It was a short week, fam, and thank God, because we’re now hurtling headlong into a short but welcome weekend. What do the stars have in store for us? We’ve got Venus and the moon merging on Friday, plus Saturn and Pluto making moves that’ll affect everyone in some weird but clarifying ways. Maybe we’ll all finally realize we have to get off the couch in order to tone up. Maybe we’ll collectively join a spin class then hate ourselves. Or maybe this weekend will give us the much needed mental capacity to tackle the guest room closet—home to an old TV, Vitamix box, broken clothing rack, and garbage bag of stuffed animals that mom INSISTED we couldn’t throw away and needed to keep indefinitely. Only one way to find out which!

Gemini

Things are getting f*cking complicated, Gemini. If you’ve been quiet about wtf your status is with that guy you’re sort of seeing, don’t feel like you need to explain the mess to anyone now. It’s all coming out in the next few days, so prepare for a lot of questions and judgey looks from your besties. On the flip side, if you haven’t been seeing anyone (because you’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no man), don’t be scared to sit out of the dating game for a bit. You’ll go in feeling more confident in a few weeks (and after you’ve had some time to yourself). The good news is that a bunch of natural influencers will be pushing you, friends, and family together this weekend, so Sunday will be a great day for catching up and brunching with bottomless mimosas.

Cancer

You’ve been in a romance fog of confusion all week, Cancer, and that’s about to change. Venus in Taurus will have you seeing things a lot more clearly when it comes to your romantic status come Friday. Weirdly, a friend or group of friends may play a part in bringing some romance into your day to day, so don’t completely distrust your besties if they say they know what’s good for you. Already got a lovah? Head out on a double date this weekend to send sparks flying and start a steamy weekend of reconnecting.

Leo

Your sense of style is finally paying off, Leo. People are paying attention to you, especially at work, and you can use that newfound clout to jump off on a new idea or project (like summer Fridays or jeans every day). Outside work, this weekend is offering clarity on your love life thanks to someone you respect. Schedule a social outing (or night in) with an old friend to really give yourself a good sounding board.

Virgo

GTFO of town with your boo for the weekend, Virgo. A road trip somewhere cute with your long-time partner is just what you need to relax and reset. Drag him around some antique stores to test his love for you, or go on a hike with him to remind yourself how much you hate the outdoors but love this bro. If you’re newly dating someone, plan a sexy date that’ll leave you feeling powerful and as hot as you were in college (if only). Single? Good news: the planets are playing right into your trap and are perfectly aligned to help you meet a hot stranger. Maybe you’ll be smooshed against him on the subway. Maybe he’ll slide into your DMs at the perfect moment. Expand your horizons and open your eyes.

Libra

Get snuggly at home, Libra, and embrace the couch. A romantic night in with your SO is the perfect way to relax after this week. If you’re single, invite friends over and tell them to bring single strangers so you can mix and mingle. Just make sure you’ve embraced tidying up. Nobody can relax in a space full of old laundry and takeout containers.

Scorpio

You’re all about the truth, Scorpio. We get it – you say what you mean at all times without backing down. You’re a psycho and we love you for it. Telling truths seems to also apply to your love life this weekend, and a long convo with a lover this weekend could set the stage for, well, the rest of your relationship. Be diplomatic, but be honest. You deserve the best, but remember that you’re no picnic 24/7, either. If you’re single, be totally up-front about what you’re looking for with all the idiots you date. If you don’t want them playing games, you should hold yourself to the same set of rules. Good news, though: a potential mate this weekend could find your frankness quite refreshing.

Sagittarius

You’re such a good person, Sagittarius, and it’s finally going to pay off. The planets are aligned this weekend to potentially help you make bank after you’ve poured your heart into something you really love. Maybe bedazzling all those cat sweatshirts is finally going to pay off. Maybe that home decor blog is finally going to get you noticed (probably not, tho). Or maybe your Etsy shop selling hand-crocheted underwear is going to hit the big time. Who f*cking knows.

