Being in quarantine means we have lots of time to read about things going wrong while we’re sitting inside, in our daytime pajamas, living through a sort of dystopian hellscape. Yes, I’m mostly referring to reading the news, but I’m also talking about crazy wedding stories. Remember a time when things other than our country/ecomony/healthcare system were falling apart? Good times. For real, we feel super horrible for any bride who’s had to cancel or even postpone her big day because of COVID-19. But, to find a little silver lining, at least you could cancel your big day and not end up as a crazy wedding story submission on our site. Even the ‘rona can’t take away entitled, outrageous, or ill-equipped brides, and for that, we are thankful.
Which brings us to today’s story, submitted to us by a reader at [email protected]. It’s a sordid tale of love, wood chips, goose sh*t, and people drunk on jungle juice. Sounds like a frat party—but unfortunately for all who witnessed this unholy matrimony, it’s not.
Setting The Scene
This story starts out like so many others: with a bride asking her BFF to be in her wedding. Yay! It always seems like it won’t be a big undertaking, but, it will be a big undertaking. It’s always a f*cking big undertaking. Our submitter writes:
“This was my best friend’s wedding. I get asked to be a bridesmaid. I tell her to take her time planning the wedding and not to rush, but she decides to rush anyway, despite not having any money.
A week before the wedding, bride finally decides to visit the outdoor ceremony venue, knowing months prior that there would also be a fair starting on that same street an hour after, so people could be setting up early, and parking would be hard to find. She said she was going barefoot in a park, near water, where geese frequent. She has a full-on meltdown about how she’s screwed, even though she should have known, having been to this park many times throughout her life, knowing it’s near water, etc. Her parents, meanwhile, were planning to flatten their backyard for the tented reception, and never got any responses, so never pursued it further, and didn’t get the ground flattened, therefore a tent couldn’t go up. At this point, one week out, they have no ceremony or reception venue. The neighbours then decide to save the day, and suggest the ceremony be on their front lawn, and the tent can go on their back lawn, which is flattened and all gravel. The bride also originally planned on having no dance floor, so people could just ‘dance with bare feet on the grass’.”
I don’t know if “rushing” means trying to plan a wedding in six months orrrrr trying to plan a wedding in 10 weeks. Those are two v different things.
BUT, despite rushing, a bride going to visit her venue only ONE WEEK before a wedding is absolutely f*cking insane. I must have visited my venue five or six times in the year that we planned our wedding. This makes me think that there was no actual “venue” planned and the bride was planning to just roll up to the park with an entire wedding reception in tow.
And then to have to rely on neighbors to save the day with a backyard gravel reception? This is shaping up to be a whole disaster. I am a little sad that the reception didn’t actually take place in the park where people would have been slipping and falling because of goose sh*t. Darn.
Going Downhill
Naturally, things are only going to get worse from the rushed backyard planning debacle.
“Now, it’s 3 days out, with forecasted rain for the wedding day and two days prior, with no back-up for the ceremony or cocktail hour. The ground is a mud pit, so while the bride goes to get her nails done, I help her father, who was planning to SINGLE-HANDEDLY shovel 2 truckloads of wood chips and spread them within the tented area. Now, they’re worried about splinters, so her father, the male neighbour and I build a dance floor out of scrap wood (which was actually very structurally sound, surprisingly). At this point, I was getting 3-4 hours of sleep per night, while the husband-to-be didn’t even know what time the wedding started at until the day prior.”
First off, jazz snaps for the groom-to-be not knowing what time his own wedding was starting. I think, you’ll find, that most grooms are in the same boat with that one. Also, of COURSE the gravel pit would fill with water and mud. Sounds like a good time and right up the alley for a bride who wanted to dance barefoot in the grass. I mean, let’s just dance barefoot in the mud at that point. It sounds GREAT.
Also, is this submitter a guy or a really strong betch? Like, I wouldn’t be caught dead shoveling f*cking wood chips or building a dance floor out of scrap wood. What the f*ck am I? A lumberjack? I have a communications degree, which makes me 100% useless at anything involving the outdoors (except drinking on towels).
