Easy Ways To Get Your Cardio In Without Stepping Foot In A Gym

The idea of getting sweaty, tired, and out of breath while not immediately losing three pounds is very offensive, especially when we’re making an effort to do the whole gym thing. Don’t put us down for cardio. However, you don’t need to sweat it out amongst grunting jocks in the gym to hit your cardio goals. You don’t even need to start waking up at 4am like the other psychopaths jogging around your neighborhood. Incorporating more cardio into your day can build muscle, burn fat, and lead you to a more toned and #blessed life, so walking, dancing, and even vacuuming are all great ways to seek the path of the Insta model. Here are some easy ways to incorporate cardio into your day.

1. Stairs

This is probs the easiest one to do for those of us working in soulless corporate buildings with multiple floors. According to scientists, you’ll also burn more calories if you take one step at a time, so tell your boss it wasn’t the Starbucks that made you late, it was your dedication to health and fitness.

2. Gossip While Walking Around The Block

Walking is good, but walking while your mouth is running is even better. If you’re trying to get up and move around, walking for 15 minutes can burn about 66 calories, but walking while talking burns more since you’re taking more breath to multitask and rip apart Janet’s horrendous outfit. Sh*t, you could even become a real boss b*tch and host walking meetings to see who the most athletic person in your department is.


3. Hit The Clerb

Gross, but it’s a great workout. If you aren’t slamming 1,000 calorie piña coladas for four hours and are, instead, sticking to vodka sodas or just, like, water (EW), going to the club and dancing is a great way to do cardio without actually thinking about the fact that you’re doing cardio. Dancing for 30 minutes can burn as much as 150 calories. So, it may be worth it to deal with douchebags and frat bros trying to hit on you in a dark, loud room instead of a brightly lit, upsettingly quiet, and sweaty room.

4. Jump Rope

Hearken back to the olden times in PE class when jumping rope was for cool kids and your lame ass couldn’t keep up. Regain your school-age confidence and buy a jump rope for incredibly easy cardio you can do in your office or in front of the TV at home. Jumping rope works your legs, improves overall conditioning, and is obvi a great way to incorporate cardio into your life without having to step foot in a gym.

jump rope

5. Go Shopping

Sounds cray, is true. Carrying a lightly loaded basket of clothes or groceries for only five minutes will burn 44 calories, according to Greatist. That sounds like a great excuse to hit up Target on my lunch break, buy a dress, AND get some food shopping done. This must be what adulthood feels like.

6. Vacuum

If you’re a slob and need to clean your house or apartment, you can kill two pounds birds with one stone. About 30 minutes of housework—i.e. dusting, vacuuming, and wiping down surfaces—can add up to about 98 calories. That’s like, one vodka soda or two Oreos. Obviously, you need to be going pretty hard on the vacuuming or dusting for it to be cardio levels, but just blast some Cardi B and rage clean until you feel yourself working up a sweat.

7. Park In The Back

Next time you’re heading anywhere (work, school, Target, the clerb), park as far off as you can (within reason and without putting yourself in some kind of danger). You’ll get a little extra distance in your day and may even work yourself up to cardio if you’re dealing with hills. If you’re really in the mood to up the ante, ride your bike to your destination or walk the whole way if you’re doing that city living thing.

Images: Lindsay Henwood / Unspash; Giphy (3)

5 Eating Tips To Follow So You Never Have To Diet Again
I don’t diet. It absolutely sucks, it’s hard, and I like pizza too much. I have this thing I call the Abs to Wine ratio. I want abs, but only until I have to stop drinking wine. Then abs can go fuck themselves. Wine brings me way more happiness than abs would. As does bread and cheese.
However, I can commit to eating or drinking these things less often. I just can’t cut them out. Diets don’t work for me because I can’t stay committed to something where I feel deprived. And for those of you that can actually stick with a strict diet or cleanse, you probably gain the weight back fairly quickly once you stop. Because this shit is impossible. The trick to staying thin or getting thinner or stopping weight fluctuation is consistency. This is the way I eat after learning from a nutritionist and it’s not super hard, I don’t feel deprived, and you should do it too so you can stop that diet bullshit.

