How To Pick Out A Tux For Your Groom & Groomsmen

Presented by Generation Tux

If you’re in any stage of planning a wedding, you already know that there’s a lot to think about. Even before the pandemic threw a gigantic wrench into everything, wedding planning was a daunting endeavor. You’re probably looking for all the help you can get, but preferably from experts, not your mother-in-law who got married in the ‘80s and thinks she knows everything. Luckily, the experts at Generation Tux gave us their best tips on one of the most important parts of the planning process: figuring out wtf the groom and groomsmen are going to wear. 

Do You Actually Want A Tuxedo?

Before you get too deep into the planning process, it’s important to know what you actually want. This might seem obvious, but not all suits are tuxedos, and not all tuxedos are the same. Depending on the other details of your wedding (venue, dress code, general ~vibe~), a tuxedo may or may not be the best way to go. There are some technical differences that make a suit a tux—satin details, no belt loops in the pants, and more formal shirts—but generally tuxedos just feel a bit more formal. You probably know that black-tie = tuxedo (with a black bowtie), but if you’re going with a formal dress code, you could also go for a dark three-piece suit. Or if it’s a more casual cocktail-attire event, you can go for whatever suit you like best. Whatever you choose, tuxedo or not, Generation Tux has you covered.

Know Your Options

Okay, so you decided you want a tuxedo—great! You’re not done with the decisions. If you’re not going strictly black-tie, you can play around with color, whether that means the groom and the groomsmen wearing contrasting colors, or matching accessories (like bowties and pocket squares) with the bridal party. Popular tux colors are gray and blue, and accessories come in every color imaginable. Thankfully, Generation Tux provides free swatches, so you don’t just have to guess which shade of gray will work best with your other wedding details. Aside from color, you can also choose between a few popular lapel styles: notch (the most popular), peak, and shawl. The details may sound small, but you’d be surprised how the little things can change the whole feel of the look. And speaking of little things, don’t forget cufflinks! They’re a great way to tie together the full look, and you can choose whatever you like best.

Comfort & Fit Are Everything

Obviously you want everyone at the wedding to look great, but part of looking good is feeling good, too. For this reason, wool suits are always preferable to polyester, because wool is both more breathable and easier to move around in. The good news is, Generation Tux’s suits and tuxedos are made from high-quality wool, so you’ll be ready to go.

You also have a couple choices when it comes to the fit of your tux. You can choose between slim fit and modern fit, both of which offer a flattering, fitted look, but with a few key differences. The slim fit is cut close to the body, with tapered pants that are perfect if you want to show off stylish accent socks. The modern fit still gives you a fitted look, but with a bit more room around the chest and ankles. There’s no wrong choice, but it’s important to know your options before making a final decision.

Read The Fine Print

In this age of weddings being postponed left and right, you’re probably no stranger to double-checking all your vendor contracts to make sure you’re not missing anything. Suit rental is no different! Generation Tux makes things stress-free by shipping everything out two weeks before the big day, which gives you plenty of time to make any last-minute adjustments. They ship to all 50 states, which is a lifesaver if your wedding party is spread out across the country, and they also offer a free home try-on for the groom so you can make sure everything looks perfect. Their website also has helpful event management tools to keep track of all the steps in the process, so nothing gets lost in the chaos of planning. After the wedding, Generation Tux gives you three days to return your items, and yes, shipping is free in both directions.

Let’s face it: most of us aren’t experts at most phases of planning a wedding, and choosing suits and tuxedos can be a complicated process. But with tons of options and great tools to help along the way, Generation Tux can help make the process a lot less stressful.

What Not To Do If You Have A Pregnant Bridesmaid

The best part about getting married (other than the whole “finding someone to stand by your side during the good times and bad for the rest of your life” thing), is that for once, FINALLY, everything is all about you. Sure, in your head it usually is, but now? Now it’s for real. Estranged friends come crawling out of the woodwork clamoring for an invitation to the wedding. Acquaintances who are trying to make their calligraphy businesses take off DM you about place cards. Family members comment on how prominent your collarbones are. It’s the stuff of dreams.

And then it happens. The phenomenon that occurs when a bride is of moderate popularity and child-bearing age: One of your 4-12 bridesmaids has the AUDACITY to get pregnant. 

