With the new year approaching fast on our heels, it’s about damn time to start thinking about how you’d like to enter it as a new (and hopefully) better you. I’m not referring to fixing your chronic RBF, limiting your time spent on Instagram, or introducing weird healthy foods into your daily diet. I’m obviously talking about more important sh*t like the clothes and shoes you’re wearing. If you’re truly trying to embrace a “new year, new you” attitude, then it’s only right you look the part, too. It’s no surprise that bizarre trends like biker shorts and frilly, billowy sleeves are here to stay. And with others like statement sneakers, loud prints, and tiny-ass sunglasses on board, it’s safe to say you probs have hoarded a lot of sh*t in your closet that needs to GTFO. Here’s everything you should think about tossing out before 2019, so you can ring in the new year in trendy style.
1. Adidas Superstars
Okay, so like, before everyone loses their sh*t, I don’t mean you have to literally throw these away. I still wear my scuffed and stained pair when a girl just has no time for nothing else, but I strongly recommend swapping them out for a fresh, head-turning pair. Maybe not full-out ‘dad sneakers,’ but sporty ones with more elevation and flair like these trainers. Sneakers like these are an easy way to make any outfit a little more exciting.
Adidas Falcon Sneaker in Maroon/Navy
2. Reaaally Skinny Jeans
Super skinny jeans are just so 2000. In this totally vintage, throwback, and hipster phase our generation has become obsessed with, opt for mom or boyfriend denim styles that are flattering and v on-point.
3. Maybe…Some Black Pieces?
OKAY, I said MAYBE some boring, basic black pieces? You don’t have to stop wearing black, but you can add in some other tasteful basics. Instead, 2019’s hottest neutral is supposed to be a warm beige that is still shows how empty I am inside and also still goes with everything else I own.
H&M Cable-knit Turtleneck Sweater
4. Crop Tops
All in favor of ditching the v basic, over worn crop top during summer 2019, say I!!! Ditch the lame style for more chic, flattering, and way less stressfully-found bodysuits. They come in like, a bajillion styles, colors, and honestly, the whole peeing situation outweighs rockin’ a beer bloat.
Free People Move Along Bodysuit
5. Crossbody
Crossbody bags have truly saved my ass countless times and have also protected me against getting pickpocketed on a subway. They are the real MVPs, tbh. However, now is a fab time to hang them up to give their trendier sister style some love—a fanny pack. Or if you want, call it a belt bag. You’re fancier than me. What was once limited to art freaks and band geeks, is now considered bougie af.
Marc Jacobs Hip Shot Convertible Leather Belt Bag
Photo: Nordstrom (2); Revolve; H&M; Free People
Fashion trends come and go. F*cking duh. That’s what makes fashion generally so interesting, enticing, and well, fun. You never know what’s going to be worn on the runways or be photographed on a Kardashian next. Really, it should be a drinking game by now. It could be something cute (and normal-looking) like a midi floral dress or it can be something fugly af like Balenciaga’s crocs. Although each year has brought us many unforgettable trends we’d proudly wear out in public, even we can’t lie to ourselves and think all of them are still relevant today. Honestly, some of the things we’re wearing in 2018 are hideous, and quite frankly, like, need to die asap. There’s a reason why we cringe when we look back at our old Facebook pictures. Here are 7 of the worst fashion trends that just need to die for once and for all. I MEAN IT.
1. Jorts and Bike Shorts
I am literally trying to think of one good thing about either of these things and I can’t. I feel like we should just stick to jeans or denim shorts—nothing in between. In fact, anything that covers your bottom half above the knee that isn’t a skirt or a dress should probs just GTFO.
2. Groutfits
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Wear this on your couch for hours on end while you nurse a bad hangover, I don’t care. But unless you want to commit social suicide, I advise that you refrain from wearing any gray on gray outfit outside. Not even to the grocery store or local postal office. Just…no.
3. Colored Lenses
IDK we’re just not in the ’70s anymore and while in that decade these may have been poppin’, they’re just no longer necessary in this day and age. Do these even block out the sun? I mean, is there a real purpose for masking your eyes in yellow or bright pink lenses? Someone LMK.
4. Chunky Dad Sneakers
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good sneaker that is both trendy and comfortable, but this style has got to leave as quickly as it entered the Instagram sphere. Not only are they super out there, but they’re literally not even cute. Nope. Not even a little, so I can’t even give you the benefit of the doubt.
5. Crocs & Birkenstocks
The resurgence of Crocs and Birks was one of the worst fashion trends we saw this year. I might be incredibly biased; I just really effing hate both of these styles. I feel like they were created for the sole purpose of becoming viral memes and that is it. I don’t see any attractive aspect about either of them, tbh. And like, okay, so they’re comfortable. Great. Wonderful. The thing is, there are plenty of other comfortable shoes that are equally as chic as they are comfy, and for probs half the price.