1. Limit (Don’t Leave Out) Carbs

Everyone loves to blame carbs for being fat. But the thing is, carbs are actually really important for brain function. This is why your friends who do keto are insane and can get real fucking mean. Those bitches are hungry (and probably faint-y). Carbs get a bad rap because they’re most likely to be stored as fat if you don’t use them as energy. So to prevent this issue, try to limit yourself to only one bread-based carb serving a day, make it whole wheat, and eat it before your workout. Whole wheat takes your body longer to process, meaning longer lasting energy and less of a chance for it to be stored since you have more time to break it down. The rest of your carbs can be from veggies, rice, and other sources. Also? If you have to say “fuck it” and eat a burger at 10pm while drunk, do it. Just don’t do it too often.

2. Eat Small Frequent Meals

Most women only burn around 200-300 calories an hour at most (and around 500 an hour for men) outside of working out. So if you eat more than 300 calories in an hour, whatever you didn’t burn gets stored as fat. This is bullshit and I hate it, but it’s the way our stupid bodies work. This is the science behind the whole “eat small meals” thing. If you limit all your meals to no more than 300 calories, you will burn your food as you eat it, thus you have no risk of storing excess fat. So cut your portion sizes and figure out the calorie content of your meals. You can eat the other half of your sandwich (on whole wheat bread) in an hour or two. The bonus to eating small portions is you get to eat all day long. Try to eat six or more times a day, spacing out each meal by one to three hours. Not only does this keep your blood sugar from crashing, but you’re also less likely to binge because you never get yourself to the point of starving. It also keeps your metabolism stimulated. However, this only works if you’re eating small meals. You can’t eat like shit 20 times a day and wonder why you’re fat, Susan.

3. Know Your Macros (and Calories)

Macros are how much fat, carbs, and protein you need in a day. Know them. Love them. Use an app like MyFitnessPal and make sure the pretty chart lines up or MFP will rudely tell you in aggressive red text that you fucked up again. The importance of getting your macros right goes into how your body will look and feel. If you get the right amount of protein (your weight in kilograms is how many grams of protein you need), you will be full longer and your muscles will repair better post-workout. Also, protein is the least likely to be stored as excess fat. You also don’t want to go over your carb allotment because it’s the most likely to be stored as fat. Read your nutrition labels, eat enough fiber (20-25g for women and it helps with fat loss), and don’t eat too much sugar. That said, tracking your food will also help you stay within your calories instead of just guessing. You need a calorie deficit to lose weight and you need to not go over your maintenance calories to keep from gaining weight. You don’t have to track forever, but learn what this looks like.

4. Whole Ingredients

I’m not a fan of “diet” foods. You want a cookie? Eat a fucking cookie. Just make sure it fits in your macros for the day. Don’t eat weird, sad diet cookies. Life is too short. If you’re going to eat a burger, make it yourself or go to a restaurant that uses high quality ingredients, as opposed to going to McDonald’s. Pay attention to the quality of food you eat. Also, when products take things out —i.e., gluten-free, fat-free, etc.—they have to replace it with some kind of filler. It’s better to eat whole ingredients less frequently than to eat fake food. Also? Unless you have a gluten allergy, eat fucking gluten. Gluten-free offers no health benefits unless you’re actually allergic. You all need to stop it.

5. Limit Alcohol

This is the one that is hardest for me and saddest, because I love to drink. Sue me. And it’s so easy to drink frequently, especially if you socialize. Mimosas at brunch on Sunday, wine while watching The Bachelorette on Monday, Tuesday is bar trivia, Thursday happy hour, and then of course, it’s the weekend. Congratulations, you’re now an alcoholic. Not only that, alcohol majorly fucks with weight loss—not just because of the calories, but it also messes up your metabolism because your liver needs to process the alcohol before anything else. To get maximum benefits from your elevated metabolism (from working out or eating small meals), limit your drinking to one to two times a week. I would probably be so thin if I cut out drinking completely, but then I would lose my will to live and possibly murder someone at a family gathering instead of just pouring another glass of wine.
All of these things will contribute to fat loss (or at least not gaining weight, depending on your goals) over time, but the biggest thing is that this lifestyle is easy to maintain. You can do this forever without dieting and never worry about gaining 20 pounds the second you get sick of Whole30 and go ham on french fries again.
Images: Giphy (4)
6 Easy Ways To Burn Calories Without Actually Working Out