 

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this is why I’ll be eloping instead. @luvvie

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Whether she had been trying to get pregnant for years or this was a total accident miracle baby, you’re now faced with the fact that NOT ONLY is one of your besties jeopardizing all of your plans, but now she’s, dare I say, upstaging you? Before you throw her out of your wedding and wish ill upon her unborn child, take a deep breath and do your best not to jeopardize your entire friendship over something as small as bringing another human life into the world. If you want to ensure your friendship lasts beyond the second trimester, heed our advice and remember: Pregnant friends now make for great babysitters if you pop out a few of your own in the future. So if you do have a pregnant bridesmaid, here’s what NOT to do.

Don’t: Make Her Feel Like Sh*t

The most impressive thing my body has ever done is digest 14 breadsticks while hungover at the Olive Garden. Your friend is growing a human inside of her. Rumor has it, that sh*t takes work. Odds are, she’s already feeling bad. Between the morning sickness, backaches, and nightmares about having to take care of another human for the rest of her life (I’m just spitballing here), she’s already dealing with a lot. While it’s a bummer that she’s not going to be tossing back tequila in Cancun with you at your bachelorette party or partaking in some ceremonial puff-puff-pass after getting back to your Airbnb, do your best to love her in this stage. Take a million ‘grammable party bump pics and utilize your other friends for their overzealous alcoholic tendencies. Her ability to down Fireball like a fish may be gone for now, but her spirit is always with you. RIP. 

Don’t: Expect The Same Level Of Commitment

Being a bridesmaid is like working two 9-5 shifts in a row and not getting paid

— betchesbrides (@betchesbrides) September 30, 2019

Before she started growing a person inside of her, there was a good chance your friend would have been right by your side (physically and mentally) every step of the way. Dress shopping, mother-in-law bitching, wine nights to stuff invitations that turn into party nights to complain about how your fiancé doesn’t seem to care which linens you pick—she was your go-to. Now? She’s going to the doctor twice a week (disclaimer: I have no idea how often pregnant people go to the doctor, but this feels like a solid guess), sitting with her legs elevated 24/7, and insisting she needs to go home by 9pm. 

Instead of expecting her to perform at the same caliber as she would have been if she hadn’t forgotten to use a condom gotten knocked up, use her condition to your advantage. Ask your other, less pregnant bridesmaids to do the heavy lifting and hide out with Preggers in the other room, catching up and whispering curse words to her fetus. Bow out of the extended small talk at your shower to “make sure your pregnant friend is okay,” while really just talking sh*t together in the bathroom. It might not be what either of you had originally pictured, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to suck total ass, either. It could be worse. I mean, YOU could be the one who’s pregnant, so praise be for that not being the case, amiright? 

Don’t: Be Unwilling To Change Your Plans

Turns out, having a baby wreaks havoc on not only your lifestyle but your body too—who knew? Between swollen ankles, an exhausted body that is literally growing another body inside of it, and the fact that you’re not allowed to drink alcohol for the longest period of time since you were like, 16, it’s a f*cking lot. What, I imagine, would make it harder, would be to have one of your besties be unwilling to accommodate you in order to be a part of her special celebrations. Sure, it’s a drag that a bachelorette party during your friend’s third trimester might not work or that a trip to somewhere with Zika might be out. But, as you’ll quickly learn with wedding planning, things tend to not go as planned. You can either embrace it or you can be a total bitch and try to fight it. The first option causes less stress-induced breakouts. 

What is comes down to is this: If she’s one of your day ones, and you can’t imagine not having her at as many things as possible, talk with her and be willing to alter plans and compromise together. Unless she’s a total see you next Tuesday, she’ll understand that some things you can’t change, but can compromise on others. At the end of the day, what matters more: having her with you or having the dream events you envisioned in your head? Bonus question: If she’s not there, wouldn’t it mess up your dream anyway? 

Don’t: Compare Her Now To What Could Have Been

Before she got knocked up, there’s a good chance she would have been right by your side, throwing up tequila at your bachelorette party or getting drunk with you after your bridal shower and laughing at all of the weird gifts you got from distant relatives (thanks for the fertility herbs, Aunt Jenna). Now? She’s in bed by 10pm at your bach party, if she even went at all, and she left as soon as the gifts were opened at your shower because a wave of nausea hit her. It’s easy to judge and compare her to what your friendship was like before, but ready for some hard truth? Sh*t’s not the same anymore. Not for either of you. 