You may also reap the emotional rewards of helping out your community in an act or service. Maybe you decided to head to Virginia Beach for a cleanup after the white trash and redneck triathlon came through over Memorial Day. Think how good you’ll feel to know you’re better than all those people!

Capricorn

Seize the f*cking weekend, Capricorn. You’re totally into the idea of seizing the moment and living in the present this weekend, which is great considering Monday at work will probably blow, and that spin class next week is giving you hella anxiety. If you’re one of a couple, you’ll have some tender feels with your partner and remember why you first decided to start dating. How presh! If you’re single, your complete maturity (not applicable to dank memes) may attract someone interesting. Either way, live in the moment and be you, Capri-Sun. Kisses.

Aquarius

Get that fairy tale ending, Aquarius. You’ve never shied away from the idea of having it all, and this weekend you’ll double down on that promise to yourself.  Your end game around a romance might seem vague to the casual onlooker, but the truth is that you’re steadily working behind the scenes to orchestrate your happy ending. The plan is so stealthy that sometimes you’re not even aware of how your subtle moves are turning the dial in your favor. Whether you’re coupled or single, the story remains the same. There’s something that you’re after and you’re busy working behind closed doors to make it happen.

Pisces

You’re loyal AF, Pisces, and everybody knows it. This weekend, your ability to be more loyal than an AKC-winning Golden Retriever will be on full display, and everyone will think you’re rad. Whether it’s a friend hoping you do the right thing (like not tell everyone they got diarrhea in Barnes & Noble) or your unwavering ability to never miss your bestie’s yoga class even though you f*cking hate yoga, your true allegiance will earn you some goddamn respect and help you bend others to your will. Yay.

Aries

Have some f*cking confidence, Aries. The end of the week sees you THIIIIS close to sealing a deal at work—be it a big project, career change, or long-sought goal. Turn on your charm and seal the deal. In the love department, Venus in Taurus is doin’ a dance with Saturn, which translates to your weekend giving you super amazing self perception which will help your love life in the long run. Don’t undercut or undervalue yourself. You deserve to have it all, a partner just as comfortable with your stained hoodie collection as they are with your ability to class it up at a gala after downing a bucket of fried chicken.

Taurus

With the moon and Venus merging on Friday, love is in your near future, Taurus. Pluto has you easily weeding out the bullsh*t which, if you’re single, can help you spot f*ckboys and douchers a mile away. That’ll help you avoid terrible dates in future. Elsewhere this weekend, embrace your inner bull, and don’t shy away from truly being yourself. If you wanna go to the clerb and dance on strangers, go for it. If you’re into re-watching all of seasons 1 and 2 of A Handmaid’s Tale, that sounds depressing, but you do you. Demand respect from long-time romantic partners who may judge your shenanigans or new loves that aren’t sure about your current career path (or lack thereof).

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As I’m sure many of you can relate to, I did not enter January feeling the best I’ve ever felt about my body. Honestly, forget holiday weight gain—I hadn’t successfully lost weight since a stomach bug last May, and the whole thing was starting to feel hopeless. In 2019, I’d already tried a juice cleanse (painful, results gone within a week), and macro counting (exhausting! very difficult without professional advice on what to eat). So finally, I turned to intermittent fasting. I am in no way a nutritionist, and I cannot tell you whether IF is “good for you,” or give you a scathing review of whether or not the science behind it is legit. What I can tell you is that I had a tough 10 days, and a surprising set of results. If that’s enough for you, read on for my experience with intermittent fasting

What I Expected From Intermittent Fasting

If you’re interested in learning more about the science behind IF (intermittent fasting), or the different ways you can do it, I used these three articles as guides. Like I said, I’m not a nutritionist, and I truly don’t want my advice here to be the last word on whether or not you embark on a major diet change. Please believe me—it is a MAJOR change. I understood the merits of IF in two ways before starting. First, I learned that periods of fasting decrease insulin production and boost growth hormones—both of which mean nothing to me, but they apparently help boost metabolism, burn fat, and gain muscle. Second, by limiting your “eating window” (a term my friends would literally pay me to stop hearing at this point), you’re meant to limit overall calories (e.g. you can’t eat breakfasts anymore; you skip seven breakfasts’ worth of calories per week).