Thanksgiving can be one huge blur of red wine, unresolved tension from last year’s political debate, and too many slices of your mom’s pumpkin pie. I mean, we don’t blame you for eating your feelings. Between all the preparing, forced family time, awkward personal questions, and sampling every dish before it hits the table, the holiday can be pretty exhausting. Nothing’s stopping you from eating your Thanksgiving meal like you’re preparing for a nuclear apocalypse (not a bad idea considering the way things are going for our country rn), and we get it. However, if you want to burn a few extra calories to get your body ready for all your fav dishes, we’ve found a few ways that don’t consist of skinny teas or any other Instagram diet hacks. Here are some scientifically proven ways to burn calories so you can go ham at Thanksgiving dinner:

1. Drink Lemon Water In The Morning

Remember when we used to take gummy bear vitamins just because we were told they were good for us? That’s kind of like what lemon water is today. Basically every nutritionist and health guru in LA swears by a glass of hot water with lemon in the morning, so we believe that it does something for us. Drinking lemon water first thing in the morning has been proven to kickstart your digestive system and speed up your metabolism, so it will help you burn more calories throughout the day. Drink a huge cup of lemon water on the morning of Thanksgiving and you’ll feel better all day even when stuffing your face with pumpkin pie. Like, an extra slice is fine because I drank lemon water, right??

2. Get Off The Couch And Help Out

Being home for Thanksgiving is basically an excuse to lay around all day and try to drink enough wine to deal with your annoying second cousins, but if you actually do something to help out, you’ll end up burning calories just by being *somewhat* helpful. Help carry the groceries inside, cut the vegetables, or take the dog on a walk. I know laziness is inevitable when you’re home and don’t have any responsibilities, but any sort of moving around helps keep you active. I’m not saying carrying a case of water bottles inside the house from the driveway is gonna make you lose three pounds, but keeping your body active will prevent your metabolism from slowing down throughout the day, and we can honestly use any help we can get at this point.


3. Get In A Quick HIIT Workout

There’s no better excuse to escape family time than your physical health. It doesn’t matter if you don’t even work out the other 364 days of the year. Thanksgiving is the perfect time to lie to your loved ones about your personal priorities and insist on spending a few minutes by yourself to get in a quick workout. I mean, this is assuming your high school dealer is out of town and your friends are busy with their own families. Either way, HIIT isn’t such a bad last resort, and it’s the most logical way to burn calories when you’re planning on indulging later on. Even a 15-minute interval-based workout can help you burn calories for up to 24 hours afterwards, so put on a sports bra and do the damn thing. We even made a workout routine for you, so what’s your excuse?

4. Drink Cold Water

Thanksgiving can be a great time to catch up on your hydration, considering you don’t remember the last time you actually drank a full water bottle unless you were severely hungover or coming out of some bootcamp class that still gives you PTSD. We already know that staying hydrated keeps you full and clears your skin, but apparently drinking cold water helps your body burn more calories when at rest. When you drink cold water, your body has to work to bring the water up to its own internal temperature, which burns calories without you even realizing. If I were you, I’d start chugging.


5. Add Cinnamon

Luckily for you, cinnamon is kind of a seasonal staple, so it’s probably in a good number of your Thanksgiving desserts already. Cinnamon has been proven to help you burn calories and lose weight because of its regulatory effect on blood sugar levels. Here’s how it works. When your body’s insulin levels increase, it increases the metabolism of glucose, and the cinnamon helps prevent fat from being stored from the high blood sugar. In other words, a scoop of cinnamon can stabilize your blood sugar and prevent your body from holding onto extra fat. Sprinkle some in your coffee or anything else that makes sense to put cinnamon in. It’s Thanksgiving… it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out.

6. Eat The Brussels Sprouts Side Dish

There’s a ton of amazing food at Thanksgiving, but brussels sprouts are KEY if you want to burn calories while eating. It sounds impossible considering all foods have calories, but eating cruciferous vegetables like brussels sprouts will actually make your body burn calories because it needs to work extra hard to digest the fiber. This applies to veggies like kale and broccoli, too. There’s basically this scientific phenomenon where some foods have a thermal effect, which means your body uses extra energy to digest them. Brussels sprouts are packed with fiber, so your body will literally burn calories while digesting it. Everyone wins.