You’re getting married and she’s about to push a human out of her vagina. Instead of dragging your feet and complaining about how you pictured it all to go, try to remember that if everything stayed the same you would still be crying at the club (yes, the club. You’d still be going to CLUBS) about some loser who didn’t text you back instead of getting ready to walk down the aisle. Embrace the changes and do your best to celebrate both of you, as annoying as it might seem in the moment. 

Don’t: Make This Time All About You

Remember at the beginning when I said this time was all about you? Joke’s on all of us, because one of your besties failed to practice the ol’ pull and pray. Now, as all of your college friends rush to see your ring, they’re also elbowing their way to your friend to get a bump picture for the ‘Gram. Yes, it’s annoying. Yes, it’s unfair. No, you can’t be a total bitch about it. While in a dream world everyone’s special moments would fall at different times so you could all have your own undivided attention, it tends not to happen that way. It’s the curse of having lots of friends. Sorry, you’re like, really popular.

The key? To ensure everyone has times that are all about them (showers, food tastings, baby registry shopping, etc.) and to focus on their milestones. While your wedding might not be the year-long “all about you” celebration you always pictured (which is obnoxious anyway), it’s better than losing a friendship over a baby that could, potentially, hold your finger with its entire hand someday and cause your ovaries to explode from sheer cuteness.

Don’t: Bend Over Backwards 110% 

Sure, she’s a goddess, a gift from heaven, and a glowing, gorgeous example of femininity. But, while her pregnancy announcement is big, your news is too. Compromising so she can be at the shower, understanding if she can’t stay over in your hotel room the night before the wedding, and accepting that standing at the altar for an extended period of time might be too much, are one thing. Her making this time ONLY about her is another. While brides can become bridezillas, moms-to-be can become future-momzillas. If you’re compromising, so should she. 

Just like a marriage isn’t a one-way street, neither is friendship, especially when you’re both experiencing exciting, scary, and life-changing moments. You need to be there for each other by listening to the venting, not undermining each other’s fears, and cherishing these special moments without undercutting the other. It’s just as important that she’s on board to compromising because while this time isn’t all about you, it’s (shockingly) not all about her, either. 

Don’t: Forget Why She’s In Your Wedding In The First Place

Unless you got wasted and accidentally asked her to be in your bridal party (been there, done that), odds are she’s a pretty important person in your life. Whether she’s knocked up or not, she’s been there for you through tears, triumphs, and most likely lots of bitching about the person you’re going to marry that she PROMISED to take to the grave. 

So, as you’re adding “find a breast pumping room” onto your venue to-do list and changing your bachelorette party date to a time when she won’t look and feel like a total beluga whale, remember that this friendship is about more than just a bachelorette party, a picture-perfect wedding, and bridesmaids in dresses that make them look bangin’ but still slightly less hot than you. It’s about being there for each other through the highs and the lows, the wedding planning meltdowns and the post-birth vagina stitches.

At the end of it all, friendship means never having to say, “I’m sorry I was a total bitch to you when milk was seeping out of your nipples at my wedding,” or something like that. 

Images: pyrozhenka / Shutterstock.com; betchesbrides / Twitter; Giphy; boredpanda

WTFunds: How Much Do Bachelorette Parties Cost?

As if being a twentysomething in 2019 wasn’t hard enough already, about halfway through a decade full of major changes, financial independence, and student loan repayment, life offers yet another thing for you to go into debt for: wedding season. Whether you are the bride, the bridesmaid, or just a lowly guest, your priorities after 25 start to look a lot less like student loans and happy hours, and a lot more like wedding gifts, destination flights, and ugly dresses. Before you swear off having any friends (and therefore, nuptial obligations), we have some good news on the pre-wedding front. You can breathe a sigh of relief, because it might not be expensive as you think—at least for the bachelorette party.