Have some objections to that second point? Yeah, me too—don’t worry, we’ll get there. But just to be clear with my intentions for IF: I wanted to lose weight. Not a drastic amount, especially not in 10 days; I know all too well that that weight just comes right back. But losing maybe 1, 1.5 pounds? If nothing else, just to prove that my body was still capable of weight loss after all the weird diets I’d put it through. So, I decided on a 16:8 routine (16 hour fast, 8 hour eating window), and set off on my 10-day journey.

Actual footage of me putting together diet plans and not shutting the f*ck up about it:

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Gluten is something every girl becomes allergic to when they go to college. @fatcarriebradshaw

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How Fasting Actually Felt

Despite most recommendations for 16:8 suggesting eating 12-8pm (or even earlier), I set mine from 2-10pm. First of all, I struggle way more with snacking at night than I do during the day, and I didn’t want to set myself up for failure. Second of all, I have a standing Bachelor date Monday nights, and no way in hell was I sitting through Colton’s journey for love without a healthy dose of wine and pizza. The first few days were mostly the same: I showed up to work around 10 (usually when I eat breakfast) and had unpleasant but bearable waves of hunger until 2pm. This included stomach cramps (worst when I woke up, or when someone ate a delicious-looking bagel near me), and a few headaches. Water and black coffee helped, but honestly more in terms of keeping me awake than making me feel better.

The first mistake I made that week? On Day 3, I went to a spin class at 8am (a disgusting habit I picked up in LA). Not only did I nearly die from hunger that morning, I forgot the parameters of my eating window and ate until 10:30pm that night. While I worried I’d messed everything up, and was starting to question how healthy it was anyway, I woke up on Day 4 “feeling LIGHT” (per my detailed notes). My stomach felt flatter, my digestion was good, and my hunger cramps were clearing up sooner. Everything seemed good. And then, as must happen to all diets, the weekend came along.

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But ya know what, we had fun, right? New episode is here!!! Link in bio or betches.co/dst @notskinnybutnotfat

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I was spending that particular weekend in Salt Lake City, crashing some friends’ ski trip. (I don’t ski, I just wanted to drink in a cabin for a weekend.) In preparation, I switched my eating window for the weekend to 4pm-12am. After all, if I was going to make IF my long-term eating pattern, it had to be something I could do while maintaining a social life. And my social life right now involves ingesting calories after 10pm. (I say “involves,” but really that’s all my social life is.) I also weighed myself Friday morning, but both of the scales turned out to be broken, and both told me I’d gained 16 pounds in the past two weeks.

So, even though I’d woken up Friday feeling light and lean, I spent most of that day questioning reality and trying not to eat my own hand. By the time I could eat at 4pm, my body went into full animal mode, terrified I would fast for another 18 hours at any moment. Basically, I filled the day with airport snacks, a pasta dinner, and bags of Cheetos and mini Oreos the Airbnb host had left behind. Yes, right up until midnight. Saturday and Sunday, I accompanied the non-skiing group to two massive brunches and fasted through both, for which I would like several medals. (Insta proof below.)

Throughout the weekend, I felt like the bloating and general gross-ness I’d kicked during the week was back—but mostly I blamed the type of food I was eating (processed garbage and desserts, yum), and it was more of an internal “yuck” than an “oh sh*t, these pants are not fun to button.” The final few days I focused on drinking sh*t tons of water, eating more real foods and fewer snacks, and bringing my eating window back to a reasonable range. (AKA Monday I ate 4-11; Tuesday I ate 3-10; Wednesday I could eat at 2 again.) But honestly, I never quite kicked the bloated feeling from the weekend and I was still freaked out by the scale disaster Friday. By the time I went back to regular eating, it didn’t come a minute too soon.