The Big Day
Did you think things would improve from here? Like the clusterf*ck that is the current state of our country, this wedding only gets worse.
“The wedding day arrives. It’s still raining slightly, still have no back-up plans, I’m running around like crazy trying to help. It stops raining right before the ceremony, the bride is yelling at her controlling aunt who was trying to tell people when to walk down the aisle (incorrectly), and they get married. I help run cocktail hour, which involved pouring bottles of vodka in with Hawaiian Punch and iced tea, while the other bridesmaids drank. As the reception starts, the now-husband walks into the tent with the bride trailing behind, which makes for an awkward moment for everyone.”
There are way too many wrongs here for me to even comment on half of them, but can we all take a moment to appreciate the mixture of Hawaiian Punch and vodka being served during cocktail hour? Like, between that, the handmade dance floor, and a mud pit, this is shaping up to be a white trash triathlon. God bless America! Although, judging by the extra “u’s” in some of these words, I’m guessing this wedding took place somewhere fancy, like Canada or England. Good to know they can be just as trashy as us!
A Reception To Remember
Yikes. As you can imagine, the reception isn’t really any better than the wedding.
“Night goes on, the step-father to the groom keeps making shots, citing his previous youth experience of being a bartender. At some point, my boyfriend disappears, and I assume it’s to go to the bathroom, because they only brought 2 porta-potties for the 100 guest wedding, which were very small. One of the bridesmaids and her boyfriend have started fighting, after having drank all night, and it gets physical. She punches him in the face, he tries to stop her, she rips his shirt, and my boyfriend (who weighs probably 40lbs less than either of them) tries to keep the peace. The bride eventually finds out through the grapevine, and leaves for the night, also yelling and mad.”
Is a wedding even a wedding without a fist fight? I don’t know what to feel, except that, my God, I wish I’d been there. Also, only having two Port-a-Potties at a wedding where you’re serving actual jungle juice sounds like a recipe for someone (me) throwing up in some bushes.
If nothing else, we give jazz snaps to the submitter of this story. It made us all forget about quarantine for a hot sec, and, hopefully, made some of you postponed wedding kids feel a little better for a few minutes. Kisses.
Images: Volker Vornehm / Shutterstock.com; Giphy (4)
Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.
Once again, we prove two things thanks to internet stories. First, weddings make everyone lose all sense of proper decorum (if they ever had it to begin with, I guess, is up for debate). That’s why we continue to post these week after week. Second, which is not relevant to all crazy wedding stories, but certainly this one: The bar for men is literally buried roughly six to 20 feet below ground. It’s stories like these that make me thankful I’m married to a guy who is willing to make compromises and sacrifices, which is more than the groom in this Reddit story is willing to do. But, wait, isn’t that the whole point of marriage? That and the tax breaks. My husband also wore a suit to our wedding, which again, seems like the baseline standard, but is apparently too much for this Reddit groom. But enough from me—read the story for yourself.
The Set-Up
Reddit’s AITA (Am I The Asshole) forum proves, once again, that it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Today’s story is written by a groomzilla who insists he be wearing the most comfy clothes on his f*cking wedding day. Never mind that this is supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime event (or maybe not, given his attitude so far), that his bride-to-be seems to have some goddamn standards, or that you can’t put a price on class. He writes:
“Groom here. My fiancee and I are getting married in about a year. She’s already started shopping for her wedding dress and asked me to start taking a look at suits. Honestly, though, I’m really not much of a suit and tie kind of guy, and I dress extremely casually in my day-to-day life. Obviously, I’m going to make a point to look sharper than usual for the wedding. I’m planning to wear my favorite pair of jeans with a blazer and a decent button-up shirt, which should be comfortable while still looking nice.”
Awwww you poor thing! You aren’t much of a suit guy, huh? You, uh, can’t make an exception on your wedding day? Life sounds rough, bro! I wish we had a picture of this guy so I can settle in my mind whether he’s a douchey hipster with a man bun, a redneck that owns a small collection of Confederate paraphernalia, or a former member of TKE who owns a Crossfit gym and works the word “bro” into 90% of conversations.