WeddingWire just dropped a new study* on bachelor and bachelorette parties (because people study those, apparently) and, unlike most new information on wedding festivities, this one isn’t a total bummer for your finances! As it turns out, Instagram tends to exaggerate the extravagance of the pre-nuptial parties (shocker!), and everyone your age isn’t emptying out their life savings to fly to the Caribbean for all their friends’ bachelorette parties (though the same cannot be said for the heinous bridesmaid gowns they have to shell out their cash for). What’s more, women are actually likely to spend less on the bachelorette than men are on the bachelor party (to which I reiterate: bridesmaid dresses, we’ve earned this). Rest assured that you can have your Chippendales stripper, and throw money at him too (though I recommend sticking to throwing singles. You’re not a millionaire). 

 

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Feel this deep down in our souls | credit: @lexniko

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Whether the festivities be the always-popular club scene or the more laid back spa day, women on average are only dishing out around $708 to celebrate their girlfriends’ last days of singledom (men spend $1,044 on average). That’s a lot of money, but somehow, not as much as I would expect when you consider airfare, hotels, entertainment, etc. This is, in part, a result of most parties remaining local. 92% of bachelor and bachelorettes remain in the U.S. and don’t last longer than 2 to 3 days. Again, contrary to what Instagram would have you believe, most bachelorette parties aren’t whipping out their passport. Sure, some women splurge a bit more and bathe in the sun with their betches on the coasts of the Caribbean or Mexico, but most stick to the following U.S. bachelorette party destinations. In order, these are WeddingWire’s most popular bachelorette party spots:

  1. Las Vegas, NV (Because, duh.)
  2. Los Angeles, CA (Maybe it’s not tropical, but it’s still pretty glamorous. Plus, clubs. Sooo many clubs.)
  3. New York, NY (As someone who lives here, I can assure you this is a destination that is only economical for its residents. Especially if your festivities include shopping.)
  4. Miami (More clubbing. Also South Beach.)
  5. Nashville, TN (Multi-story bars, live music, fried chicken, what’s not to love? Though be forewarned, this destination is becoming a bit of a cliche for wedding parties)
  6. Dallas, TX (Can someone please explain why Dallas is on this list, but not Austin?)
  7. Orlando, FL (I sincerely hope this is not on the list because of Disney World. Just think of the children, people.)
  8. New Orleans, LA (Okay, I guess ghosts and witchcraft aren’t everyone’s thing, but the fact that Dallas somehow topped NOLA truly offends me)
  9. Philadelphia, PA (Someone once described Philly to me as an arts and crafts version of NYC. Take that as you will)
  10. Atlanta, GA (Another destination with great nightlife, and great Southern food. Dieting brides beware!)

Bachelorette party gifts tend to remain on the cheap side as well. In order to celebrate their bestie’s commitment to sleeping with one man for the rest of her life, most women go with the tried and true gifts of lingerie and sex toys. But honestly, can we just pause for a moment and contemplate the thought of your friends picking out lingerie for you? I don’t want them picking out my outfits, let alone my underwear. That said, underwear looks like a dream next to the typical bachelor gift of… drumroll please… outdoor gear. I guess it’s better than strippers, but unless your man is like, a bear hunter or something, please take the time to reevaluate this union if his boys gift him a fishing rod or a tent or something. 

 

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⭐️ GIVEAWAY ⭐️ Because weddings are expensive AF and the clothing that goes along with it is even more expensive, we are giving away 3 free months of @FashionPass for one bride to be and one free month for each of her bridesmaids. If you aren’t getting married, enter anyway & we will treat you and 4 of your girls. Winner will be able to activate the month whenever best suits them (think bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc). Steps 👉🏼 1. Follow @betchesbrides & @fashionpass 2. Like this post 3. Tag your bridal party or 4 friends in the comments Winner will be announced on Wednesday, August 14 at 6pm EST.

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No matter what you end up doing or gifting for the party to end all (single) parties, try to kick back and enjoy one of the best aspects of getting hitched. And if you find yourself in a financial stress spiral thinking about all of the student and wedding debt you have to pay down after the fact, take another shot and stuff another bill in that stripper’s jock strap. 

*The WeddingWire 2019 Bachelor & Bachelorette Study is based on data collected from more than 1,000 respondents who attended a bachelor or bachelorette party in the last 24 months. 