Pros & Cons I Felt On Intermittent Fasting

I would need a licensed professional to confirm or deny this, but I suspect that I messed up by making my eating window so late on the weekend. Like I said, I am a chronic night-snacker—which means I’ve read all the advice on how it’s the worst thing you can do for your body and how you’re meant to give your body 2-4 hours of not eating before bed. I’ve also been a yo-yo dieter for years, and heard rumors of starvation mode (when your body’s metabolic rate slows down bc it thinks you’re dying and need the food) if you deprive your body of calories irresponsibly. Again, IDK for sure what happened, but once I started eating from 4pm-12am it felt like my body panicked, shut down any fat-burning processes, and held onto whatever calories I did consume for dear life.

In other words, with a later eating window, my digestion slowed, my usual bloated feeling returned, and it quickly seemed like a terrible idea. And while my 2-10pm eating window had made me feel lighter after a few days, it had also allowed me to stop thinking so carefully about what I was eating. I would try to break my fast with a big, healthy meal, but I was way more relaxed about carb content, afternoon snacking, and eating desserts. As long as I stopped at 10pm, I was still technically on a diet—right?

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these are my terms | @jessiejolles

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Yeah, I wasn’t right. People who promote IF assume that you’ll eat fewer calories if given less time, but they’ve clearly never been to a timed buffet. I can’t say for sure whether I was eating more calories while I did IF, but I really doubt I was eating fewer (and definitely not on the weekend). And overeating with 16-hour breaks isn’t a diet: it’s just eating the same amount and giving you a better shot at digesting it properly. By the time I found a less f*cked up scale that Friday, I found I was two pounds heavier from the whole experiment.

BUT—and again I have no way of proving this—I felt like it was possible that part of that weight gain was muscle. I’m the kind of person who can (and has) temporarily gained two pounds from a large meal, and I’m very familiar with what that feels like. This weight gain, however, felt different.

To sum up my very scientific impression of how my body changed during this process, I felt like I was roughly the same size but less jiggly—like my pants were maybe a little tighter in the legs, but looser in the waist. It wasn’t my goal, and I still have five pounds I’d like to lose, but I’ve experienced worse results on more painful regimes.

Overall, would I recommend intermittent fasting, or ever do it again? Kind of! I would recommend trying a few different eating windows and seeing what works best for you, for sure. I might try incorporating a 24-hour fast once a week, since I’d had good short-term results with a few days of fasting. Ultimately, I think incorporating a couple fasting periods helped me shed some bloat and regulate digestion—but extending the fasts and confusing my body on when to expect food backfired. As much as I hate to say it, I have to accept that this wasn’t a “weight loss hack” by any means. If I actually want to see a lower number on the scale, I will have to consume fewer calories. Until then, I’ll be accepting tips on how the f*ck I’m supposed to enjoy an evening at home without eating until the second I fall asleep.

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water does not make me full ?? | @jaredfreid

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It’s time to say goodbye, Virgos. It’s the last weekend of Virgo season before we move into Libra territory. When the Sun is in Libra, you’ll be all about seeking peace and harmony in your relationships, at home, and at work. I guess this is your last weekend to be a total b*tch to friends and make a bunch of enemies before you have to be all nicey-nice. Ugh, thanks Libra. Here are your weekend horoscopes for September 21-23.

Aries

Just because you’re feeling vulnerable doesn’t mean you need to sabotage your relationships. Usually, you operate on the following motto: if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Throw that thinking out like celery you planned to eat but then let rot in your fridge. This weekend, good things happen to good people and you’re, like, the best person.

Taurus

The Sun in Virgo synchs up with Juno in your sign this weekend. (Juno is an asteroid that has an influence similar to Venus, not the outdated web browser, btw.) That means your friends turn to you for stability. Well, okay, maybe not stability, but they will trust you to be sober enough to order the Lyft to the right address and set multiple drop-off points to ensure no one has to get out at a random bodega 10 blocks from home.

Gemini

Don’t let your Debbie Downer friend be a drag on your fun this weekend. Like, sorry Katie, I know a guy you went out with on two dates won’t text you back, but we don’t need to keep talking about his Snapchat stories at our pregame. Give the squeaky wheel in your friend group some tough love so you can enjoy your vodka sodas in peace.

