in the end. Now that we’re back to adulthood activities such as having responsibilities, day-to-day chores, and going back into the office, the desperate need for a distraction has never been stronger. IDK about you, but the back-to-back holidays have left me broke AF and therefore, I forbid anyone from asking me to do anything social for like, at least two weeks. I can’t afford Taco Bell, Karen, and I can’t afford running up another bar tab. God. It’s fine, though. Netflix is here, as usual, to save me from boredom while I indulge in a hermit lifestyle. Watching Bird Box and Black Mirror ‘s new movie were hella interesting, but I’ve been there, done that, so thank u, next. If you are also waiting for something new while eating your weight in good ol’ pasta on the couch (lol new year, same person), you’re in luck. Netflix is bringing an assortment of shows and movies to satisfy our cravings this month, so here are all the worthy ones to stream.
A Series Of Unfortunate Events
The third and final season of this Netflix Original premiered on January 1st. In case you haven’t watched a single second of it, you’re not missing out on the plot too much. It’s v similar to the childhood book series you probs read ages ago. I personally gave up after watching the third episode because I’m into like, drugs, crime, and blindfolded characters much more. However, if you’re a fan of book-to-TV adaptations and enjoyed reading the terrible lives of children when you were younger, you’ll have more than enough time to catch up on this one.
This is labeled as a crime drama starring a pretty solid award-winning cast like Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, and Mark Wahlberg. It’s apparently a really, really good mobster movie (with a 90% Rotten Tomatoes rating, just sayin’) about taking down the Irish Mafia in Boston. I assume drugs, murder, and a jaw-dropping ending are involved, and since I like this sort of sh*t, I’m upset I haven’t seen it sooner. Oh, and it won the Oscar for Best Picture. Oh, well. Looks like I’m canceling all plans this weekend.
Noted as a classic until the end of the time, this cult-favorite John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson movie is now available to watch. If you haven’t seen it yet, now’s your chance before everyone shuns you. I’ve watched it for the first time in 2018, and although it contains a lot weird, trippy, strange events to say the least, I seriously liked it a lot and months later, I’m still asking people about their thoughts on the ending. I’m not going to spoil it, I’m not an a**hole, so just do yourself a favor and watch it.
From time to time, I love classic, corny, predictable rom-coms. I’ve yet to watch this one myself, but it stars Ryan Reynolds and Abigail Breslin—the one who always plays the cute, snarky little girl that acts much older than she is. The plot sounds identical to How I Met Your Mother, except it’s not nearly as long and only tells the stories of three women so that Abigail could actually guess who her mother is.
The Assassination Of Gianni Versace
I. Love. This. Show. Sure, the cast selection and acting talent in the first season for the O.J. Simpson case was a bit questionable, but it still was binge-worthy enough for me to finish in 24 hours. I’m not ashamed and I can’t wait to do the same for The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story. It’s controversial, inspired by actual events, and certainly thrilling. I am here for it.
Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened
And of course, I saved the best for f*cking last. Guys, I haven’t been this excited for a documentary since…wait, I’ve never been excited for a documentary, but THIS ONE, I am anxiously waiting for. The joke of jokes, fail of all fails, made it to the ever-growing list of Netflix documentaries. Viewers will see “first-hand” the notorious, disastrous Fyre Festival crash “as told by the organizers”. I thought I lost it when I first saw the pathetic “gourmet lunch” of Kraft cheese on sh*tty bread, but I think I’ll really lose it when I finally see wtf happened behind the scenes. I’m not saying this is funny, but it’s hilarious. Mark your calendars: January 18th.
Photo: JESHOOTS.COM / Unsplash; Giphy (6)