Images: Shutterstock.com; betchesbrides / Instagram (2)

How To Go Bridesmaids Dress Shopping So That Your Friends Don’t Hate You

Sponsored by Brideside

When planning a wedding, you’ll quickly learn that everybody has an opinion, and many of them won’t line up with yours. (Is that why they say opinions are like assholes…because they’re full of…no wait, it’s because everyone has one.) Anyway, there are few times that it will become more evident that it’s really f*cking hard to get people to agree on one thing more than picking what bar to go to on a Saturday night, and that is bridesmaid dress shopping. Like, you and your friends can barely decide on a vibe for going out one night—despite everyone agreeing they’re going to dress like scrubs, at least one person always shows up in a crop top—so how the hell are you going to choose bridesmaid dresses? It’s gonna be hard, but services like Brideside are switching up the way we shop for bridesmaid dresses, and making things a lot less painful for all involved in the process. TG.

So how do you keep a group of stressed out and on a budget betches happy? Read on for our tips.

1. Give Options

This can be a little difficult if you have upwards of five bridesmaids varying in size and like, personal aesthetic/attitude (case in point: my roommate and I went to the same party Saturday night, me in a lace-up crop top and denim shorts and her in a flowy mermaid skirt and flowery top). That being said, there are silhouettes that tend to look good on everyone—think flowy, v-necks, and nothing too short. You can also ask your bridesmaids to choose from a few styles you’ve already picked out. Remember, not everyone has to match perfectly—choosing ombre and varying dresses by complementing styles is a very easy way to make your friends happy and a fun way to switch up traditional wedding attire. And, using a service like Brideside allows everyone in the wedding party to try on a few dress options BEFORE dropping any money on them. Think of it like Rent the Runway for your wedding party. For $30, each girl can try on three sample dresses, which, to me, sounds a lot more convenient than trying to either get everyone to the same shop or assigning dresses via email that no one has ever seen, felt, or tried to sit down or do the Cotton-Eyed Joe in. Create a custom closet for your whole wedding party on Brideside’s website, then let your girls pick and choose what to try on. You can also choose different styles (or make a stylist do it for you, my personal favorite choice) and see what flows nicely together.

As a note, I know you want to just tell all nine hundred of your bridesmaid to “pick whatever as long as it’s dusty pink / black / sky blue” but you’re opening yourself up to a lot of trouble if you do that. You’re going to end up with a lot of slightly off colors and a lot of questions regarding if any of your friends are actually color blind because you clearly said apricot, not peach!! *Takes deep, calming breaths* Anyway. Working with one retailer like Brideside lets you pick a stylist, a color palette, and not just let a bunch of betches run wild on your local bridal salon looking for the Pantone color that you’ve demanded they wear that looks slightly different to everybody.

2. Be Mindful Of Budgets

I get that every bride wants their bride tribe to look amazing and sophisticated, but it’s important to keep in mind that not every girl may have $500 to blow on a dress they’ll only wear once. (Nobody is going to shorten it; grow up.) Unless you want to end up in an article by yours truly on a truly insane bride who demanded her bridesmaids drop $800 on a designer dress, talk money ahead of time and settle on a number that everyone feels comfortable with. Spoiler alert: it’s probably going to be around and under $300.

On top of settling on a magic number, if you set up your digital closet ahead of time with Brideside, you can add favorites for all your bridesmaids to see. Plus, bridesmaids can also add styles if you’re open to mixing and matching, which takes a little off your plate, but calm down—you’re still in charge. They can even input measurements so the stylist can cater to you even better so you hopefully don’t have to try on every dress with a giant binder clip. Basically, it’s a win-win. 

If you’re all heading to a bridal shop together, make sure that your stylist only pulls selections that fall within the agreed-upon budget. Like, you don’t want to fall in love with bridesmaids dresses that are around $700 each and have a full-blown meltdown in front of everyone… again. With Brideside, you can shop for styles at around $150 (and like, strong-arm your maids into throwing you an elaborate bachelorette party since you’re SUCH a good friend and saved them so much on dresses) or go fancy with styles up to $300. Which is still not even expensive as far as these dresses go. How positively luxe of you. 

3. Color Is Important

Think about your group and what color scheme, or differing but complementing scheme, can work with everyone’s complexion. (Hint: Almost everyone looks good in blues, greens, and some burgundies). It’s definitely an extra consideration, but you’ll be thankful once you see your pictures and no one looks like a washed-out ghost or Oompa Loompa. Using Brideside can actually really help with this, since the colors you see online (or with one or two bridesmaids in a shop) can look completely different once they’re on Rachel who lives 300 miles away. Curate your online closet with a few varied color families and then they can try on the style at home with a few color swatches for reference while Facetiming and giving you, the bride, the final say. Ah, technology.