Cancer

The Sun and asteroid Juno synch up in your people zones this weekend, making it easy to make new friends. Acquaintances and people you literally just met won’t think you’re weird when you tell them that extremely embarrassing and personal story. In fact, they’ll probably find you quite charming and relatable for really putting it all out there.

Leo

It’s a great weekend for you to socialize. It’s not such a great weekend to be making any life-changing decisions. Your head is just not in the game to think seriously and critically. Don’t accept a proposal. Don’t sign a mortgage. And definitely, DEFINITELY don’t agree to go on a run with someone the morning after you’ve been drinking.

Virgo

The Sun is still in your sign so that means you should definitely live it up while you’re still #blessed this weekend. Likewise, asteroid Juno is in your house of higher consciousness. That means you could fall for someone you think you could learn from. It’s best to stay away from your T.A. at the tailgate this weekend. Sure, a makeout could help you get an A in a class you hate, but you don’t want to find out what happens when it goes south.

Libra

There’s a lot happening in your houses of secrecy, intimacy, and transformation. Your energy is all about acting on your inner desires. Want to find out what happens when you stop using shampoo or some sh*t? Test it out. Need to know if you could be into beer? Time for a keg stand. It’s all about exploring yourself and discovering your unique likes and dislikes. Yolo.

Scorpio

It’s the last great weekend for you to party until your birthday rolls around in, like, two months. When the Sun rolls into Libra, you’ll want to go into hiding to collect your thoughts and make some goals for your next year of life. So, really, you have no other option than to go HAM this weekend.

Sagittarius

You’ve been in the spotlight for the past few months thanks to the position of the Sun. Consider this weekend your swan song. It might be time to leave the stage for a while so someone else can have the spotlight, or, like, so that the mistakes you’re about to make don’t have many witnesses. That being said, stage dive into the weekend. Might as well go out with a standing ovation.

Capricorn

You’ll find meaning and purpose this weekend thanks to the relationship between the Sun and asteroid Juno. You have opportunities for personal growth. Maybe this is the weekend where you don’t respond to the “U Up?” text from your ex. Maybe this is the weekend you black out but don’t lose your keys, phone and wallet. See, you’re growing up. Awwwww.

Aquarius

Someone close to you is ready to offer you their full support this weekend. It just might be the boost you need to get out of a funk or to escape your comfort zone. Hopefully it’s, like, financial support though, right? I mean, it’s a lot easier to be your best self and achieve self-actualization if someone else is bankrolling you.

Pisces

The Sun and asteroid Juno are aligned in your people zones, making you relatable, sociable, and likable. You won’t just be the entertainer this weekend—through all your socializing you’ll realize something about yourself. By Sunday, you’ll probably realize that you’re actually an introvert and hate having to be around people all the time. Ugh, exhausting.

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Mercury will stop retrograding over the weekend so you can get back to living your best life. Of course, nothing is perfect and there are a few other planets still in retrograde, so if you don’t feel like you’re back on your A game, that’s why. With Mercury out of retrograde, you’re less likely to run into an ex or send an embarrassing drunk text to your boss by accident. Therefore, you can let your hair down a little bit and go back to your favorite bars without the fear of running into Ryan who you ghosted three weeks ago. Here are your weekend horoscopes for August 17-19:

Aries

Don’t be shy with your feelings this week. You’re less likely to receive negative feedback since Mercury is out of retrograde. You’ll probably receive a positive response when you open up about how you feel, so if you were waiting to DTR, you’re safe to have that chat now. Also, the planets keep your mood and delivery light and fun. Really, there’s no better time to shoot your shot on the dating apps or with that guy that’s had a target on his back since you met.

Taurus

The Moon teaming up with Jupiter in Scorpio is revealing what’s possible in a partnership. That’s great if your eyes have been opened to a possible relationship. Maybe you can move a guy from the back burner into more serious territory. It’s not so great if you just start the pattern of emotional masturbation. You know, like when you create a Pinterest board for the wedding you and a guy you just matched with will have in the future. Yikes. This weekend, be positive, but not too creepy. One date at a time, betch.