Oh wait—he’s got a solution! He’s going to make A POINT to “look sharper than usual”! What a gem this guy is! And how, pray tell, does he plan to up his usual, I assume, Walmart sweatsuit look for the day he weds the love of his life? With his “favorite pair of jeans with a blazer and a decent button-up shirt”! Wow! Omg! This girl is LUCKY! I wonder how many PlentyofFish.com dates she went on before she met him? What a solid 10. I would give my left tit to shake his hand.
Fight Me
Mr. Personality goes on with his sob story about how he should get to wear whatever he wants without people judging him. It’s like women fighting for the right to wear cute sh*t without being cat-called, basically. I can smell his incredible activist spirit. This guy’s a true pioneer for men’s rights.
“My fiancee got really upset when I said I wasn’t going to wear a suit. She thinks jeans are way too casual for a wedding and says I’m going to look ridiculous and underdressed. But I don’t think that’s true. It’s not like I’m showing up in overalls and no shirt or something dumb like that, and I was a groomsman in a wedding just last year where all the guys wore jeans and suspenders.
I would never in a million years tell my fiancee what to wear to our wedding, because that would be insanely controlling, so I don’t think she should get a say in what I wear. AITA?
Edit: The wedding is in the woods at a forest preserve, if that makes a difference.”
There’s a lot to f*cking unpack here. Let’s go backwards: the wedding is in a forest preserve, as if that makes a difference. I’m pretty sure you should still wear something a bit more upscale than jeans to your WEDDING. Additionally, did you really bring in the whole “it’s controlling for my fiancee to tell me what to wear” argument? This is not the same thing as you telling her she can’t wear a low-cut top to go out with her friends because you don’t want guys checking out her cleavage. Plus, how f*cking stupid are you going to look standing next to a woman in a $2k dress while you’re in your “favorite” jeans?
My favorite argument point though, by far, is the “it’s not like I’m showing up in overalls and no shirt.” I’m sorry, but what? Neither jeans and a “decent button-up” nor “overalls and no shirt” are acceptable attire for a wedding. This brings me back to my “what kind of guy is he” question and, I think, clearly, the answer is option B, a redneck with Confederate paraphernalia. It’s the only way I can explain being a part of a wedding where gentlemen would ever consider wearing overalls on purpose.
Is He The Asshole?
Reddit and I have spoken and, yes, this guy is a f*cking asshole. Go ahead and @ me in the comments about men’s rights. There’s absolutely no reason this f*cker can’t dress up and throw his fiancée a bone for one day. Congratulations on your now-permanent position in every Facebook wedding shaming group of all time, Groomzilla. You’re arguing about wearing an outfit not acceptable to a job interview to your effing wedding. Give me a break.
My favorite comment, by far, on this thread comes from someone with the unfortunate handle of DefetiveCuckachoo:
There are two of you in this relationship. That means you need to learn to work together on common goals, and lift each other up, if you want to jealously assert freedoms and rights and boundaries then you aren’t partners, you are hostile neighbours at best.
Your fiance has normal expectations for your wedding day, and you are basically putting your feet up, rolling a blunt, blowing a cloud of smoke in her face, laughing about it and saying “IDGAF babe!” YTA.
PREAAAAAAAAACH. My only comment is that, hey, don’t bring the jazz cabbage into this.
Images: Waldemar Brandt, Unsplash; Giphy (3)
Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.
Brides can get kind of spooky as the big day gets closer. Like, if their flowers aren’t perfect, or their hair doesn’t look just like the Pinterest pic, or their bridesmaids don’t pay for a bachelorette rager… beware. It’s kind of like The Purge, but with more flowers and personalized gifts. In our case and with this story, we’ve got one out-of-control couple who is literally ready to charge their guests an additional fee if they don’t stay where Mr. and Mrs. Demandypants say. I’m skipping through the introductions here because I don’t want to give too much of the story away.
The Invite
Basically, the invitation in question, uploaded to the Reddit Trashy page, lays it all out for ya. The below was printed ON a couple’s wedding invitation.
