Welcome to Cancer season, aka the astrological glass case of emotion. Cancer is all about being in your feelings, so bust out the scented candles and your favorite movie to sob through. On the bright side, you’ll want to lean into all your favorite self care rituals, as Cancer is all about creature comforts. So yes, spending all your money on bath bombs is justified.
Tread lightly, Aries. A new romantic prospect may pop into your life this week (yay!) but you’re also in danger of catching feelings too fast (boo!). Not saying you shouldn’t get your flirt on as much as possible, just be sure to check in and remind yourself that marriage isn’t based on a single “hey beautiful ;)”.
Drinks on you, Taurus! You’re feeling generous af this week, which is great for your friends, but not as great for your checking account. Try to limit yourself to buying just one round of shots at happy hour. Rent isn’t gonna pay itself, unfortunately.
Your theme for the week is balance, Gemini. When it comes to both work and play, the limit does exist, and attempting to do either all the time will result in either a boring-ass life, or a light to mid-range jail sentence. Strike a balance and you can avoid both.
Welcome to your season, betch! How does it feel to not be the only one crying on public transportation? Around mid-week you’re going to notice that your brain is super charged like an IRL Jimmy Neutron. Find a way to honor your inner Hermione by going to a museum, watching a smart person movie, or just busting out the Sudoku.
What happens when Leo stops being polite and starts getting real? You’re about to find out. It’s hard to keep up appearances all the time, so take this week to cut the sh*t and be your authentic self. The people who love you will still be there by Friday, and the people who don’t honestly deserved to get roasted in your group chat.
It’s time for a little summertime hibernation, Virgo. You need to re-energize by carving out a decent size chunk of alone time. Do with that time whatever you want: nap, binge watch The Office (for the 1,000th time), eat a tub of ice cream, or just stare at the ceiling wondering if alternate universes are real. The time is yours.
This week is going to be all about willpower, Libra. Whether it be your 5th attempt at Whole30, not texting back that person you aren’t supposed to text back, or actually observing a no phone rule, you will be tested. Just hold firm to what you want to do and remember there are usually apps to help with this sh*t.
Omg, what is that feeling? Are you ready to drop your guard and open up to love? I’m so proud of you, Scorpio. This week, don’t ignore the urge to be a little more vulnerable with your crush/significant other/hookup/spouse of 7 years. You might find it’s not actually that bad.
Your hard work is finally paying off, Sagittarius! F*cking finally. Practice taking compliments in the mirror, because by midweek, you should be getting lots of acknowledgement from your bosses, friends, family, and maybe even some exes. Took ’em long enough.
When they go low you go what? High, Capricorn. The answer is high. People are going to try to drag you down into their own bullsh*t this week, but you need to rise above. You have enough baggage without taking on everybody else’s.
Put. The. Credit. Card. Down. I don’t care how good the sale is, you need to resist the urge to splurge. Seriously. You’ll thank yourself later when you have the extra money for something you actually need.
It’s time to face the hard truth: you can’t be everyone’s friend. In fact, you don’t want to be everyone’s friend! Some people suck! Take some time to focus on the people you actually like this week, and stop focusing so much on people you don’t actually GAF about anyway.
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Mars is moving into Aquarius, pushing us out of our comfort zones this week. There’s no going back to the safety of the past, like that back burner bro who’s good for a cuddle and an ego boost. No, this week you set out into unchartered territory. New experiences, new highs, new lows, and probably a few new d*cks await. IDK girl, whatever floats your boat. Here are your weekly horoscopes for September 10-14.
This week, your ruler Mars presents you with a challenge: how do you balance what’s important to you with satisfying the needs of others? Like, catching up on Bachelor in Paradise from your desk at work is your priority, but your boss needs you to get that stupid project done. Work on finding the balance to make everyone happy. I suggest asking for more monitors so you can multitask.
Mars is pushing you toward independence this week. It’s really not the best time for you to get assigned a group project. You’re not in the mood for someone else to get the credit for your hard work. You want independence, authority, and recognition. You probably won’t get that if you have to put a team of mouth breathers on your back to secure the accolades that are rightfully yours.
Mars traveling through Aquarius will trigger your desire to chase down a dream. It’s really time to go big or go home on that thing you’ve been thinking about doing for a while but haven’t started pursuing. What are you doing wasting your life at school or in an office? Time to go be a jewelry designer/Instagram model/social media influencer or some sh*t.
While Mars is on the move to Aquarius, it stays put in your Eighth House. The good news is it amps your sex drive. The bad news is it creates confrontations with others. It’s also good and bad news for your partner, right? Like, you’re DTF, but you’re also down to argue about what you’re going to watch on Netflix after.
Mars sitting opposite your sign makes partnerships a little contentious this weekend. Whether it’s someone you’re forced to live or work with, or someone you choose to spend your time with, relationships that were once smooth sailing could hit a few bumps this weekend. I think weeks like this are the reason God invented wine, tequila, vodka, gin etc.
With both the Sun and Mercury still in your sign this week, there’s not much to be mad at. Venus also plays a part this week in making you feel and know that you are loved. Whether it’s kind words from a friend or a stranger, you’ll be feeling like the birthday-month queen that you are as all the light and goodness in the world continues to shine brightly on you.
You’re keeping it low-key until your birthday arrives. I mean, low-key about most things. Mars actually encourages you to spend a sh*t ton of money you may or may not have. Sure, you need to get your hair, nails, and waxes done so you look your best when your time to shine arrives, but let’s not go too overboard in anticipation here.
Mars traveling through Aquarius makes you impatient when it comes to matters of the home. You might be sick and tired of waiting for your landlord to fix a leaky faucet. You might be fed up with all the BS your roommate comes up with. Maybe it’s mom, dad, and the entire f*cking family who are driving you nuts. Just take a deep breath and go outside while the weather is still nice enough for you to shirk the responsibilities of adulting.
Mercury promotes solid conversations with authorities this week. That means whether it’s bosses, professors or the cops, you’ll be great at talking yourself out of situations. Too much fun at the tailgate? Never fear, your inner lawyer will help get you out of that drinking ticket. Wait, no, maybe you should think about hiring an actual lawyer for that.
Mars traveling through Aquarius brings up a good financial opportunity for you. A job offer, promotion, or a chance to invest in a really good deal is coming your way. Do you want to end up like one of those assholes who talk about how they knew they should have invested in Bitcoin but didn’t? When the opportunity comes knocking this week, you’ll know what to answer.
With Mars traveling through your sign, you have all the tools and skills you need to make decisions for yourself. Your intuition and intellect will work together and be on point. That means you don’t need to take the unsolicited advice offered to you in the group chat. You don’t need to show your friends the Instagram of the guy you like before you go out with him. You’re a big girl. Make your own big girl choices.
Mars traveling through Pisces kicks up dust in your subconscious, pushing you to feel things you thought were buried deep. Anger or desire can be especially strong, but now is not the time to act on them. Do not text your ex with blocks and blocks of text telling him exactly what you think of him. Don’t quit your job by telling the whole office to f*ck off. Work on keeping those emotions in control when they pop up.
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