Gemini

Normally, the best advice for you is to put down your phone and just enjoy what’s actually happening in real life. This weekend, though, that’s not the case. Keep your phone handy, because your world will revolve around what’s happening on screen. Whether you fire up the dating apps for a little casual flirting or take it to Sext Town with a long-distance fling, just make sure you keep things light and fun. Girl, Mercury is just getting out of retrograde. Wait to settle down and be more serious, or that relationship will be doomed from the start.

Cancer

Did you already have an Ikea trip planned for this weekend? If not, you might want to get on it. Mercury in your house of money and possessions, syncing with beauty-conscious Venus in your home zone, will make you want to nest like a motherf*cker. Is that a thing? Anyway, you also should hit up the vintage stores and flea markets. Your haggling skills will be on point all weekend, so you might score a gem for cheap. Psh, Joanna Gaines has nothing on you.

Leo

The power of your words is strong this weekend. One of your friends has been going through a rough time. You don’t even have to think about who that is, do you? You probably were holding back because you didn’t know exactly what to say to that person. Well, you absolutely need to get over yourself and come through with some kind words of encouragement right now. Don’t worry about how it will be received. The thought alone will mean more to them than you could even know. Awwwww. That’s sweet.

Virgo

Sure, you can do your plotting and planning for something big this weekend, but you should probably keep those plans on the DL. Mercury syncing with  Venus in your money zone means keeping the details under wraps will prevent others from ruining everything. You know how, like, when you tell people what you’re up to they immediately want to jump in with suggestions? Trust that you don’t need the advice from others this time around.

Libra

Learn to take a freaking compliment this weekend. It feels weird to get so much praise from others, but it’s super f*cking rude to tell someone their compliment to you isn’t true. Mercury in your social eleventh house syncing with Venus in your sign will allow you to feel good about yourself, so don’t deny it. Likewise, take each bit of constructive criticism for what it’s worth. Because Christian your hair stylist said you could use some highlights doesn’t mean he thinks you’re a hideous beast. He’s really just looking out for you, honey.

Scorpio

Your secretive side is really coming out this weekend. You want to keep all personal information close to your chest. Which is fine, but you can probably tell your roommate who you’re going on a date with so she knows who to blame if you end up dead in a ditch somewhere. Sure, that’s morbid, but your total and complete shadiness isn’t really protecting anyone this weekend. Feel free to give a little bit of info away. Trust me, you won’t lose your sense of mystery at all.

Sagittarius

This weekend, the Moon teams up with your Jupiter ruler and is awakening the depths of your psyche. Don’t be surprised if you have a total and complete realization about something over happy hour margaritas. You might even wake up from your Friday/Saturday night blackout with a whole new lease on life. There’s no need to meditate on your life and choices. This weekend the answers will magically just come to you. You’re welcome.

Capricorn

You need to get something embarrassing off your chest. Sure, you’ve gone over the conversation in your head a million times, but you don’t really feel prepared for this discussion. Pretend that you’re mature for, like, a minute and just get it over with. Pull it off quick like a Band-Aid so we can all move on with our lives. It can’t be that bad, can it? I mean, unless you’re telling someone that they’re going to need to take some antibiotics after a night together, this won’t be the worst convo you’ve ever had to have. K?

Aquarius

If you’re feeling awkward at a social function this weekend, I’m sorry, but you can’t blame Mercury in retrograde anymore. Now it’s just a problem with your personality. JK, but really. Mercury’s relationship to Venus this weekend could put you in a crowd with a different background than you. Work on finding common ground. If that doesn’t work, just tell an embarrassing story about yourself. I sure you have plenty of those. Plus, it makes you look normal and approachable. What’s not to love?

Pisces

Your weekend horoscope calls for you to end up at a destination that’s out of the norm. Whether you find yourself at a rodeo or fair—hey, I’m the Wicked Betch of the West; it’s just what we do out here—your surroundings won’t be typical. The best course of action is to do as the Romans do. Don’t get too caught up in trying to look cool. You’ll definitely never see this group of people again. Get in, get your Insta, get out and move on without thinking too much about it.