So, okay, this sounds pretty rude when you look at it. Like, it’s one thing to have a hotel block somewhere, but to charge guests a fee if they don’t want to stay at the bride and groom’s probably expensive pick? That’s way harsh. Not to mention, how are they going to enforce that fee? An invoice? Small claims court? If you are charged the fee, can you factor that out of your gifts? The whole thing just feels tacky.
HOWEVER, if you just looked at this invitation and took it in a vacuum, you’d be missing on a key bit of background. According to one of the commenters, “Just so everyone is aware: Hotel Xcaret is an all-inclusive resort in the Mayan Riviera in Mexico. Resorts require you to pay for a day pass to use the facilities of the resort if you’re not staying there. That’s what the fee for the wedding is – it’s not something the bride and groom are charging to be dicks. They have no choice as per hotel rules.”
Right, okay, I hear that. However, I’m going to assume a few things here: First, the bride and groom are having a destination wedding. Second, a destination wedding is kind of already a dick move, considering that guests are expected to bring a gift, stay for multiple nights at an expensive resort or hotel, and either fly or drive a long way for what is, essentially, a four-hour party. Third, I can say all of this because I had a destination wedding. Don’t @ me.
Is It A Dick Move?
Based on exclusively the phrasing, which is literally printed in the wedding invitation, yes, the bride and groom are being dicks. HOWEVER, if they’re required to have a minimum number of people stay at this resort in order to qualify for their wedding, ceremony, reception, or whatever, it makes sense why they’d be so harsh in their wording. So, really, they are only being assholes because the resort is the bigger asshole and forcing the bride and groom’s hand. That sucks for everyone involved.
Regardless, though, this seems like something you’d want to communicate to your guests in person/via text/on your wedding website, and not printed in big bold letters on your actual invitation. Like, don’t you want to save one of those for posterity? Do you want the constant reminder of your insane wording that pissed every single one of your guests off?
On top of that, are the bride and groom pocketing that extra $120 “fee” for staying elsewhere to make up their losses? Or is that being collected by the hotel? Seems just insanely weird overall. Additionally, how dare you charge me to attend your wedding? I’m already bringing you that f*cking marble platter from your Crate & Barrel registry AND a $50 Restoration Hardware gift card (which we all know is a joke, since you can’t get a single thing at Restoration Hardware for $50). I would deny that Venmo request real quick, I’ll say that much.
Lastly, I spy grammatical errors, which makes this whole thing even funnier. It sucks that the resort is putting the bride and groom in this less-than-ideal situation, but there were probably classier ways to go about this. And at the very least, you should spell check your invitations.
Images: Mockaroon, Unsplash; Reddit; Giphy (2)
I know what you’re thinking—that title has got to be clickbait, right? Nope, it’s not. In fact, it’s exactly as you read it. And, as bizarre as it sounds, it’s actually kind of sweet once you hear the story. Now, don’t get me wrong, putting a loved one’s ashes in your wedding nails is not something you see every day, and I’m not totally sure it’s something I would personally do, but I’m still in full support of this bride’s decision.
So the story is that this English bride, Charlotte Watson, tragically lost her father, Mick, to cancer just a few months before her wedding. Given her father’s cancer diagnosis, Charlotte and her then-fiancé, Nick, had even moved up their wedding date in hopes that Charlotte’s father could be there to walk her down the aisle. But unfortunately, he did not end up making it.
After Mick’s passing, Charlotte’s cousin, Kirsty Meakin, a popular nail artist with a big YouTube following, suggested that they use Mick’s ashes in the creation of the design of Charlotte’s wedding nails so that he could still be there with Charlotte on her special day. According to Fox News, they used “tiny bits of bone fragment” found in Mick’s ashes in the design of the nails, resulting in a glittery snowglobe-esque look that you really couldn’t even tell contained ashes unless someone told you.
Not only did the nails turn out incredible, the whole sentiment behind them is really sweet. As Meakin said of her own creation, “It was only when it was completed it sank in what it was. That her dad would be holding her hand on her wedding day.”