4. Think About Your Dress, Too

It’s important to take your own wedding dress into account when you’re choosing your bridesmaids’ dresses. I mean, you are kind of important. If you’ve bought (or are leaning towards) a grand ballgown style, it’s probably best not to have casual mismatched mini dresses. Or like, questionable footwear (COWBOY BOOTS! CONVERSE SNEAKERS! CROCS!), but that’s an article for another time. If you’re going for sleek and styled, a fluffy, ruffled number on your girls is going to look a little out of place. At the end of the day, you’re the bride, and your friends have to match your style for once. Own it. Making it as easy for your friends as possible while staying true to your own style is completely reasonable, and even more importantly, doable. 

5. Consider The Weather

If you’re getting married in the winter, don’t put your girls in short or backless dresses. If you’re getting married in the summer, it’s probably best to steer clear of heavy fabrics, high necks, and long sleeves. These are pretty obvious memos, but I’ve seen brides create a mutiny by overlooking basic weather patterns. Use logic, and choose light, breathable fabrics for warmer seasons, or light fabrics with the option for shawls for the winter. It’s really not that hard.

The way we plan and approach weddings is changing, and that goes for shopping for bridesmaids dresses, too. Gone are the days where you are all shoved into the same strapless gown (thank you, sweet Jesus). Brideside can help you create a unique experience that will take so much of the stress and hassle out of choosing your bridesmaid dresses and leave your girls with dresses they will actually want to wear. But not like, a second time, probably, because that’s just how it f*cking goes. 

Images: Genessa Panainte / Unsplash

What Your Wedding Guest Dress Says About How Drunk You’re Getting

Maybe it’s our love for daydrinking in 90-degree weather or maybe it’s just that we’d give anything to relive our college rallying days. Whatever it is, it’s no surprise that summer coincides with wedding season. Even if one night stands are as close to love as you’ll ever get, you will never say no to an event with open bar and attractive single men looking for love in a hopeless place—except, that place is not the bar you black out at every Friday for happy hour. IDC if you believe in Prince Charming or even if eternal love is a foreign concept to you, everyone fucking loves weddings. They’re like, the perfect excuse to not only get out of plans you were bailing on anyway, but to buy another expensive dress you’ll probs never wear more than once. Like, a photo op to make your ex and his new thot GF jealous? Uh, sounds like an average weekend a great fucking time to me. Whether you’re somebody’s plus one or prepping for your best friend’s wedding, here’s the dress you should wear based on your wedding guest #mood.

Floral Maxi Dress

Wearing a maxi dress to a wedding is the most basic bitch of them all. You’re respectful in keeping it long and classy—two things your last relationship was not. However, you still aren’t giving up on marriage because you really don’t want to be a part of the 50% divorce rate statistic, so you’re ringing in the newlyweds with a flirty, feminine, floral-printed maxi dress. You’re single and ready to mingle, or find your husband altogether, so you’ll go with a style that’s kinda slutty and shows some cleavage, thanks to your next push-up bra. Your best best is the Lulus Wondrous Water Lilies Black Floral Print Maxi Dress.

Bodycon Cocktail Dress

Once you heard there was an excuse to dress like an A-list celeb and walk the aisle like one, you were the first to RSVP because I mean, I guess you just like the attention. You’re confident because you know your summer bod looks good this year so obviously, you’re going to show off your curves in a v sensual bodycon. You were the bodycon queen all of college so, it only makes sense you bring it back if you plan on being sorority-girl-wasted anyway—just for old times’ sake. Enough shots will def have you twerking on the dance floor but, you don’t mind the spotlight so, it’s fine. Millennial pink is def your color since it makes your spray tan look literally so much better, so go with the LIKELY Packard Dress.

Two-Piece Dress

You’re like, really chill and probably into finding your inner happiness or, something along those lines. A modern two-piece is basically a maxi Vanessa Hudgens would wear Coachella but, not so hippie-esque. You hate talking shit and getting involved in drama but, you’ll still sip your tea and watch that shit go down. Your wedding will probably be outdoors where there are white Christmas lights everywhere. Cute. Since this is probably sounds like you, you’ll want the Laundry by Shell Segal Two-Piece Gown.