Kevin Broccoli

Read: A Quick HIIT Workout You Can Do Before Thanksgiving Dinner
How To Get Skinny By Memorial Day

Memorial Day weekend is in less than three weeks, and while some boring over-achievers have been dieting and hitting the gym since February, we’ve been busy like, eating cheese fries on 4/20 and slurping down margaritas on Cinco de Mayo. The point is, if your body is nowhere near summer ready, you’ve got just under three weeks to get your shit together before it’s time to day drink in a bikini for three days in a row. Here’s how to lose at least three pounds before Memorial Day:

1. Start Paying Attention

Whether you’re still recovering from Coachella or regretting that Unicorn Frap you ordered “just to see how it tastes,” you haven’t been making the best decisions lately, and it’s time to get your head on straight. You don’t get a good body by mindlessly snacking while watching 13 Reasons Why or by eating Matzah pizza three weeks after Passover. You get it by paying attention to what the fuck you’re eating, so start making good decisions.

Make Good Choices

2. Choose Whole Foods

We’re not talking about the grocery store, but I guess that works too. When you’re trying to lose weight, whole foods are your best friend. It’s not the 100-calorie snack pack or the sugar-free protein bar that promises to help you lose weight that will get the job done. You don’t need to go on some insane diet, but try eating REAL food, like vegetables, fruit, chicken, and eggs. You know, shit that can be found naturally in nature. Crazy concept, we know.

3. Don’t Buy Anything That Promises To Help

Here’s a little confidence boost for you: YOU’RE the only help you need. Stop buying bullshit SkinnyTeas or online nutrition coaches to tell you what to eat. The health industry is an INDUSTRY, so they’re trying to sell you shit. You probably know more than you think you do, so just listen to basic nutrition rules and try not to be a lazy shit. You don’t need a $95 subscription to Khloé Kardashian’s meal plan to get healthy.

Joanne The Scammer

4. Do HIIT Training

If you haven’t visited your gym since November and don’t even remember how to book a SoulCycle bike anymore, it’s fine. Everyone gets lazy and falls off the bike/wagon, but getting back on is the part that counts, so start now. HIIT, aka High Intensity Interval Training, is the fastest, most effective way to burn fat in a small period of time. Think like, 10 minute workouts—we conveniently already made one for you here. (We’re like, such a good friend.) If you go hard enough during each interval, your body will actually continue to burn calories later in the day, so you’ll basically be a fat-burning machine for the next few weeks.

5. Don’t Eat Late At Night

It’s hasn’t actually been scientifically proven that you gain weight from eating later at night, but it’s definitely not the healthiest thing for you. Going to bed feeling full AF will just make you wake up feeling bloated and not skinny, so eat earlier and have a little snack later if you must. Sorry if it makes you a loser for saying no to a late-night dinner at Catch, but nothing good can come of eating a spicy tuna crispy rice roll at 11pm.

Midnight Snack

6. Prioritize Breakfast

On the same theme of not eating late, you should actually be filling up on calories earlier in the day to prevent snacking and bad eating decisions later on. By having a legitimate breakfast in the morning, your body will fill up with enough fuel to get you through the day, so you’re not starving yourself to binge later on. I mean, everyone knows that feeling of skipping a meal and then getting home and going HAM with whatever the fuck is in your pantry. Have a real breakfast. And just to be clear, coffee with a splash of milk isn’t breakfast.

7. Choose Your Alcohol Wisely

We’re not telling you not to drink for the next three weeks. I mean, we’re not AA, nor do we live in the land of make believe. Alcohol is probably a staple in your week, so you don’t have to completely cut it out. Like, no one wants to be at happy hour with that girl who can’t order a drink because of her dietary restrictions. Drinking a couple times a week is fine, but make sure you order drinks that aren’t going to kill you, or like, add 60 grams of sugar to your night. Skip anything with syrups or tons of sugar, and instead stick to a simple vodka soda or a classy glass of wine. #Health 


Read: The 6 Changes To Make To Your Coffee Order If You’re Trying To Lose Weight