6. Vinyl/Latex Anything
I don’t get how wearing this can be even slightly comfortable, so I guess that reasoning is out the window. Sure, the material accentuates your curves, which is always a plus, and it makes you look like a sexy badass, but unless you’re a model, I bet it makes you feel like an un-sexy sausage. Hard f*cking pass. When I die, bury me in…anything but a latex dress.
7. Transparent Shoes
Thanks, but no thanks, Ye. These were cute in the sense that I thought the “trend” would last a good 24 hours, like it was a cold going around or something. It did not think it would last for many months. Feet are weird in general and looking at scrunched toes (painted or not painted) in stilettos is even weirder. Something tells me wearing sweaty plastic heels all night cannot be good or sanitary for your toes. Girl, bye.
Images: goodamerican, kimkardashian, greyoutfits, bellahadid, haileybaldwin, crocs, kyliejenner, alldatnoise / Instagram
Music festival season is in full force, so brace your social media yourself. While I usually like to avoid 16-year-olds in crop tops, some festival lineups are hard to ignore. Besides, weren’t we all once 16-year-olds in crop tops? Also, it is hard to deny the allure of lots of day drinking. Plus, I heard Kendall Jenner goes to music festivals in army pants and flip flops, so I go to music festivals in army pants and flip flops.
So, if you find yourself feeling the ~desert vibes~ or ~farm vibes~ or just general ~vibes~ this year, take notes. Here are 5 trends to lookout for in 2017, and 5 trends you should burn with the memories of taking bad molly at Coachella and licking strangers’ faces. Or was that just me?
1. Instead of a flower crown, try a felt hat.
Felt hats def master the whole “I’m unapproachable but still chill af” vibe. They’re relaxed, edgy, and the bandana trim lets people know you spent just as much money on your ensemble as you did your ticket. You’re probably saying but what’s a music festival without a flower crown? A place I’d much rather be at, that’s what. How did we let a bunch of Frida Kahlo nightmares parade around with fake daisies in their hair, ruining festival fashion for everyone? Last time I checked, you’re not a Game of Thrones character or Lana Del Rey, so log off Etsy, get tf out of Forever 21, and throw out your flower crown. Also, a felt hat will keep the sun out of your heavily dilated eyes, which you’ll def be grateful for.
2. Instead of body jewelry, try a statement necklace.
Can we all agree that jewelry is doing just fine where it’s supposed to be sitting on your body? Call me old fashioned, but I’m fine wearing a necklace that goes around my neck, no thigh-gap chains necessary over here. This wrap necklace from Pritiworld is a perfect accessory—pair it with any simple outfit and look effortlessly festival-ready. The arrowhead accent makes a statement and the delicate beads keeps the necklace from trying too hard, bless.
3. Instead of rave boots, try platform sneakers.
I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, haunted by all the rainbow fuzzy rave boots I’ve seen in my years. Like, thanks for reminding America that your dad hates you. I don’t think the full back tattoo was doing a good enough job. And while you can LITERALLY PUT ON ANY OTHER SHOE and it’ll be better than a rave boot, why not try out a platform sneaker this festival season? A flat, closed toe shoe is always the safest bet for standing around and walking all day. It’s like when your mom told you to wear sensible footwear, but now you don’t have to ruin your fire outfit with a not so sick pair of New Balances. Platform sneakers add just a little height (you’re welcome, booty) without killing your legs. And the metallic stars subtly add that girly-grunge feel to your outfit without doing the absolute most.
4. Instead of eye jewels, try a cool pair of sunglasses.
93% sure I’ve read somewhere that the right pair of sunglasses is scientifically proven to a) bump you two points hotter and b) give you way more Insta likes. These thick-framed marble sunglasses look great with sundresses or tank tops and will distract from the fact that you’ve sweat off all your makeup. Consider swapping jewels for sunglasses the next time you decide to draw as much attention to your face as possible. You’re not performing drag, and you’re not Zenon Girl of the 21st Century, so frankly I just don’t know why you think gluing colorful gems, glitter, and crescent moons all over your t-zone would be chill.
5. Instead of high waisted shorts, try overalls.
High waisted shorts are like the hookup you promise yourself you won’t crawl back to. It’s easy to say you won’t text him when you’re sober, but now it’s 1am, and you and I both know you’re not asking if he’s up out of concern for his sleeping habits. With more ways now than ever to wear denim, we’re better than high waisted shorts. They’ve always been there, and they will always be there, and I’m telling you there’s more to life. Easily style this patched overall dress with a lace bandeau or crop top underneath. Now you’re showing just enough skin to low-key dress like a slut.