Black Dress

Surprisingly, a lot of idiots people don’t know that you can wear black to a wedding because they say it’s dark and moody, or whatever. However, you know that the timeless color looks elegant, classy, and slimming on everyone so you’ll stick with what you know best. You don’t really like to go with crazy prints or bright colors because you think they’re annoying and too in-your-face. You might come off as standoffish because everyone else acts their shoe size and you just literally can’t even. You prefer to stay away from looking thirsty AF with a revealing dress so you should go with a basic fit and flare style like this Halston Heritage Cold-Shoulder Fit-and-Flare Dress.

READ: The Emotional Stages Of Wedding Season

How Bitter You Are Inside Based On What You Wear To Weddings

It’s officially wedding season, and personally, I’m kinda iffy on whether that’s a good thing or not. On the “fuck this” side of things, I have to buy a stupid gift, do the goddamn “Wobble” and pretend to be excited for a couple that in five years is probs going to be either living in silent misery or divorced. On the plus side of things, there’s unlimited free booze (and if not, do NOT go) and I get to buy a bunch of fierce AF clothes. Obvi. And because I’m the fucking nicest, I’m gonna help you figure out what to wear by telling you what the different wedding wardrobe staples say about you. You’re welcome in advance.

Little Black Dress

If this is your wedding go-to, you’re a classic sophisticated betch. Congratulations. You know what looks good on you and there’s no need to reinvent the fucking fashion wheel when you know damn well if you wear something else, you’re going to wish you had gone with your LBD. Some people might say you shouldn’t wear black to a wedding, but there’s never a reason to not wear black in our book. IRL, you’re a young professional who knows how to get shit done but can still throw down like it’s freshman year. People like you but know not to fuck with you either.

Florals

You probs already know this about yourself, but you’re basic AF if you wear flower print shit to most of the weddings you go to. You got the couple a Mr. and Mrs. frame or a Kate Spade gold polka dot ice bucket as a present instead of cash like they wanted. Your favorite part of the wedding is a three-way tie between the first dance, bouquet toss, and singing the sorority wedding chant. You’re the standard nice girl of every friend group you’re a part of, and people like you but kinda wish you’d shut up with all your friendly, never mean commentary.

 

Jumpsuit

When you’re getting ready for a wedding and, more times than not, you reach for a jumpsuit, you’re somewhat of a try-hard. You look at weddings as a chance to show off in front of friends you haven’t seen in a while and are fucking livid if you get less than eight compliments about how great you look. If someone asks you “if you’re next” you tell them you’re focused on yourself and your career and still have things to accomplish before being tied down, but you’re a fucking liar and actually want to rip that veil of the bride’s head. Props for your dedication to looking hot, though. With all those vodka sodas, going to the bathroom is going to be a real bitch.

 

White, Ivory, Blush, etc.

Breaking News: If you wear white or anything close to it to a wedding that’s not yours, you are the fucking worst. There are probably more people in this world that can’t stand you than people that actually like you and that’s why you just DGAF about pissing everyone off. You don’t mind when people talk shit about you… In fact, you kind of like it because at least you’re the center of attention. You def can’t sit with us.

Cutouts

You’re single and you look at weddings as an opportunity to hook up with the hottest, most available groomsmen there. You’re not as snobby as your friend in the jumpsuit or as narcissistic as the non-bride in white, but your confidence always makes you a standout and everyone notices you. You’re the hottest girl in the room without looking trashy, which is a feat in and of itself. In terms of love, you’re looking but not desperate and probs say cliché shit like “when it happens, it happens”—but in your case, you actually mean it. The personality of a cut-out wearer is interchangeable with someone who always wears red.

 

Color Match The Bridal Party

Bless your heart. You’re a back burner betch. Not just in your love life, but with your friends too. You think you’re way closer to people than you are, so you usually end up getting left out and being blindsided by it. Like the girl in florals, you are a total nice girl. So nice that instead of using your non-bridesmaid status as a chance to actually look fucking hot, you think more about the bride and the way the overall aesthetic of the wedding will look than yourself and getting laid. This translates into your personal life and you get walked over by everyone, even like, your mom.

These 7 wedding themes need to stop immediately. Find out if your wedding secretly sucks here!