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Ah, yes. Memorial Day weekend, the first of the major summer holiday weekends. Sure, we often overlook Memorial Day in favor of July 4th and Labor Day, but it’s an excuse to drink WHILE celebrating the troops, so we should really pay more attention. Thank goodness your Memorial Day weekend horoscopes seem pretty conducive to having a really great time. It’s not too early to break out the American Flag bikini, so here are your weekend horoscopes for May 25-27.

Aries

Jupiter teaming up with Neptune provides you with the perfect formula to discover a hidden talent. The combination triggers an awakening of your inner life. When you’re at the Memorial Day barbecues this weekend, you’ll pity the poor sap who wants to challenge you to beer pong or corn hole. Others will have no idea the planets make you talented even while tipsy on Coors Light and red, white and blue Jell-O shots.

Taurus

Thanks to the planets (and everyone in America wanting to vacation this weekend), your travel plans could be the victim of a major SNAFU. It’s best to keep things close to home. If your friends are losers and didn’t get it together in time to make plans, you need to take on the role of hostess. Like, how hard can grilling some hamburgers and impregnating a watermelon with vodka really be?

Gemini

As it’s the first weekend of Gemini season, it seems only appropriate that you go HAM this Memorial Day. Remind your friends that since it’s your birthday month, you shouldn’t be required to host, plan, pay for any of the weekend’s festivities. You’re not being a bitch, you’re just taking advantage of your god-given right to not be responsible for anything when the Sun is in your sign.

Cancer

You might feel some anxiety about your love life over the weekend. The Moon is making you more sensitive, so something that might not usually bother you could really fuck you up. If you can’t stand your boyfriend looking at other girls, maybe don’t bring him to a pool party where everyone will be wearing side-boob revealing one pieces. Maybe just dump him instead.

Leo

You won’t feel better about whatever is on your mind right now by isolating yourself this weekend. If you wanted to skip out on Memorial Day fun to brood, don’t. The best thing for you right now is to get your mind off that shit while being surrounded by hot dudes, friends, and booze. Feeling sorry for yourself can wait until next week.

Virgo

As the Moon collides with Virgo this weekend, you might be feeling a bit needier than usual. Saturn’s power over you will cause you to want to stay strong and tough and not admit you could use some extra attention. Classic Virgo. If you can’t humble yourself enough to reach out to friends, disguise your neediness by being the organizer of the weekend events. No one will catch on to you being sort of pathetic right now.

Libra

Confidence is key, and this weekend you have a lot of it. You could be tempted to show off a little more than usual, but before you enter that wet T-shirt contest (do they even still have those?), remember that your choices have repercussions. What you do this weekend could live on forever on the internet. Think twice if you ever want to get a job again.

Scorpio

Jupiter and Neptune’s relationship to each other will have you reigniting an old flame this weekend. Whether it be running into a past hookup you’d like to revisit or you’re in a relationship that could use a little TLC, things are looking a little spicier this weekend. Thank goodness you get a long weekend to live out your fantasies.

Sagittarius

It’s important that you clear the air at the beginning of the weekend so negative energy or drama doesn’t haunt you all weekend long. The last thing you want is to be ruining the fun as you stand next to the grill, drunkenly yelling at Kate for not inviting you to her last girls’ night. Don’t fuck up everyone else’s weekend because you can’t pull a Katy Perry and extend an olive branch.

Capricorn

This weekend is about trusting your gut. If your intuition tells you not to hook up with the guy who looks like he has HPV, you should probably not hook up with that guy even if he is kind of dirty/hot. BTW, that’s probably not Russel Brand, it’s just a homeless guy. Trust yourself when you get that “Oh, honey, it’s not worth it” feeling, even if it does sort of seem like fun at the time.

Aquarius

Go after what you want this weekend. The planets have aligned to make your wildest dreams come true. This is definitely a weekend to ask yourself “why the fuck not?” You’ll be really surprised when something you never thought would happen comes to fruition just because you put yourself out there. Go for it. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Pisces

That Pisces intuition is firing on all cylinders this weekend. You’re the watchdog for your friends, because you can see a mistake they’re making before they even make it. So when Rachel is about to get in the water with a white bikini after telling you she missed her last waxing appointment, feel free to step in. You’re not a wet blanket, you’re the best friend a girl could have.