Charlotte said, “Having the ashes attached to my nails felt like he was holding my hand. I knew it wasn’t the same as him really being there, but it was as close as we could get.” She added, “It felt like he was there.”
Mick’s memory was included in other ways on the wedding day, BBC reports, such as pictures on the back of Charlotte’s shoes, in a pendant attached to her flowers, and a teddy made from some of his clothing, but the nails are definitely the most out-of-the-box element. And for those of you wondering, after the wedding, the nails were framed to still preserve the ashes and her father’s memory. All in all, it may sound strange on the surface, but it was a creative tribute that the bride and her family found moving—the bride said, “everyone loved the nails”—and clearly it made for a good story.
Images: @kirstymeakin / Instagram; Nick Karvounis / Unsplash
At this point, we’re all pretty accustomed to hearing crazy bridezilla stories. Whether it’s someone you’ve had to deal with in real life, or you just like reading about psycho brides on Reddit, we all love good wedding horror story. Well, the one we’ve got today might just top them all. When I first saw it, my jaw literally dropped, and I’m still not sure I’ve fully processed it.
This particularly story was posted in the subreddit r/bridezillas, and the title of the thread is an immediate sign that something went very wrong here: “I think I was kicked off the bridal party for refusing to wear a wig.”
Oh yikes. Before even knowing any of the context, you know this isn’t going to be good. Any story that involves someone telling a woman what to do with her hair or appearance in general usually doesn’t end well, and when a wig is involved? You just know sh*t is about to hit the fan.
Here’s how the story starts:
I am very good friends with the bride to be, lets call her Karen for simplicity. She got engaged about 1.5 years ago and immediately asked me to be a bridesmaid which I was thrilled about (she was my maid of honor for context). To make a long story short I got some real bad news in the past year and had to undergo radiation and chemotherapy. I don’t want to go into details about this because its still very traumatic for me. My hair fell out and I am recovering but my hair is still very short.
Wow. Okay, so Karen and the person who posted (let’s call her Jessica) were really close, so it seems like a total no-brainer for Jessica to be a bridesmaid. The medical situation is incredibly unfortunate, but luckily she came out the other side.
I have also been very active in the survivor community and have been involved in fund raising and public speaking.Karen has been super supportive through all of this. She is a nurse and it has been nice to have someone with medical background to chat about some of this issues about this.
Okay, so not only have Karen and Jessica been super close in the past, but it seems like Karen has been a pretty good friend during the whole cancer ordeal. That’s why the rest of this story is so shocking. When Karen invited her friend out for a celebratory day, things seemed to be going well, until they really weren’t.
At the end of the day she takes me to a special hair salon which specializes in high quality wigs. I am a little taken aback by this because Karen knows that a lot of the work I have been involves psychological treatment in cancer patients and avoiding the shame associated with hair loss for instance. I politely go through the appointment and even try on some wigs although I was quite upset honestly. I politely decline when she offers to pick one out and try to forget the whole ordeal.
What the f*ck? What kind of friend would do this, especially when they know exactly what the other person has been through for the past year? Of course, anyone is welcome to choose whether or not to wear a wig, but Jessica had clearly made her preference known. Dealing with hair loss is a deeply personal issue, so this isn’t the type of thing that should ever be planned as a surprise.
This is where things get really shady:
So she calls me yesterday and tells me that I can’t be in the bridal party any longer because the minister stated there are too many people in the bridal party. This completely floors me because basically I am her number 2 girl after her sister (who she barely gets along with).
I’m sorry, but this is just not how weddings work. The post says that this is happening just two weeks before the wedding, which is wayyyy too late in the game to be making decisions about how many bridesmaids you can have. At this point, everyone’s already bought a dress and everything, so just suck it up and have one too many bridesmaids. And why would the minister even be thinking about something like this? Like, go pray or something.
I had my doubts about this excuse, and so did Jessica:
I call around and although some of the other bridesmaids are reluctant to tell me anything hint at the fact that Karen was worried about how the pictures are going to look with someone with a bald head. I was so upset, I tried to call her but she did not respond. I am thinking I am may not go to the wedding but want to make sure I am not overthinking this.