Images: Giphy (6)

Planets are piling the fuck up in Capricorn, making most signs itch for status. Gaining status in the form of Instagram likes, Hinge matches, Venmo payments from strangers etc. will be priority numero uno this weekend. Thanks god the weather is better, right? Time to freshen up that Instagram feed and watch the DMs roll in. Here’s your weekend horoscope May 4 through 6.

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Images: Giphy (6)

Mars moves into Sagittarius to start the weekend so if you’re literally dying to get out of your apartment, that might be why. Let’s hope your adventures involve good times and new experiences, and not, like, waking up next to a toilet after too many moscow mules. Wait, are people even drinking those anymore? I don’t fuckin’ know. Anyway, here are your horoscopes.

Aries

Mars entering your ruler Sagittarius makes you, like, super restless. Make a plan of what you’d actually like to accomplish this weekend so you don’t end up just taking an Adderall and scrubbing your kitchen with a toothbrush or some shit.

Taurus

Your priority this weekend is passion—of the sexual variety. Like, good for you. If you’re single and ready to fucking mingle, don’t shy away from opportunities to socialize with a different crowd. If you’re taken, well, do I even have to tell you what’s in store? You already know.

Gemini

Mars in Sagittarius is causing you to partner up. You’ll feel like if someone is not 100% on you’re team, they’re against you.  Your confrontational side is coming out this weekend so any bitch that tries to step to you or your friends better beware.

Cancer

You’re on a mission to get shit done this weekend. You’ve probably been making a list in your iPhone notes of stuff you’ve been needing to do, i.e. clean the chair in your bedroom you can no longer see because it’s stacked with clothes. Just bite the bullet and knock those projects out in your downtime so they don’t haunt you all next week.

Leo

You’re generally pretty competitive, but that side really comes out as Mars enters Sagittarius and hangs out there until mid-March. If you’re down to work out this weekend, try a class that highlights your competitive nature. Avoid yoga and Pilates and shit because no one wants to be on a mat next to the girl who is trying to hard to outdo them in every move like a psycho.

Virgo

You’re in the mood to get things sorted out. That could mean you’re in the mood to organize your space, or it could mean that there are some lingering questions in your relationships you’d like to get some answers to. Bring shit up with others before Sunday when tempers can flare and really fuck shit up.

Libra

You’re being a little pushy, Libra. This weekend, it’s your way or the motherfucking highway. You’ll want to dominate conversation and take the lead in any activity you and your friends try to do. If your dominating personality is going to piss someone off, um, just don’t invite them to the group hang.

Scorpio

You recently said something you shouldn’t have and you’ll probably continue to pay the price for that this weekend. So, part of your weekend will probably be spent trying to make amends for that. It’s best you fix whatever it is before Sunday, because shit could escalate by the beginning of next week.

Sagittarius

Your “can do” Sagittarius attitude has returned with full force. That’s great if you have a lot of shit you want to do this weekend and someone to do it with who is equally as enthusiastic. But don’t be surprised if your friends roll their eyes when you suggest waking up at 5:00am to go skiing on Saturday.

Capricorn

After all your birthday excitement in the last month, the only thing you’re in a rush to do is take it slow. Don’t let your roommate lazy-shame you for not changing out of your pajamas all weekend and ordering Postmates for every meal. Your relaxation is priority numero uno and everyone else can fuck off.

Aquarius

The Sun in your sign continues to give you a double dose of energy all month long. You’ll also be showered with attention and invites this weekend as that Sun acts like a spotlight on your sign. Careful with the mimosas Sunday morning, though. You might blurt out information that you hoped to keep to yourself.

Pisces

With Mars entering your house of status, you’ll probably be down to do a little social-climbing this weekend, but, like, in the best way possible. Spend the weekend working things to your advantage. The connections you make this weekend could help you in your career and social life down the road. Get after it, betch.

Images: Jade Masri / Unsplash; Giphy ( 6 )