Hey girl, can I have Karen’s number? I just have some questions. Whatever the final reason was for Karen asking her friend not to be in the bridal party, it’s messed up that she was talking to the other bridesmaids about how the photos would look. Girl, you have an entire wedding to plan, so worry about something that matters.
That was the end of the original post, but then Jessica updated us after the finally got a hold of Karen. And it only gets worse.
She told me that it was definitely not because of my hair but because the minister was adamant that six maid of honors was too many. She went on to say that I have been really distant the past year and that I didn’t seem interested in helping her with the wedding which is why she decided to select me to be off the wedding party. She said she helped me a lot and that I’m not returning the favor by being a team player. She said that she knows I am going through a lot but that my personality “has changed” and that I’m not the friend she knows from childhood. I’m still conflicted but she brought up the wig again almost like if it wear it I can be back on the team. She didn’t actually say that but kind of a weird feeling I got.
I can smell bullsh*t a mile away, and Karen is so full of it. First of all, your friend had CANCER. Sorry if she didn’t have time to go to your wedding cake tasting in between her chemo appointments, isn’t she such a bitch?! Unless Jessica is leaving something important out, it really doesn’t seem like anything happened that was drastic enough to warrant being kicked out of a wedding two weeks beforehand. And by bringing up the wig again, Karen just digs her grave the full six feet under. Babe, if that truly wasn’t the reason, you wouldn’t even bring it up. Girl, bye.
Is this the craziest bridezilla story yet? Perhaps. It’s certainly one of the most personally hurtful. At the end of the Reddit post, she says she’s done with Karen, and that she won’t be attending the wedding. Given all that’s gone down, that seems like the right choice. Or maybe she should go just to sabotage the wedding? Idk, just an idea.
Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (2)
If you’ve been sleeping too well lately and need some fresh nightmare fuel, you’ve come to the right place. When I read this proposal story, my jaw literally fell to the ground. It’s truly so bad. Honestly, I’m not really into extra proposals in the first place, but usually I can at least smile and nod and say how cute they are. Maybe hot air balloons aren’t my thing, but I try not to judge. Except today. Today I’m judging.
In 2019, it’s really not strange to love true crime. We even have a podcast about it, and there are literally a million documentaries on Netflix and other streaming services. With that being said, I’m not a fan of this trend of fetishizing crime and killers. There’s a big difference between being interested in serial killers and getting horny when you think about them.
Our bride-to-be today is a fellow true crime lover, but apparently she’s in the latter camp who takes things a little too far. She posted on Facebook about her proposal, where it quickly got shared in wedding shaming groups, which is where I found it. Yes, I am in multiple wedding shaming Facebook groups. No, I will not be answering any further questions.
(The white section on the right is where the couple posted a selfie and a photo of the ring, which I blocked out because my therapist says I need to be kinder to people.)
I’m sorry, I need a f*cking minute. I don’t like one bit of what’s happening in this proposal story. First off, if a man EVER tried to wake me up at 4:30 in the morning, me murdering him would be the next big true crime miniseries. To be honest, even if there is an intruder in the house, please just let me sleep. Maybe it’s my time to go. All I know is that I’m not meant to be awake at 4:30am.
But aside from the sh*tty timing here, the real issue is him LYING ABOUT AN INTRUDER IN THE HOUSE. If a man ever, ever, EVER did this to me, I truly don’t even know how I would react. All I know is that I certainly would not end up engaged to this man. He would probably end up dead, or at least seriously wounded. I just can’t even fathom that someone would think this is a good idea, and that someone else would be equally excited to be proposed to in this manner.
Me reading this entire deranged Facebook post:
And then my first question:
I’d also like to point out that having that many candles on the floor seems like a fire hazard, but these two probably have an arson fantasy that they’re just waiting for the honeymoon to try out. To each their own, but I am not a fan of this whole proposal story. At least these two found each other, and may they have a long, happy life full of intruder scares.
Images: Gift Habeshaw / Unsplash; Facebook; Giphy
